I *think* I was insulted by T tonight...

Well we had our session after 16 days... I was glad that I didn't go off on him about the way my session was canceled. I very calmly went through my feelings about how I wasn't prepared for a long break and the way my last session was canceled.

Here is how it went. Apparently, T has no control over his schedule because he knew about this vacation three months ago but still scheduled my May appointments.

As he usually does, he blamed his assistant for not blocking out the vacation time so he couldn't book me. I said so you didn't know when your vacation was when you booked my May appointments?

Apparently not...he was very apologetic and said how much he likes me and wouldn't hurt me on purpose. he said he would write a letter for me to only open in the event that something like this happens again so I'll remember that he isn't leaving me or trying to get rid of me.

I liked that part so we'll see if I get the letter. Then we talked about weekly appointments and he said I could talk to his assistant about standing appointments...I said I'm talking to you he is not my therapist He just said well he does the schedule and he usually isn't aware of cancellations and such but tries to make sure it doesn't happen unless it is absolutely unavoidable.

I've never heard of someone who runs a business that deflects so much about the darn schedule!

I forgot how we got on this subject but he talked about how there are six people who see him weekly and have for years and they are "insufferable" but work hard and he enjoys them. Most others come and go or see him week after week and do not want to change.

I asked him if I was one of six who work hard and he said YES. So I didn't know that INSUFFERABLE means unbearable and intolerable... well isn't that special!!! That is how he sees the six of us...wow.

Did you all know that keeping a calendar of patients was this difficult? If I was thinking clearly I would've said so how will this ever be a safe environment for me?

I was hoping to hear that he would see to it to make sure this didn't happen again. he also said that on the way home from his vacation, WHICH HE HAD A GREAT TIME BY THE WAY HE SAID, he was wondering if I would be mad at him because of the long break.

I just don't know what to do with this information. I did try to make the standing appointment and got July down.

I was hoping I would feel better and I do somewhat but I felt an under current even though he wasn't at all defensive in his tone.

Sometimes I want to scream, I really do. I suffered for 16 days because of how this was handled and I'm the one who is insufferable???????????

Lauren-
I dunno; it seems like he was trying to be nice by sharing with you that he had a nice time. Maybe the emphasis was yours, not his? You know, magnified by your mind?

It's easy to think that other people can read our minds about how we feel, but they can't, not even the best of them. He's probably not willing to make promises that he can't possibly guarantee can be kept, which is a good sign, IMO. I'm sure he wouldn't have called you insufferable, unless he was trying to make light of a situation.

I wouldn't take it too seriously. I don't think he meant that you were insufferable, but rather that he ALSO sees you weekly. *shrug* I think you'll get a letter from him. He seems like he cares to me, but I don't know him or anything... maybe in your raw state from the 16 days separated and the cancellation that your seeing things more darkly than they are?

Lauren, I'm glad the session came and went and you survived. Some good, some not so good--just like life. That is great you were able to calmly go through the scheduling issue with him. Great job!

I would take him at his word about the schedule--he just doesn't deal with his own schedule, that is why he has an assistant. Maybe because of what you told him, he will talk to his assistant and let him know how he can do a better job. That will benefit all the clients, not just you, so potentially you have done a very good thing! My T does his own scheduling and has double booked me 3 different times. So not having an assistant is not necessarily the answer to scheduling woes.

It sounds like he was quite conciliatory and I like how he told you he would he would not hurt you on purpose. That must have felt good to hear, as I remember you had wondered if he canceled on you in the way he did on purpose to hurt you or teach you a lesson. I am glad you can put that worry to rest.

The letter sounds cool! Even if you never need to open it, it would be very reassuring to have it in your possession.

Some of the other comments are a mixed bag. He told you he likes you, doesn't want to hurt you, and thinks you work hard, but yet you are insufferable.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
so how will this ever be a safe environment for me?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Maybe you can focus on what happens inside the therapy room instead of on external stuff like scheduling. Once you are in the room with T, do you feel safe? If not, what can he do to help? It sounds like the scheduling issue is simply beyond your control so focusing on that is beating your head against the wall. Could you focus instead on what happens between you and him when you are together?

It sounds like you really want to tell him that he can be insufferable at times. That word has struck a chord. Go ahead, do it!

It sounds like you two made a good start at mending a rupture, but it is not quite all repaired yet. Great start, though. Hang in there with him. I think he really cares.

"As he usually does, he blamed his assistant for not blocking out the vacation time so he couldn't book me. I said so you didn't know when your vacation was when you booked my May appointments?"

Some people are just that considerate to "remember" that he has appointments to cover and obviously your T is not among them and he has his assistant as a nice excuse.

"I forgot how we got on this subject but he talked about how there are six people who see him weekly and have for years and they are "insufferable" but work hard and he enjoys them. Most others come and go or see him week after week and do not want to change."

if he didnt bother to think his intention before he opened up he'd better shut up.He takes the payments in hour and its his duty to be reponsible for every of his patients instead of those he might "enjoy".

Hi Lauren,
I think you have a few things to work through here with T. My T makes his own schedule so we don't have the intrusion of a third party.

I would definitely ask him about the insufferable comment. He did say how much he likes you and I love the idea of the letter, so I would go ahead and try and hang onto those good feelings while working through the others.

Good luck.

Thanks everyone!

Amazingly, it isn't bothering me anymore. Actually, I kind of like being "insufferable"...giggle. He may regret telling me that.

I will tell him next time that is the pot calling the kettle black. I think he did mean it as endearing in a way...

Yes, the schedule is what it is and I'm dropping that one. He can't promise anything even if he handled it himself so why focus on that?

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he talked about how there are six people who see him weekly and have for years and they are "insufferable"

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Wow...insufferable ... I don't know how I would have taken that one. Glad you are able to take this in stride. Luckily my T has never labeled me anything remotely derogatory.

The first part of this statement was what caught my attention. I don't know in my last session I realized on the way home that I had gotten really angry. In reviewning my session I'm not really sure what it was about the session that really pissed me off. The only thing I've been able to see is that I really didn't like when she mentioned having 3-4 patients who were experiencing the same things. I know I should take comfort in knowing I am not alone in my misery but....NOT. I don't really care if she has other patients, in fact I kind of like that she treats a lot of people--it adds to her credibility and experience. However, I really don't like when she mentions other patients (just in a general way) or lumps me some general "whatever" category.

I'm glad it doesn't bother you anymore....but are you absolutely sure he knew what "insufferable" meant when he said it? Sometimes people really do just use words incorrectly. I was just watching a reality show the other day, and the husband was describing his 6 year old daughter, and used the word "homely". And his wife was like, Wha?? She's not homely! And it turns out he meant something like sweet or cute, and just used the word incorrectly. It could be something as simple as that.

It's just the other details of your post make me think "unbearable" is not what he meant. For example, him saying he "enjoys" the other 6, don't correspond with him finding them "unbearable." Or him offering you a letter. Or him talking derogatorily about other clients in front of you, which would be totally unethical IMO. Please do update when you talk to him...now I'm curious what he meant!

You bring up good points notme. I often discount the positives!!

He wasn't insulting his other patients...trust me he loves all of us in his own way.

The real focus was to bring up the six of us I think the rest was just filler conversation. He never bashes other patients to me. It probably came across that way in my post though.

it is good you can laugh at wht at one time bothered you alot