.......anyone dreading New Years Eve.....

I HATE NEW YEARS EVE....

always have, always will.....bad bad memories for me....always end up at parties outside crying my eyes out.......

This year will be particularly emotional ...I know I should be positive about a new year/new start etc......but I hate the actual night itself....triggers me actually...supposed to be going to a party I feel so ill...glands up, head aches, back and neck aching.....

Just burst out crying and had a cuddle from my wonderful son.....

he said he will stay at home with me if I want......

I feel aggressive and moody and cant shake it off.....

...just wondered if anyone els felt like this......

Jin x

I know what you mean about New Year's Eve....if it's triggering, and you are shaking and having bad feelings, why not stay home with your son? He sounds like he really cares!!! You can watch the ball drop on TV together, what a more intimate way to spend the holiday....you can tell the people having the party you are ill......after all you ARE, right? You can reflect on the year passed and the year to come there with your son, it sounds so nice wish I had a son!!

(((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))

With the New Year comes new starts. How about ending this year with a new start too? Maybe it's time to start making your own POSITIVE time for New Years. Good memories of this time for you to grasp onto while working through the difficult stuff....giving you a better balance so to speak.

I understand where you are coming from...and I'm sorry it's so difficult for you. Better days and nights are just on the horizon my friend.....keep looking forward and before you know it...you will be there.

Love to you!
sabby

aww ((((((((((Jinny))))))))))
Yes I completely understand that whole dreading New Years business.... I hate that it has to be made such a big deal. It should just be seen for what it is - another day.
I don't know about you, but i'm planning on just hanging around PC ...

Jacq

Jinny Ann,

It sounds like your body and psyche are crying out for some alone time -- to think and rest.

I vote for your staying home.

(((((((Jinny Ann)))))))

EJ

(((((((((((((( jinny )))))))))))))))


I do know what you mean, I wish it was just an ordinary day

((((((((((((((((((((((((Jinny))))))))))))))))))))))))

thankyou all....I know I will disappoint so many if I dont go..my bewst friends IRL, my daughter and her b/f, hubby and the party hotst.....

I know what you are saing sabby but I just cant feel positive right now....

to br honest, as much as I love pc, I am thinking of leaving.....I feel I am treated unfairly when I cant even write a poem without it being deleted....

never made a reference to anyone in partcular...they could have edited it if it offends so much....

this place just isnt what it used to be anymore

jinny

Jinny... I hope you don't leave pc. I know what you are feeling about pc but it won't help to leave. I've done that in reaction to stuff here but in the end it was me who lost out. I'd miss not seeing you around Jinny so hoping you will stay.

I don't do much for New Year's anymore. I stay home with my son and we ring in the new year together with the clattering of pans and honking of horns and anything else we can think of to make noise at midnight. We usually have a prayer ceremony afterwards with a small offering of my mother's favourite foods in memory of her and our ancestors.

I never liked the parties. Like you I often ended up in a sad place. Didn't much like the kissing either. Slobbering drunkedness and gushy sentiment was always a turn off.

In my previous life as a fashion designer I was always too tired from making party dresses up to the last minute to go out and party afterwards. I was usually sound asleep long before midnight.

When I lived with a cousin for a couple of years I carried on a long family tradition that he had inherited. I fired our grandfather's shootgun out the back door of the family homestead just as he had done and his father and grandfather before him.

When my son was born I used him as my excuse for staying home. We had a few friends over a couple of times. Played cards and drank some wine and brought in the new year with a little champagne.

Even went to bingo a couple of times. That was fun. Didn't win any of the big money prizes but it was a different experience ringing in the new year with a hall full of bingo players. They'd pass out hats and noisemakers and at midnight pause the games for a few minutes of new year madness.

Now I just stay home with my son. Don't like to be on the roads. Still too many people drinking and driving. I don't get sad anymore. I'm greatful for that. I always felt lonely because I didn't have the same party spirit as those around me. It made me sadder to feel like an alien surrounded by party animals. Before I was able to just let the scene pass me by without it triggering sadness I'd try to go to bed early to shorten my pity party time.

Well enough about me and my quiet new year traditions..... I really am sorry Jinny that you are feeling the stress of the evening. Any way you can make an appearance and slip out early? People will always be disappointed but sometimes that has to be a secondary concern. They'll get over it if you don't show up. A heck of a lot faster than you will get over it if you force yourself to do something you aren't up to doing.

Sometimes we disrespect our illnesses. I mean if you had a migrain headache, or you had back pain or you had the flu..... would you hesitate passing on an evening out? Most wouldn't push themself and risk getting sicker. So why do we push ourselves when we are emotionally off balance and at risk of getting worse by the party.

Do what will best minister to your needs right now. If you need to stay home to prevent a meltdown then be honest with yourself about it and make the right choice for you. If you want to stay home and start a new tradition than do that. It's bowing to pressure that has often contributed to our unwellness. Learning to know and respect your own boundaries is critical to wellness.

I pray for peace to fill your heart..... peace to fill your life...... and peace to come to our world.

Happy New Year Jinny...... may it bring you great blessings of happiness and joy. Blessings for you and your family.

(((((((((((((( jinny )))))))))))))))
In case you didn't know, quite a few of us have gone through posts being removed here. I really hope you don't leave, I love having you here!

