just thinking of T feels good today

I'm having a calm day without depressed feelings, quite a rare thing in my anxious life. A calm day and thoughts of T.
Non-dissociate calmness or maybe actually it is dissociation to the place in me that loves T and that T cares about.

I just know that today.. it feels good.

I may shock her with a non-crisis phone message to tell her what I'm feeling and how good it feels. hehe

Very cool, thanks for sharing your good day!

Let us know if you call T to tell her that!

What I think I'm feeling is trust. I've been journalling about this good feeling I have been able to keep. So often this is a transition from intense anxiety to depression and I wanted to capture this period before that happened. But it doesn't seem like that's what it is. It's still with me and it's peaceful.

I believe the last couple of sessions and a phone call from T when I hadn't asked for one, as well as her kind reassurance in that call, have all allowed me to let go of something. Not yet sure exactly what yet.

I think I am trusting the trust. It feels real to me now. It began with a leap of faith after the holiday break. I decided to trust T and to be more forthcoming in session. Therapy changed and deepened but it is just now that I'm feeling that it's real and i can trust it and T.

I don't have to suffer crises alone, and a crisis won't send me over the edge. That in itself is so relieving.

I like where I am and it's been a long time since I've been able to say that.

Of course, the winds shift, the pendulum swings... so who knows what tomorrow brings. But for today I will bask in it.