[its_me]

I'm just wondering if anyone has any ideas for me...

I have been with my T for a year and a half, and sometimes I think there is progress and other times I believe I continually am taking steps backwards. My husband also tells me that he has seen no positive changes at all - to him I seem worse. I really trust his input because he lives with me. My T has asked me a time or 2, if I felt she was helping and my answer always seems to be very ambiguous "yes and no"...

I'm seriously considering finding a new T and I have been doing some research. I believe I may have found one that is more intune with who I want to be as a complete individual.

This is one of her statements:
"I am devoted to helping you find a psychological, emotional, mental and spiritual balance to live more fully in your true self."

It has always been very important for me to bring my spirituality into my healing. Anyway, I have talked with her over the phone and also had a consultation with her in her office. I was scared to death, but I also felt an overwhelming sense of security - wierd... We talked for an hour and I actually talked more than I usually do, got emotional and didn't feel like a "crybaby". At the end of our visit she asked me if I thought we could work together and then she said - "don't give me an answer now, go home and think about it and let me know what you want to do".

Well, I have been thinking about it and my heart and my head is telling me to give it a shot...

Well, what do I tell my T? And how do I tell her? I don't know what I am afraid of but it really does scare me to tell her I want to see a different T! If anyone has any ideas - I am open to any and all suggestions.

Thanks...

[Christina86]

hey its_me

I'd simply tell your current T that things aren't working out right now and that you two don't "mesh" for the best therapeutic relationship. T's are quite able to deal with you saying "I don't like you, and I've found someone I work better with" ... it's their job to help you, and if you find that the relationship isnt helping... then it's your right and responsibility to help yourself.

I told my T that I was essentially "firing" him and I really wanted him to be mad, but he was really understanding. I'll bet something similar will happen for you.

Be well, hope your experiences with the other T go well!

[Perna]

I'm a bit of a chicken, I'd "blame" it on what my husband says, say he hasn't seen any progress and you trust his judgement so you're going to try with another person; not her/T's fault, probably you, yada yada :-) I'd tell her all this at the beginning of the session and then I'd ask if this session was enough or if she wanted you to come back once more, etc.

I'd just keep repeating how I maybe don't feel like I'm working hard enough, making a connection, etc., I would try to keep it away from discussing much about the T and her methods, even though that might be helpful to her to know but that isn't your problem, you're just trying not to rock the boat. Don't discuss having already found someone else or why you like them, etc. Just be your normal self, a little vague, and obviously wanting out of there, LOL.

[(JD)]

A therapist is someone you hire, and add to your team of care givers that meet your needs for healing. You hire all your doctors as advisors etc. Think of it as a business, your healing, and you are the CEO. You bring all your advisors to the table to help you make good decisions on which way to go, what to do, what needs to be done. Would you have any trouble firing one that wasn't helping you meet those needs?

Call the current T up, leave a message or write a letter (cancel your appointments though, first, giving them time to fill them with other patients.) Just say you really don't feel you have made progress and are going to see xx xx, and to please send the new T your records, for continuity.

It happens all the time. No one T is good for all people.

TC

[lauren_helene]

I agree with Sky on what to say. Sometimes we have a T and there were able to take us to a certain point and then we need to move on.

It's crossed my mind a time or two. Although, in my case, I'm just running...I've never stayed with a T for longer than a month or so and over two years is huge for me.

It seems to me that you have a very good potential T so go for it

[chaotic13]

I would just go to my next appointment. Tell her you've decided that you want to discontinue. Thank her for all the things she has helped you accomplish. If she asks why you have decided to discontinue. Simply say that your just feeling a little stagnant at the moment and want to take some time off and re assess where what you want and where you are head. I wouldn't mention about finding someone else, nor would I have your records transfered. I would take this opportunity to start fresh with someone new. This will give you a chance to start a totally new therapeutic relationship.

Actually, since your relationship has been 1 1/2 years, I would not be so quick and "cold" to your T. You never know when and if you might need T again.

I would schedule an appointment and tell T that you are going to end treatment because you have not been making the progress that you feel you should. But that you appreciate all T's help.

I would not mention you have a new T already. What happens if this new T does not work out? or is a crazy lady? I would wait until you have established a face-to-face connection with new T to have your records sent, etc.

Yes we hire T's but they are a large part of a relationship with us that is much different than other care-givers or MDs.

Just my 2 cents.

[its_me]

I appreciate everyones input... I have been soaking everything up and trying to make my plan.

I will see the new therapist on Monday for the second time - because I still have not made a definite decision. I want to ask her some more questions and dependent upon her answers - I'll make my decision to go with her or not

And I see my T tomorrow, but I'm not going to say anything yet. I will schedule one more session and I will know what I am going to do by then and will have time to put my thoughts together and do what needs to be done.

And Perna, my husband gave me permission to use him as an excuse if I couldn't find something better to say...

Thanks.

[Mouse_]

For me its the changes I notice on the outside before they become noticeable in the outside, plus I think though he never says, my husband feels a bit threatened by my changing and early in recovery he would have said there was no change because its hard for those around us too, they dont know whats going to happen. Change is slow, I've been active recovery for 5 1/2yrs now.

[ECHOES]

i'm wondering if you are running from something, like being open and honest with your current T. You might want to talk to her more openly and honestly like you have here about what you want in therapy. She may need more than a 'yes and no' kind of resonse from you to know how to proceed in the direction you want to go.

That said, therapy is a process that isn't linear and progress can include some stepping backwards in order to move forward again.

Tell her face to face if you're going to change. There's nothing wrong or mean-spirited about making a change that you see as positive for you. Telling her face to face respects her and the work you've done together and is an opportunity to thank her for working with you even if you don't think it was helpful to you. .

I've had many T's and a year ago I changed T's after seeing a psychologist for about 6 months. She was a nice person and a great T for many, but not for me. She said she did psychodynamic psychotherapy but in reality she preferred hypnotherapy and didn't tell me this until we had been doing a lot of guided imagery, which was great. I didn't know it was leading to/had become hypnotherapy until that came out casually in a session. I wanted to talk and she didn't, so I found a psychoanalytic therapist. It was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I missed the previous T and sometimes still do; what we did together was helpful, but not what I was looking for. I've found what I was looking for and I'm very happy with my current T.

When you meet with the new T you could talk to her about how to tell your T you are heading in another direction. She can help you with your worries and fears about telling your T that you're making a change.