[chaotic13]

about past abuse, but your T keeps injecting it back into the discussion.

Is this likely her way of politely saying, ‘You think you’ve dealt with this but I’m not convinced.’

Is she looking for me to say, acknowledge, or do something that I'm obviously not getting?

[Christina86]

She probably thinks you've not dealt with things fully, yes... I've had that before... it irritates me to no end, but then it turns out that T is right. (I hate that!)

(((((((((((mckell)))))))))))))) If you think you've dealt with things enough, talk to your T and find out what they want

[bipolar_bear]

Are you being retraumatized or is it working through things? I think it makes a big difference which one it is.

BB

[sunrise]

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mckell13 said:
Is she looking for me to say, acknowledge, or do something that I'm obviously not getting?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think the best thing is to ask her.

I know before I could really even start to work on leaving my marriage (in therapy), I had to work on past trauma. I was stuck and couldn't move forward without dealing with that first. T saw the connection immediately, but my first T had not and so we got nowhere. I'm not sure if that has any relevance to what you are experiencing....

[Merlin]

Maybe you haven't dealt with it, but you don't have to deal with it on her terms. You can deal with as much as you need to for a while, then revisit it and deal with it some more. You don't have to deal with it all in one shot. Tell her that you've dealt with it enough for now and that you will bring it up again when you need to or she can tell you if she thinks it is significantly impairing progress in another area. She should not dictate what you work on, though she obviously has a stake in it.

[chaotic13]

Thank you everyone!

Looking at this post today makes me think it was a late night reminder from one ego state to another

Last session was the first session I can honestly say that I felt comfortable on the ugly coach. My approach to therapy this month has been to raise the topics I avoided or that plagued my thoughts between sessions. Hmm.. maybe I wasn’t as comfortable or communicative as I thought when the abuse topic was raised.

I guess I have my starting point for tomorrow’s session. Ugh! If I really have dealt with this then I should able to ask her why she keeps leading me back to it and move then move on to other things.

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bipolar bear said:
Are you being retraumatized or is it working through things?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

If I am interpreting your question correctly, I hope the latter. When I first revisited this point in my life and wrote about it, I experienced a lot of adverse affects that took me along time to get a handle on. I’d like to avoid that again.

Sunrise as you know I definitely appear to be stuck, but I’m not convinced this is really why.

Merlin, thanks for reminding me that I’m in charge. My T likely has a reason for continually interjecting this issue into our conversations.

I think I am just working through my resistance here before I go tomorrow. Thanks for helping me.

[MissCharlotte]

McKell

I think, in the working through, we become aware of behaviors/reactions to incidents, etc., in current "real" time that are connected to past abuse. I know that T often reminds me of the abuse when we are talking about something seemingly unrelated.

I think it's their way of helping us to integrate these experiences rather than "pack them away" in a separate compartment that we can just forget about. Or at least that's my take.

I hope you have a good session this week.

Peace.

it concerns me some.. i just dont think a T should direct where things should go.. the client has to *need* to go there themselves. Me suggesting XH go to anger managment is futile, even if he went.. until HE feels he needs to do it.

of course.. mckell, you've been quite vocal about not expressing emotions in therapy, so maybe she can't entirely tell where you are at with this. Asking her directly is a good suggestion. And yes, if you are truly ok with it then you should not have a collapse in trying to ask.

i have trouble with this idea of "ego states." i haven't found any information about that idea which explains it well. (and i am looking for research-based stuff) i wish Alex hadn't left, she's great for information like this. No offense intended to anyone, I am genuinely curious.

[Perna]

MzJello, did you find this?

http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/...full/157/4/528

[chaotic13]

I didn't go there today. I was stressing a bit about it , but the conversation started differently and somehow morphed into me mentioning a new stress/fear issue. I don't think I was avoiding anything. In fact I am proud of myself for going with the flow today. Where we went I was TOTALLY unprepared for, but I survived.

