[kessa19]

I'm very attached to T and extremely needy and often feel out of control because of it. It seems I'm not the only one who feels this way---what a relief! Is it a good or bad thing? Are certain diagnoses more susceptible to this? Does this dependency need to happen in order to heal or does it just prolong the process?

[Edahn]

Good or bad in terms of what? Your recovery? It depends on what your goal is. I would think that the feelings aren't good or bad, but how you address them can make all the difference. If you repress them or feel guilt or shame over them, it's not great. If you investigate why you feel that way, it can be a blessing.

I would guess that Borderlines are more likely to fall in love.

You should discuss it with your therapist, I'd say.

[Christina86]

((((((((((Kessa))))))))))))

As far as I'm concerned, a bit of dependence/neediness is normal for some people when it comes to building a strong therapeutic relationship. Doesn't happen for everyone, but it can be really nice to have someone who listens to us and understands us and supports us... right?

If you feel out of control with it, by all means talk to your T.

Hope that helps

[kessa19]

I guess by 'out of control' I mean that I often need to call and hear T voice message to know she's there so I feel safe. It makes me wonder if there's a developmental stage that's stuck that causes this???

[crazybones]

it all depend on what you plan on acheiving i mean being needy is not always bad it just says u look for some one to be there for you and all

[InsaneMax]

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kessa19 said:
I'm very attached to T and extremely needy and often feel out of control because of it. It seems I'm not the only one who feels this way---what a relief! Is it a good or bad thing? Are certain diagnoses more susceptible to this? Does this dependency need to happen in order to heal or does it just prolong the process?

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Hi kessa19,

From reading this forum in just the short time I've posted here, it seems that many people are VERY attached to their T. I don't think it's very healthy in some cases, but most of the time it's pretty harmless as long as boundaries are not violated from either side.

My understanding is that extreme dependency can happen to just about anyone who is susceptible at the time, and is overcome by those feelings. All disorders have varying degrees of severity, and overt behaviors can manifest themselves slightly differently from person to person. The goal should be to reduce these dependency issues with T, and to remember to focus on the problems that brought you to T, not the specific relationship with the T. If keep that in mind and work on your pre-existing issues, control can be regained.

Dependency doesn't need to happen, to answer your query; in fact, extreme dependency is counterproductive in any relationship, not just with T.
I think it will all work out for you if you remember the dysfunctional behaviors and thoughts that brought you into therapy, and try to deal with them first before you add T. to your full plate.
Best wishes kessa.

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InsaneMax said:
The goal should be to reduce these dependency issues with T, and to remember to focus on the problems that brought you to T, not the specific relationship with the T.

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I think this depends on the type of therapist you are seeing. My understanding is that in many schools of thought (psychodynamic, humanistic), the relationship with the therapist IS a big part of the therapy.

I know it's a big part of mine. Learning to be cared for, to resolve conflicts, to open up, to trust....these are all things I never had the opportunity to learn, and I am learning them in this relationship. Yes, there are other issues that brought me to T - past traumas, etc. - and that's part of my therapy as well. But the relationship is in many ways, the therapy.