I don't know if I can do this....

Trigger icon placed for *mention* of SI

I haven't really mentioned it here on the boards, but I have been attending a support group for women with borderline personality disorder. The group is just getting started so it is very small. It is just me, and three other women, one of them being the facilitator (who was diagnosed when she was a teenager). T is really glad that I have joined this group and he encourages the support that I can gain. The facilitator of the group has offered her support numerous times to me in order to help me deal with my SI. She asked me if I would like to meet her for coffee this Saturday, knowing that this is normally my appointment time with T (he's away this week) and I would need the extra support at that time. However, I do not know if I can do this. I mean, T and I discussed that it is okay to get help from others and that does not mean that I am going to lose him. I am really scared about discussing my SI because everytime I do I end up not really staying in the present and it becomes a scary place for me. This woman is aware of that (she even gently taps my arm in group when she sees me 'drifting'). I don't know if I'm even ready to take this step for the extra support to control my cutting. I can't seem to do anything that will possibly lead towards me letting it go. I still haven't answered her about Saturday and I know I have to email her back... I'm just not sure....

That would be a delimma. Can you stay with a just-having-coffee-with-a-friend-in-public motif and enjoy it at all? Talk about your grad school plans, etc.?

I mean I'm sure we can talk about all sorts of things because we get along very well, but it is sort of know that the "target" of us meeting is to offer support with this behavior.

i agree with perna - yes, it is the target of getting together, but just being out with her as a support person *is* in itself supportive.

Hey Pink,

I'm with Perna and Kiya. Just because it's a supportive relationship doesn't mean you have to talk about anything you don't want to. Can you think of it as a "getting to know you" coffee date? You said you two have a lot in common, so maybe this time you can offer her support instead of the other way around. Then you may receive something through your giving.

Just because it takes place at the time you would see T, doesn't mean you are replacing him or have to discuss with her the things you would discuss with him. Maybe you can just complain about missing him and tell her about the wonderful relationship you two have!

As far as I'm concerned, any excuse for a latte is a good one!

Keep posting. We'll help you through this as well.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Peace

Just chiming in to agree with everyone else!!

Maybe the "support" can just be the time together, getting to know a new friend. I know that for me, just spending time with other people can give me a lift, even if we don't talk about anything deeper than our kids, or what books we're reading, or whatever. It just feels good to connect with another human being.

sweetie.. im betting your mind is making this into something really big and naturally frightening.. and im not saying to not feel that way because that is just how you feel...

but i am also betting this woman is astute(sp?) enough to know that a coffee date can just be a coffee date. Maybe she just wants you to have company instead of sitting by yourself missing T. Talk about other things. If she is with it enough to tap you when you drift i doubt she's going to pin you against the caribou cafe wall and say "pink.. SPILL IT!!"

im not making light of it at all... making new connections is hard.. hell, i find it hard on PC and that isn't even face to face

and you know.. if you decide not to go, it's ok too... she won't like you any less. Neither decision is bad or wrong... do what your heart tells you

much love.. miss you tons - no one but no one is as silly as you!!!

((((((((Pink))))))))))

I'd ask if you can go, and play it by ear. Just talk about whatever, and if you are comfortable, venture to that topic. If not, just stay away from the subject. If she doesn't agree to that (and who wouldn't??) then I'd pass. You can't force a subject like that. It just won't work.

But, it would be awfully nice to have someone who shared this coping tool, and really "got it" who would spend time alone, and drink coffee, and just talk. You decide ahead that if you drift too much, you guys talk about basketball.

Best, campy

I called her before and confirmed. She asked me how I was doing with T being on vacation and I said, surprisingly well-- I haven't even felt too much like I NEED to call him, even though he told me to call twice. I said that I felt like I have him close. She said that was looking forward to Saturday and was really interested in hearing me tell her how I managed to keep T close to me and why I felt it's different this time.... that doesn't seem like such a bad place to start. I'm kind of looking forward to spending time with her.

with every single post above me. How's that for lazy? But, I really do mean it!

tulips