[MissCharlotte]

I'm tired, edgy and out of sorts. I miss T. Plain and simple, I need to connect. Last week my H came in for a couples session on Tuesday and on Thursday I hit a boat load of traffic and was 20 minutes late, so we had a very short session. Plus the session was focused on preparing me for my surgery which was on Friday. (All went well).

So it feels like I haven't had a regular session in a long time and I just miss him so much.
It makes me feel like such a loser in a way. I mean for goodness sakes, why can't I go a while without the individual attention at this point? Why does it never seem like enough? Why can't I enjoy my family and just be grateful? Why do I feel alone when four people who love me very much are here in my home with me right now? Why do I feel weepy? Why can't I just be?

Maybe they were right--I am winging for no good reason.

[Mouse_]

Miss C! Yes I often wonder why I can't just be grateful, but then perhaps you are grateful but also want someone to just take care of you too!!...we all need someone to be there to listen to us and not have to do something for them. I know I do.

[ECHOES]

((( MissC )))

Very understandable that you are missing T.
And what a good job you are doing of articulating and dealing with the missing !

[sunrise]

MissCharlotte, it's OK to miss your T. It doesn't mean you're ungrateful for what you have, just that you want to have T in your life too.

When T was doing weekly couples sessions with my H and me, I still went to see him every other week alone. That was so important. I needed that extra care and support especially during the tense time of doing couples work. Sometimes seeing T together with my H was worse than not seeing T at all. There are times one can feel abandoned in couples therapy. And sometimes I felt another layer between me and T. I remember times T tried to connect with me in couples, and I wasn't very receptive. I kind of felt like, hey, don't try that with my H present! That's private, that's our way of being and not something I want to do with an onlooker!

I am glad you are surrounded by four people who love you.

Good news about your surgery. I hope you have a swift recuperation.

funny.. i was feeling the same way last night and today, and wondering if it will ever get better. Many man many hugs to you.

my t seems to think, correctly or not, that if we crave the love and attention we did not get as children... then it will always be like a hole in a wine bottle... as much as he puts in it will not fill the bottle, we need to meet that need ourselves. Now, please understand that i am not always entirely clear about what he means or is trying to say... i have big issues and doubts and trust problems... so i definitely filter what he says whether i mean to or not. He does not lean close and tell me it's okay... he does not move past a certain line of demonstrative caring. It's frustrating and i don't always know if it is the right appraoch for me - i mean, am i resisting painful change? or am i in need of something else?

but

the reason i am saying it in this thread is to toss out the idea of the healing of caring... and whether an increase of openly demonstrative and direct caring helps a person, or does it help hinder them? My T is very firm about dependence and i do see his point. i cannot tell where the legitimate need for attention, as you refer to it, ends and the schema driven drive to meet a past need begins. It's a difficult balance i think.

im with you Miss... missing T sucks donkey butt

[chaotic13]

(((Ms C)))
I'm missing my T at the moment too and feel similarly. Jello I think my T's approach is similar to how you describe your T.

[rdoc]

hi there,your ok, to feel like you want to becaue you know you need some support, not words just an hug to show you the feeling of love and understanding that comes with pain of life, from a song I like some words (maybe I should have save those leftover dream here that sunny day) you got a sunny day, miss t, so smile smile smile.rdoc

[MissCharlotte]

Hey guys, just woke up from a nap. I think I am also crashing from the anesthesia the other day.

Jello, that sounds kinda harsh. If T said that right now, when I need caring the most I think I would burst into tears.

I am of the opinion, at least at this moment, that Mouse is on target here. It is okay to miss T, it is okay to need caring for right now. I just need to be taken care of because I am fragile right now after the surgery, and it calls up feelings of neglect from when I was a kid and uncared for if I was sick.

[MissCharlotte]

Sunny,

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
There are times one can feel abandoned in couples therapy

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

YES!! I very much felt like that and that is why I won't do it again any time soon. Can't handle it right now till I make more progress with individual. Maybe me and H can go to someone neutral but not with my T now!

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It is okay to miss T, it is okay to need caring for right now.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I like how you put this. Your missing your T, period. You have other caring people around but your simply missing your T. Not judging, just feeling them--I like that approach.

Still hope you feel better soon though!