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#1
Jun 26, 2008, 01:09 PM
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is so unbearable...a situation with my daughter the wkend really triggered me...I was so far into the trigger that I begun to loose sense of what is real and what is not...when you are existing bodly in the now but emotionally you are in some horror movie...i was so sure that T was no longer emotionally there for me ....its like the worse moment in time being repeated over and over again...i begun to feel ill around my daughter as I percieved her being the problem...that if i could somehow control her...save her from the world, then I too will be safe....today i decided i had to get to the sea...i needed to get somewhere quick....the change in scenery helped me...the car ride down helped me think..the looking out at the beauty of the english countryside as i drove grounded me...all will be ok...evil isn't the only thing that exists....then i begun to turn back in on myself from being inside out....somethign t said on monday about how we can't limit our lifes because of what might happen...even though i wanted to scream at her, but why not? you have too? dont you see all the dangers? don't you realise whats happening? dont you see what i see? Yes thats it, dont you see what I see? almost like the famous psych tale "The electric sofa"? I think its called...where a t enters his clients psychosis with him...i can't control people to prevent me experiencing life...ive got to find that centre of peace within myself and learn to get there even in crisis....oh that place of fear is a lonely scary place to be....nothing is real..you dont understand where you are or who you are or how you got here...and everything noise, movement needs to be checked...like a deer caught in a cars headlights...that moment lasts for ever...i wish this was over....as i sat by the sea I felt a wave of deep saddness come over me...i felt as if my time here is nearly over and i never got to even live it...
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Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#2
Jun 26, 2008, 01:17 PM
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wow mouse ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))
i hear you, exactly the same happened this weekend with meand my daughter ..... i had to get out, i went to the countryside today with hubby and dog .... had to get out .... you're not alone .... my daughter is triggering me lately too .... much love and safe hugs to you, Kerry xoxoxoxoxoxo 
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#3
Jun 26, 2008, 02:53 PM
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I think my kids are triggering me a lot at this point, especially my oldest. When the fear and anxiety starts to emerge it is very hard not to react to it. Today my oldest was hanging on me, for what ever reason he was wanting and needing a lot of hugging while I was trying to play a game with his brother. I found myself feeling choked, claustrophobic, and pulled in multiple directions. However this time I caught myself in the process of getting agitated and was able to focus. I gave him some direct attention, several really strong hugs, a peck on the cheek, finished the game and then took a break in another room. I hope this was enough to meet his needs for a while.
I don't want to think about what things are going to be like when he actually reaches his teens. I'd like a nice trip to the beach right now.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#4
Jun 26, 2008, 02:57 PM
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jinny, yeah its tough, its not what she was doing to me it was what was being done or threatening to be done to her and in my maddness I even contemplated taking her out of this life to prevent her having to endure it...
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#5
Jun 26, 2008, 03:25 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Mouse said: its not what she was doing to me it was what was being done or threatening to be done to her and in my maddness I even contemplated taking her out of this life to prevent her having to endure it... </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Mouse.. in this situation was the threat to her real at the time? Or were you seeing her situation and it triggered memories of a similar situation in your life? At the moment things happen, I seem to have a lot of trouble seeing that my kids situation is a lot different than what I experienced. I tend to overreact and lash out because of my fear...then later realize the danger I sensed was not real or at least not as likely in their life. Just curious.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#6
Jun 26, 2008, 03:46 PM
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a gang of girls told her she was going to get jumped at sch and left in a pool of blood, i think thats real and also reminds me of stuff that happened to me...not sure if you'd class that as an overreaction and dont care much either..when its your kid its worse then when it was yourself
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#7
Jun 26, 2008, 04:13 PM
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NO WAY! Definitely not an overreaction especially in todays world.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#8
Jun 26, 2008, 04:22 PM
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WOW! That is really scary. Makes you question whether being scared and weary of others is not such a bad thing.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#9
Jun 26, 2008, 04:43 PM
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(((((((((((((((Mouse)))))))))))))))))
oh sweetie, sometimes cyber hugs just aren't enough ..... I'm so sorry this happened .... i know what you are saying that when it is your own kids it's worse ....... can you speak to anyone about this? love, Jinny xxxxx
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