Trying to work it all out...

I don't really understand what is going on, you have to understand that I'm a multiple so everything is higgldy piggldy anyway.

You see, I somehow managed to get into the British Psychological Society, my organization, very proud of it to, and then get accepted into more sections and divisions of it, with no questions asked. (But damn, Iv'e worked hard too.)

But the thing is I'm just a teaching assistant, ok I specialize in learning disability and special needs and all that and the boss did call me a therapist the other day, right infront of people. I was so embarrassed I didn't acknowledge it.

And I've done some training off my own back, I was up till 2am last night doing a course on Leadership! WTF am I doing! Hopefully I'll get another doctoral level certificate for that and I'll be pleased? It's all very scary actually.

So, I turned up to work today having had only 4 hours sleep, I felt sick as a dog. All I could think about was the leadership training I've just finished and how scary that is. And what a baby am I? And I just really wanted to puke so I had to leave work early, let everyone down and not say what's really going on here.

I guess it's all stress, and I wonder whether I'm just going completely round the bend.

Someone here asked me the other day whether I was a practicing psychologist, do you know I'm not sure what the hell I am? I'm in the division of clinical psychology but I'm not a fully fledged chartered psychologist, I certainly don't get paid loads of money! But maybe I'm on the way to my dream? Why didn't anyone tell me? But I'm not a student either. So what am I doing. Winding myself up I think!

Need to go and puke now.

((((((((((((((((((((Pegasus))))))))))))))))))))))

Could it be that another part is working your way to being a fully fledged chartered psychologist? I have had parts do things that I found out about later, such as language learning and schooling.

I hope you figure things out soon. Try to breathe and relax if you can. I also hope you feel better soon.

Thanks ((((((((((( wanttoheal )))))))))))

You see when I go and see T now all we ever talk about is my work and what I'm doing with the staff and children, and I said to him last week that we've forgotten about the baby parts of me that have no idea what is going on at all! But maybe they are gradually realising and scared? But I'm not a student!

I need to do some relaxation, and stop thinking about it.

Try not to spend as much time defining yourself Pegasus. Language and the language of thnking always seems to search for boxes to put things in. Ourselves too....

You are an evolving creature,,one who has demonstrated the capacity for genuine honesty to those about you and most importantly,,to yourself...

I think reasonable goals or points upon the horizon are healthy aspects to include in our daily living,,,,but to be flexible to move with the needs that are exposed to us through the same living is what truly allows us to grow and expand..

We are dynamic forces in a dynamic universe that is always changing...

Your responses here are honest well articulated expressions of your desire to "know" and more importantly to share...

It is the teacher within us all which in the end offers hope to those that follow...

Do the next right thing and somehow our souls become quiet...

IMHO.

Lenny

(((((((((( Lenny ))))))))))) Thank you for your words of wisdom. I could sit with you all day and I know we would have a really interesting and indepth conversation, going off the point here...

Maybe I need to stop trying to work it all out and just 'do.' Always striving to get 'there' but in all honesty we/I would just keep on going. Just like the child sitting in the back of the car saying, 'Are we nearly there yet?'

I would look for someone I worked with whom I trusted that I could sit down and talk with. I would try to explain the stress I'm under because I just want to work with the children and all these extra accolades are getting in my way and making me feel worse, more stressed and not helping me in any way with the children. I'd acknowledge it might help the organization to have me win all the prizes but that in the long run, it's hurting them because I'm a simple creature and just want to work with the children, where my true interests and skills lay.

Could all this extra work if it weren't happening so fast?

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pegasus said:
Just like the child sitting in the back of the car saying, 'Are we nearly there yet?'

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Yep...like the great marketing line by Nike..."just do it"...action often is the best possible solution to confusion...making a simple choice to do what is in front of you often cleans the table for the next thing,,and the next thing and so forth...

We sometimes think ourselves into pain....I know I do...silly really..almost like I enjoy my misery...

But the child gets there and we don't...we find that destinations are "wishes" but journeys are forever...it is the way that we grow. If we ever "got there",,then why go any further?

And I too would listen long to your words Pegasus...

Lenny

Stop the world I want to get off?

The trouble is, I not only have the kiddie sitting in the back seat but there is one driving aswell! Bit of a scary driver too!

Need to do some self-care and try not to study and do training at 2am in the morning, might help, but how to persuade the driver to slow down a bit?

Thanks ((((((((( Perna ))))))))))

(((((((( Lenny ))))))))))

(((((((((((((( pegasus ))))))))))))))

Thanks ((((((((((( Fuzzybear ))))))))))))

Not feeling too good right now and just started the next bit of training on ACT and FAP therapy, it's all a load of fap to me at the moment!

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Keep talking - there are so many people here who want to help you.

Thanks, you are very kind.

((((((Pegasus))))))
I know you'll get this all worked out. Wait a minute, "just a T.A." for students with learning disabilities? That is a job in and of itself, but you're that and a whole lot more.

Good luck!

((Pegasus))

I work with students with disabilities also. I have a Masters degree in Literacy but last year was "just" a substitute teacher while I finished my schoolwork. Now I am a Director in a school. I like to think that where I am at any given moment is where I am supposed to be. The experience I gained, the contacts I made are very valuable. (Mind you when I am "in" it, I can't hold onto that!)

Maybe now you are ready to move forward in your career. Do you have a trusted confidante you can talk with to clarify your goals? How about T? Someone in the profession? Then you can make a plan to move in the direction of those goals. It sounds like you are well educated now. Maybe just a few courses to supplement?

I remember how happy you were recently to get into this area. I hope you can hold onto that good feeling as you prepare to further your career.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks so much, I really appreciate your replies.

I managed to get a good nights sleep last night so I was able to go to work today.

MissCharlotte, I talk with T every week and try to clarify what I am doing and usually feel confident and positive when I am with him. I write down important points in the session so that it is clear. But when the session is over and I'm back outside in the real world I start denying everything, and start thinking that can't be true, I'm not that good etc etc... Seems I need T to kick me up the backside every week!

Thanks all for your support.