i'm a mess.

So T is going on vacation next week. We have 2 apts set up this week, tonight and thursday. For some reason yesterday i sent her an email and said i wont be able to see her this week. I said its too hard to say goodbye so i'm saying it now. I've been having a really hard time and for some reason i'm having a hard time that she's going away. I feel stupid for canceling this week when i really want to see her. but also i meant what i said in that i don't want to say goodbye on thursday and i'm glad i got it out of the way. i'll miss her, i'm a wreck already and she didn't even leave yet. I'm the one that left. what the heck?

Try to hold positive thoughts Kraz....keep in mind you WILL..see
her when she returns....I hope she's not gone too long. Stay close to everyone here...

thanks zig

krazibean, you have to engage. You can't have therapy if you won't go! Yes it's hard and it hurts and it's confusing but you're just spinning your wheels if you don't go!

(((((((((((krazibean))))))))))
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

heh that's what i was thinking of doing next week so i don't have to say good bye to my t.

Hey Krazibean

It's SOOOO hard when T goes on vacation

My T is on vacation this week, and I was SO tempted to skip my appointments last week - especially my Thursday one, which would be my last before his vacation. I didn't want to say good bye. I was really torn and went back and forth about canceling.

In the end, I went to see him, and I'm really glad I did. We spent most of the session just getting me ready for his vacation. I asked him to leave me a voice mail message on my phone for when he was gone, and he did...and now I have that to listen to and it's really nice. During the appointment, he gave me a lot of reassurance that I would be okay, that he would be back, that our connection could survive a one week break, etc. It helped. AND I knew that since I saw him on Thursday, I wouldn't have to wait quite as long before I could see him again (a total of 11 days)

Is there any way you could still go see her? Maybe she could leave you a message to listen to, or give you something from her office to hang on to (I have a pretty marble from my T's office).

Good luck. It's so tough when our T's are gone.

Bean-

Try and call her and set an appointment up. Ask her for what you need. My T is on vacation this week and I went before T left and asked for a voice-mail. It helped....

I am sure she will try and fit you in. I think you need to go.. What about your box???

i dunno. i still want my box. she called me after i didn't show up tonight and sounded kinda concerned. she said its not like me to not show up for apts. i feel so bad. but it hurts too much. her voice on the phone was enough to bring me to the ground in tears. what is going on?

One word:

ABANDONMENT fear = fear of not being cared for

You need to work through this. Try and call her and set up an appointment. It will be hard, but she can give you something to hang onto.

You haven't got your box yet?

((((((((((((((krazibean))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry it hurts so much, but I do understand. It does seem easier to end things temporarily on our *own* terms, then just whenever the T decides that they need to go on vacation, or whatever. Sounds like she cares about you enough to call you though... maybe you can call her back, and then try to go see her on Thursday? I know it will be hard, but then maybe you can have your object, and she can help prepare you better for her leaving?

Good gentle thoughts to you.

yeah - maybe you can get your thursday time back....
i hope.