[MissCharlotte]

TEEE WHERE ARE YOU?????

That is what I feel like screaming right now. I should be pulling into a parking space in his lot right now and I'm sitting here posting instead.

It's so amazing how our core wounds are played out over and over within the context of our relationship with T. OMG, I feel so abandoned and the worst part is that I feel like he dumped me with strangers like my parents did once for a month. That feeling came up because of the crappy pdoc visit yesterday

So, he's coming back right? He didn't abandon me did he? I'm so freaking anxious. Intellectually I know the answers to those questions but emotinoally I can't FEEL the security. I only feel nervous and there is a little voice in my head that is making me confused and saying, "you're alone." "You are in an empty space."

[Christina86]

((((((((MissCharlotte))))))))))))))

Breathe. Can you spend the time writing to T, or doing something calming/relaxing that you can share with T when they return? That's helped me... especially reading and writing.

You aren't alone. I'm sorry you feel that way though.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((MissCharlotte)))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you feel abandoned and alone, I completely understand the feeling one way emotionally and another way intellectually , I deal with that a lot and find it very frustrating.

It's so hard when T is gone. I'm sorry it feels so bad for you right now. Of course T will be back, but it's hard to FEEL it while he's not here.

You're not alone...we're here It's not the same, but at least you can vent, and we can listen and help you through this.

[pegasus]

((((((((((( MissCharlotte ))))))))))))

I know that feeling well, my T had to cancel a couple of times recently and it was real hard.

Do you have anything at home that reminds you of T so that you feel more of a connection?

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MissCharlotte said:
I only feel nervous and there is a little voice in my head that is making me confused and saying, "you're alone." "You are in an empty space."

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Now I want you to hear his voice in your head telling you that can jump over this space. Remember? You are not in the empty space.

Remember when my T went away and I felt like he dumped me on strangers? (The facilitator of the BPD group). Ours T's dump us off (haha) because they care about us so much that they want to make sure we get all the care we need, even when they are gone. It is just unfortunate that the new pdoc did not work out for you, just as the group is not really a good support for me right now.

Mr. T is coming back. So there! That's it! That's all!

xoxoxoxoxox

((((MissC))))),
You're not alone! You're surrounded by all kinds of people:



I wish you much peace until your T gets back.

Love ya'

[Perna]

Hate that dumped with stranger thing. My father had to do that with me after my mother died and then my stepmother, who was new to me, took me to all my new "relatives" and left me with them. Took me until just a couple years ago to realize that's why I hate going to other people's houses (hated babysitting as a teen, never quite understood why), I'm afraid I'll be stuck there!

I have special "comforting" novels I re-read, often about families or relationships that are warm and where kids are safe and individuals appreciated for situations like that where I feel alone. I use to write a letter to my T at the time or think about how I was going to tell her about a situation, next time I saw her, that had been horrible and lonely, that helped too sometimes.

[Kiya]

ohhhhhh =(
Can you call t?
email t?
have a "session in your head" with t?

[Kiya]

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Perna said:
I have special "comforting" novels I re-read, often about families or relationships that are warm and where kids are safe and individuals appreciated for situations like that where I feel alone. I use to write a letter to my T at the time or think about how I was going to tell her about a situation, next time I saw her, that had been horrible and lonely, that helped too sometimes.

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me too - when i get stressed or alone (or take mom to the hospital) or like this week with t gone, i read a LOT of harry potter. My book 3 is so worn and battered (paper copy), i take it everywhere. It went with me to school today - and then i found an entire stack of them in the school library!

[Perna]

Madeleine L'Engle is good too; there's "family" there, with wonderful, weird, magical kids like we were :-)

http://www.madeleinelengle.com/

[Fuzzybear]

[MissCharlotte]

Thanks everyone. I'm hanging in there...feel really sad right now.


I can't concentrate on reading a novel BUT I did read a short story by Stephen King with my students (very gory).

I did have a conversation in my head with T this evenng. It just sort of happened automatically, I found myself talking to him and telling him about the horrible pdoc appointment. I was also talking about how depressed I was last visit before he left.

This evening I did speak to my (original) pdoc. He said that I should increase my lexapro to 10 mg. and we'll see on Monday what to do.

It's really weird not having T here. I just can't help feeling like I am being punished for being bad and that if I hold my breath, he'll be back and I can forget about this grief I'm feelng.

TEEEEEEE where are you?

Peace

[Kiya]

"It's really weird not having T here. I just can't help feeling like I am being punished for being bad and that if I hold my breath, he'll be back and I can forget about this grief I'm feelng.

TEEEEEEE where are you?"

t would probably ask you to breathe deeply
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))