Ouch - trigger icon for *mention* of cutting

Last night, I was struggling.

I cut.

I hate it, but it happened. I stopped.

After I stopped, I started calling people - people were out, not available. I didn't know what else to do, and what I really wanted to do was go fish the blade out of the trash and use it again.

So, i used my life line, and called the hot line back home, and asked them to connect me with former T (female one). She called back nearly immediately (thank God) but when I told her I called her b/c I'd already called everyone on my list, she said to me, "I can't be on that list."

Oh
My
God.

My stomach bottomed out.

We talked for over an hour, and at the end she said to me, "I need to ask you to forgive me. I was scared and spoke before I thought. I am here - and you are six states away and what could I do?"

I forgave her, of course.

But, I hurt. I feel in this middle place, where I'm no longer back home, but Cincy isn't home either yet. I can't use the support back there, but have none here.

What do I do?

I can tell you are feeling alone & scared. I have one question.....are you wanting to find a new therapist? Is this a possibility for you now? (sorry, that was 2 questions)

I'm glad you called your old t. It was a good thing to reach out until you found somebody to listen.

tulips

I'm working on finding a new T - got two interviews next week.

next week. I'm really glad. Hopefully, that will help you to start feeling a little more settled and safe.

tulips

(((((((((Gracey))))))))))))

Man, that's gotta hurt. I'm glad she helped you through things in the moment though. Good luck with finding a new T. Stay safe.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Gracey said:

she said to me, "I can't be on that list."

Oh
My
God.

My stomach bottomed out.


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Hey. I understand totally. I moved 700 miles away from my old T and almost the exact same thing happened. She did not say it like that, but she was clear that I needed a T here because she was too far away to take that responsibility. That she could not be there in a crisis because she could take no action. It hurt, but when I thought about it, I realized I was putting her in jeopardy.....because even though we don't like to admit to, this is T's job. And their job has rules...legally if something happened to me, she could get in trouble.

IT's so complicated.......and sooo hard for us. But your T probably did not mean to hurt your feelings, but the "reality" is what it is....

I hope you find a new T that is as great as your old T. I am trying right now too