[pachyderm]

Don't trust T. Don't trust anyone. Cannot see any way out. T does not listen. No one listens. Cannot figure out how to get anyone to listen... Have never had any supposed therapist who "gets it". And therefore, it must be my fault, right? What is wrong with me that I cannot find anyone to be on my side? I must really be some kind of monster.

I have been reading a book by one of the Japanese-Americans who were interned in a "relocation camp" in World War II. I did not realize it, but she knew some of my own family. (My father was a school principal in one of the camps.) Anyway, her experiences mirror my own in some ways: living in a society that treated her as an enemy, when that society was her own. (She was a teenager and American-born.) Always having to be afraid. Being abandoned by most of the dominant society, and having to rely almost solely upon family and fellow internees. Exploited by having home and possessions taken over by others. Having to abandon pets who consequently did not survive.

Not that I have had all these experiences, but the one of being "different" and having no one who is prepared to hear the reality of what we have gone through, that part I have. In my case, even family could not be relied upon.

<font color=" red">Scream!</font>

(How do I make text giant-sized?)

[gimmeice]

((((((((((Pachyderm))))))))))
I'm sorry your feeling so bad right now, it's so hard when you feel like nobody understands you.

[LittleMouse]

What is it that you want people to understand about you. Maybe more people understand than you think if you will share with us what is bothering you and why you can't trust anyone. Maybe you could share more of yourself and help us to understand what is bothering you about yourself.

[Kiya]

((((((((pachy))))))))))))

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((pachyderm)))))))))))))))

Maybe giving this post to your T, or telling them that they need to listen more will help?

[Perna]

It has to be hard feeling no one listens (or not having anyone who does listen).

I was looking at this:

http://www.heidegger.org.uk/theraslist.htm

and thought of you, pachyderm, and this post.

((((pach))))

doll... take a risk... just say it straight out. Not in riddles or wound around explanations

just pick one thing and say it... say it exactly like what you want the other person to hear

you're holding everything so close.. like a golden treasure.. and it is a treasure because it is your pain, your memories.. but it burns right? you want someone to see, but you are protective of it.

awww sweets... i feel for you, i really do

(((((Pachyderm)))))))))
I hate it when no one hears your point of view, that really sucks. I'm listening and hope that you feel better soon!

[pachyderm]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Christina86 said:

Maybe giving this post to your T, or telling them that they need to listen more will help?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I have tried this. He thinks he is listening. He thinks when he talks it is listening. He does not know how to handle my panic. He is not good at dealing with anxiety. When I am panicked what he does does not help me.

It is only when I am not panicked that I can think reasonably clearly. Then I am able to some extent to understand what is happening with me in therapy and otherwise. I do not know if those sometime intervals when I can think with some clarity and get insights are enough for me to make any progress in therapy. I certainly know that when my thinking is badly affected, I feel horribly panicked -- and no one seems to be able to cope with my being that way in any effective way.

Thanks for all who expressed support...