Of course right at the end of the session she said.. We don't have time to talk about this now...but, where do you think you developed this fear from? Do you think it is connected to your childhood abuse? So it is back again.

Hmmm, wonder were my mind will take me this time.

Jello, I don't know about the ego state stuff either. I just realize now that a part of me surfaces when I am alone and usually late at night. I guess everyone has this somewhat. This part of me is very reflective. It seems as though my T throws some statements out that are not acknowledged or recognized as meaningful to me during the session, but then mean something to this other part. We've talked about this when I was writing her. Apparently, I present myself in these writings is from a different perspective than the one I bring to the session. I think lately since I have stopped myself from writing her, now I write myself.

McKell,
I also have difficulty sometimes going to session -- I sometimes plan to say a bunch of things but end up talking about something totally different.

Have you told your T how you feel about her frequently injecting the abuse issue into the conversation? I don't know, maybe she is doing it for a purpose or maybe it is just something she says without realizing she's doing it so often. I say this because I often try to figure out why my T is doing certain things and when I ask him, sometimes he is doing it for a reason but sometimes it's just something he says. I hope that makes sense, LOL.

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In fact I am proud of myself for going with the flow today.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is a good point you bring up. Sometimes it is so anxiety-producing to just go with the flow. Congrats on your accomplishment

[chaotic13]

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Soliaree said:
Sometimes it is so anxiety-producing to just go with the flow.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is very true for me. I HATE talking about stuff without mulling it over first. I say things that really make me later feel like a complete idiot. Half the time the stuff is so jumbled that it doesn't even make sense. At least I managed to stay calm during the session. Unfortunately I am now suffering some adverse affects.

Does anyone else totally lose it after therapy sessions? I usually can maintain civil behavior, but tonight things just went from bad to worse. My head is exploding. My golf game tonight totally sucked . My H really pissed me to the point that I am sleeping on the couch. I lost it with my youngest over his undone homework and flew around the house on my broom for a while (only making the situation worse). Luckily I came to my senses, hugged him a billion times and apologized yelling at him.

I am dying to write my T and amend what I said. Unfortunately, all that would do is make me look even worse and draw attention to the fact that I am really rattled. Besides, I'm trying to learn to settle myself. I shouldn't have to email her between sessions. I think I just need to shut everything down and take a time out for the night.

"Breathe, be still, and realize there's nothing you have to do right now to be okay." -- Quote from Soliaree's T

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I lost it with my youngest over his undone homework

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm a teacher and I think homework is the root of all evil, LOL. I have to fight with my daughter to get it done and it is so aggravating! I've lost it over that issue more than once. I always feel bad after it, too, though. Homework is the issue that I deal with the most with complaining parents. They complain that I am too lax (not all of them).

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and flew around the house on my broom for a while

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

OMG, LOL! Do I have permission to use this analogy? I love it.

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I am dying to write my T and amend what I said.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I hate that feeling! It makes it so difficult to wait until next session. When I feel like this and have called my T, he always says that he would rather me call him and spend 10 minutes talking about it rather than having me suffer until next session. I hear what you are saying, that you want to be independent. But, I think it might be beneficial for you to email your T. There will be a time when independence is the goal (I hate saying that, because for me it will probably be 15 years down the road if not longer), but maybe now is the time to lean on T. (((McKell)))

[chaotic13]

Soliaree,
Thanks. Talk vs don't talk, write vs. don't write, react don't react. I haven't figure out when to lean on someone and when I am supposed to stand face stuff on my own. I must have missed this lesson in childhood. I also haven't figured out if my T is the person I'm supposed to lean on. ugh

My H and I got into it again this morning and I told him I am not happy in our relationship. My comments were not received very well. I am not sure where things are headed next. I'm just having an F*&^ed up day all around.

Your animated graphic above cracked me up though. The broom comment is not mine, it is used fairly commonly in my area. I need to look for a new avatar!