Hey jinny - sorry to hear you're not feeling that great. I know it's hard to say no to things because you feel you are going to let people down but i totally agree with what sabby and chocolate lover said.
A few years ago i had a horrible incident with my sister, we had gone out to bond more (on instructions of my mother) but in actual fact she said something that hurt me so much i could not be close to her for a long time. This christmas though we went out again together, my other sisters told me not to go but i went because i wanted to create a new memory for that place (which i've not been in since). Although it didn't make everything better, i feel half way on the way to making that a 'safe' area again. So i agree with sabby, let some people down and create a new happy comfortable 'safe' new year memory for yourself. Starting this year! It may take a while but who knows, maybe in the future the good memories you create now (even if it is just watching tv this year in a comfy jumper) will over-ride the older ones.

I usually go out on new year - kinda always felt i 'had' to so that i'm not left out but this year i just fancy sitting in watching some film on tv, may not even stay up till 12pm! And it doesn't make me lazy nor will i be letting others down (i've turned down invites) because at the end of the day (haha sorry for the pun) it's only 1 night. I think you matter more this year. Indulge yourself a little - actually better than that - listen to your son. Kids are brilliant at 'knowing' things. Heck i think he'll enjoy spending quality time with you too!!

I hope you will think about sabby and chocolatelovers and everyone else advice. I think you need a relax!

thankyou for all your kind words..... I think my heart is breaking really I do .......

I have this pain, this ache and it wont go away ..... I am so sad

and I dont know why ......

Jinny xxxxx

Jin, I'm sorry to hear anything you posted was edited or deleted. I probably don't respond to your poems as much as I should (I only post if I have something to say) but you and your poetry would be missed if you left.

As for New Years, it doesn't mean much to me now that I'm sober. It's just another night. I spend it quietly at home to avoid the plethora of venues where booze is the focus of the festivities.

Cyran0

Hugs to you Jenny.... really hope you start to feel better soon. Give yourself permission to let it all go for a while. I know.... easier said than done. Just try to be one with your surroundings for a bit. Just energy. Nothing more. Just floating. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be. Just being. Just letting everything be for a while. Soak in the tub and feel the water on your skin. Just take yourself away from the ache. Hold the ache back with affirmations of what you know to be true that is good. Dwell on what is good.

May your heart know the peace you seek.

Peace be with you.

Here's something I've done when I start to meltdown from feeling pressured to do something I don't want to do. I know that feeling of growing anxiety. I know even if at the end of the day you stay home from the party, given the build up and anxiety.... you will likely feel worse not better for staying home or going. I hope you can level before then so that you make the best choice for you. Not stress induced.

I came up with this approach to your situation. I give myself permission to decline an invitation to do something. That's the first key. It's OK to say 'no thank you'. If I don't decline immediately I always buy some time to think about the invitation. But the first sign of stressing about it and I make the decision to decline. I do this knowing I have the option of changing my mind if, when the time comes I'm up for the party after all.

If I've committed to something and start to have second thoughts then I will make the decision right away to decline but keep it to myself for a couple of days or more. I will take the pressure off myself so I don't sabbotage my options by getting overwhelmed with stress and obsessing about the stress and getting sicker ever step of the way. I get ride of the stressor without shutting out my options. So far I've had some good success with it. Even on ocassion where I couldn't decline I managed to get through it knowing it would be over soon enough. Participating was like currency for future declines. lol. Keep the power in your own hands Jenny. That may be the root of your battle. Hold on to your power no matter what.

I really hope you feel better soon Jenny.

((((((((((( Jinny )))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time right now. Please PM me if I can help.

I was going to edit your post here due to guideline issues, but there have been several responses referring to it so I will just respond here.

You have NOT had a poem removed, edited or anything of the kind. Please go back and read, hon.

Again, I hope you feel better and know that there hasn't been any action on a poem, and you're certainly not being singled out.

From here, please place concerns of this type in PM to me or another mod/admin.

KD

one of the administrators told me she had deleted a post....turns out she edited it......

sorry.....never mentioned any names though.....I TAKE YOUR POINT KD but find it hard to bite my tongue sometimes

Jin

one of the administrators told me she had deleted a post....turns out she edited it......

sorry.....never mentioned any names though.....I TAKE YOUR POINT KD but find it hard to bite my tongue sometimes

Jin

thanks everyone for you r kind words, much appreciated

jinny xx

Hope you stick around. I really relate to your posts.

I opt out of partys too. Just don't feel sociable. I was invited to one yesterday. It would have been a good one for me to go to because I am in recovery and it was given by a person I liked from the N/A fellowship. I should go out and meet people, but I'm so depressed I just want to stay home. It's also cold here and I hate to go out in the cold.

I look at New Year's Eve as just another day. I stay home and do whatever I want. This might sound silly, but I started coloring velvet posters. It keeps my mind focused. It's not racing with negative thoughts. I also don't have to think to do it and I can have the TV on or music too.

I also don't like being on the road with the amateaur drinkers!

Take Care! Hopefully next year we will see some healing.

Wow ! I did not know they deleted your poem. Sorry.

I hope you don't leave, but if you do ,It was nice knowing
you.

Please take care.