[Kiya]

where it is getting time to have to tell t that i am spiraling downward and getting really fatalistic in my thinking... but i don't wanna. i don't want things to get all serious and stuff. i know i'm supposed to but i've stopped caring, really. i just want to push the stop button or the pause button and take a break from life so i can rest some. i don't want to do the deeper work that might supposedly free me from this cycle. i'm not sure i believe it exists any more. come to think of it, MD is the only person i've ever met IRL that made it - that broke the cycle and got out and is living the life she loves. mind you, she's out of the country at the mo. poop on all of it. i just don't care. i know this is cyclical... but i don't care.
what the heck do i tell t?
see ya?
adios?
sinara?
tschuss?
tell t i'm going into hibernation until this passes?

[Mouse_]

Kiya, Just tell him what you wrote here.

[bchlyn]

yes, kiya it's time to tell her... you can do this... lyn

[bipolar_bear]

I hope you find the strength to tell her. It is so important. I know it is so hard sometimes but with your support network you will be fine. Please reach out to her.

BB

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kiya said:
i just want to push the stop button or the pause button and take a break from life so i can rest some. i don't want to do the deeper work

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Kiya, there are times in psychotherapy when we are strong enough to do the deep work and there are times when we are not. The T should not push if you are not ready. During the times when we are not strong enough, the T can give a more supportive form of psychtherapy. I hope you can share with your T exactly what you have written here so that she knows, and can offer support and help.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MD is the only person i've ever met IRL that made it - that broke the cycle and got out and is living the life she loves

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It is so valuable to have her as a role model. She can do it, so can you.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
tschuss?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">This "bye" brings back fond memories for me of living in Switzerland.

[Kiya]

if i don't tell her.... it's not really real. if i keep it to myself then i can ignore it and keep not caring. if i tell her then i have to deal with it - take steps to manage it
this feels like delerium - real and not real and fading in/out.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kiya said:
i don't want things to get all serious and stuff. i know i'm supposed to but i've stopped caring, really.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I know what you mean by that, but don't you think it already has gotten serious?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
what the heck do i tell t?
see ya?
adios?
sinara?
tschuss?
tell t i'm going into hibernation until this passes?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Why are the only options to tell T goodbye? Can T help you through this? I understand what it feels like when you feel as though you have just stopped caring-- but you have not stopped caring... because if you did, you wouldn't be writing this post and you wouldn't be concerned as far as what you should tell your T. It really sounds to me as though you are reaching out for T's help and are not sure how to go about it. Can you talk to T about these warning signs that signal that you might be going downhill? I have been through this so many times before-- it is a time when one needs support more than ever. I encourage you to reach out.

((((((Kiya)))))))),
I hope you can discuss this with your T even though I know you would rather discuss it with your MD. I'm going in and out of the same cycle and know how difficult it is. Take care and stay safe.

[Kiya]

pink, sol...
i finally sent t an email. pretty much saying what i have in here - that i don't want to reach out but i need to. that i don't want to deal with it, but i shouldn't ignore it. and took a poll of the alters on who is on the "choose life" side... was pretty slim.
i couldn't call t or any dr i know... a.i don't know what i'd say, b. i don't have any privacy to talk.