[jbug]

I emailed my T this question but thought I'd shoot it to the group to other points of view also.

Today I went and got the mail and in the was a letter from my doctor's office...I panicked and thought oh great he's dumping me and doesn't want to be my doctor anymore and here's the letter. Mind you he has never given any indication he would ever do this but this is the first thing that comes to mind when I get a letter that I am not expecting in the mail from his office. The letter was a survey asking how I rated their care. I had to laugh at myself afterward for getting so worked up for nothing but man why do I let myself do this. I am always waiting for the phone to call or a letter to come in the mail and it say my pdoc and T no longer want to see me. Why do I think this way? What has my mind wired so wierd?

Any ideas on how to counteract the thoughts once they start?

Jbug

[MissCharlotte]

((Jbug))

I don't think it's weird. And I don't think there is anything "wrong" with the way your mind is wired. When we experience rejection as little children from people we depend on we carry those feelings into our adult lives. Maybe you hold some feelings of being cast away from a past relationship either as a child or adult?

I'm glad it was a survey!!

I have such a fear of rejection/abandonment that your reaction to the letter makes perfect sense to me!!

This is one of the major issues I'm working on in T, I think. And his continual presence and patience is showing me over time that this time, I'm not going to be cast aside.

I did try writing down some things T has done that show how much he is there for me, so I could refer back to that list when I get fears like you described. It helps a little - but I think what helps the most is the passage of time in our relationship.

[(JD)]

I'm sorry you have this anxiety, how horrible it must feel! If you haven't discussed this fully with your T, that's what I would advise you to do first. Make sure you have a solid understanding of T's promise to continue to treat you, and if at some time T has to end therapy (such as a terminal illness or such) that he tells you how he will share that information with you. You can even have him write it down for you to keep to remind you. If he puts a copy in his file or notes too, that will help you be assured.

Ask your T if he is in this with you for the "long haul." That not only gets the message across to him that you need this assurance, but that you realize it isn't a quick fix and takes time.

Once you've had this talk and assurance, the way to block those fears is to assure yourself of the agreement, and remind yourself of it often, and even tell yourself that T has never left you before and he says he won't, even though others may have.

Hope this helps ease your anxiety.

[splitimage]

I get the same reaction whenever I get a letter from CAMH (The psych hospital my pdoc works out of.) I immediately think that she's dropping me as a patient, I think it has a lot to do with abandonment and rejection I experienced as a child and have never fully worked through. So I don't think your reaction was unusual at all.

--splitimage

[chaotic13]

I remember after my first few months of therapy the focus of my therapy changed dramatically. I had originally sought therapy for one issue and boom another one pops up. I was afraid that the terms of our interaction had changed and that my T might not have the interest or expertise to deal with the new issue. I eventually stopped arguing with myself and wrote my T asking her directly if I was in the right place and if she was interested and could handle treating me and this new issue. The next session was so important to me. She took the items that I had written and went through them one by one and re-affirmed that she was both interested and able to handle my issues. Although I did believe her at that point, the fact that I got this type of clear and direct affirmation was really important to me in later sessions.

[Kiya]

Yeah, I just also got a letter (and panicked!!) and it was just a news update to some changes being made - every client got it, and my name was even spelled wrong, so i know the receptionist typed it, not the dr. I think it is very normal.

[kim_johnson]

I have a similar thing. I'm looking at going overseas for a while and my therapist has started asking me to have a think about whether there is a single issue that we could focus on until then. I have been having trouble thinking of something. One night it suddenly occurred to me 'maybe he is suggesting / hinting that we focus on the issue of termination'. It suddenly hit me that maybe he was hinting that we wouldn't keep in touch and we wouldn't see each other again.

I emailed him and asked him if he was suggesting that and he said that he wasn't. That we could email and that he would be here for me once I got back. But still, I do have little moments of panic like that. Even though he has reassured me that we will continue working together.

What helps me? I guess I think a little about how my panic is probably more a response to past abandonments than to the actual liklihood that I'm being abandoned in the present. Just to be aware of that. If I tell myself I'm being 'silly' or something like that then I don't find that helps me particularly, though. Sometimes it helps to seek reassurance from him directly (like asking him whether he meant for me to think about termination). Sometimes his response is a bit comforting. Othertimes it doesn't really help, though. I just need to do some self-soothing things for myself to help myself feel a little better. I really think that it does get better with time.