Did you ever lay on the couch?

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kim_johnson wrote:
I worry that lying down would feel sexualized

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Kim, I'm not sure if this is the same thing, but I feel that lying down is an act of supreme trust, and I have almost a biological instinct not to put myself in positions like that where men could jump me and rape me. I have had men attack me and hold me down and not let me up and those memories and fear are somewhere deep inside and help guide me to unconsciously choose "safe" behaviors. I would have a hard time lying down and exposing myself like that to a man I was not already involved with in a romantic relationship, a deep and longterm friendship, or maybe someone with whom I desired romantic involvement. It would be especially scary if the man sat out of view and I couldn't watch his body and face for clues he was going to harm me. This is not really conscious on my part; it is an inner vigilance. I do trust T deeply and I know he wouldn't attack me, but hey, my unconscious is just trying to keep me safe, and it doesn't hurt anything to sit instead of lie down, so I heed my unconscious and avoid a conscious/unconscious dissonance. (I hate those!)

I'm between T's now, but with my last T, I thought about it, just wondering what it might be like, but I think I'd feel too akward.

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MissCharlotte said:
I do like the closeness I feel when I am sitting on the couch as opposed to the chair.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">MissCharlotte, do you regularly sit next to your therapist on the couch? I find that thought intriguing. My T has 2 couches (just regular couches) that face each other and a "therapy chair" of the swivel type that he sat in all the time when I first came to him. He would sit in this chair right opposite me with the other couch behind him. We were oh so close and I loved it. Later he transitioned to the couch behind him and never sits in the chair anymore. It took me a long time to get over the loss of his closeness, but now I am totally used to it. I have gotten up from my seat on the couch and gone over to his couch to sit next to him on a few occasions. It was always to show him something, which we could better do side by side. Then after I was done showing him, I would always leave his couch and return to my own. I would have felt weird staying there for the whole session, like I was invading his space! I was OK with making a temporary foray to his couch, but I was cognizant of being there and wanted to respect his physical boundaries, so I felt I should get up and go back to my place. So, MissCharlotte, I think it is really cool that you sit side by side with your T on the couch (if that is how you do it). I have told my T how my daughter sometimes lies on the couch at her therapist's and asked him if he ever has clients lie on the couch in his office, but that is the closest I have got to discussing this topic. He recently invited me to switch places with him on his couch, or sit anywhere I wanted in the office. My thoughts went immediately to his therapy chair, abandoned during our sessions. I think I wanted to go sit there! Because I wanted to model the behavior I would like from him, lol. But I just stayed where I was. I'm comfortable there. It feels safe, and safety is important to me in therapy. Sometimes when I come in the office to sit in my place, I know he has been sitting on my couch with the previous client sitting on what I consider to be "his couch." (He moves all over and lets the client choose.) I like sitting down on the couch where he just has been, in his imprint. It makes me feel closer to him. Ha ha. I always find therapy furniture discussions fascinating.

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just a seating preference in therapy

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Ha! No, he has two chairs across from each other and a couch in between, against the wall. So, when I sit on the couch, I am more at a right angle to him. When I come in he adjusts his chair to face me a bit. it's funny but I can tell how close I feel to him by what I am facing when I sit on the couch. There is a standing lamp and a picture on the wall. If I am centered in front of the picture all is well--I am feeling close. If I am centered in front of the lamp I have slid a bit further away from him.



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have gotten up from my seat on the couch and gone over to his couch to sit next to him on a few occasions.

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OMG I don't think I could handle this. There is the ET issue I deal with. Once when I was showing him a picture I painted, I walked over to his chair because he put his glasses on and goes, "Okay, what am I looking at?" LOL But I don't think I could sit NEXT to him...



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I wanted to model the behavior I would like from him,

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Actually I think this is a rather good idea!

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I like sitting down on the couch where he just has been, in his imprint

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Ha! Are we talking imprints or assprints? Now, Sunny, would that be a case of transference?

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sunrise said:
do you regularly sit next to your therapist on the couch?

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My T has sat on the same couch as me a few times doing trauma work, when we're looking at something together that I've brought in. And recently in our last session before our big break, when I broke down and cried, he sat next to me on the couch and held my hand.

I don't have any ET stuff going on, though - total parental transference.

I find therapy interesting when we sit in different places than we usually do - like in the session when we played Uno on the floor, when I returned to my usual seat, I felt really far away from him, so I shifted to the side of the couch closer to him - but then the session felt weird. I sit in the farthest corner of the couch from his chair at every session (except that one). Which strikes me as being really representative of the push/pull thing I have going on all the time in therapy - I want so badly to be connected with him, yet I stay as far away from him as I can when we're together. Huh.

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JimWriter said:
I don't lie down on the couch at my T's office. Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but i just find myself confortable sitting on her sofa with my leg crossed over the other. i don't know that i would want to lie on the sofa, or the couch, but I'm confortable with the way i am in her office.

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I'm with you there Jim.
Aside, I think I'd just get sleepy and fall asleep if I laid down.

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Izzyparker said:
Since you lay down like myself, do you keep your eyes open or closed? I always close my eyes except for one session when I was so angry.

I find that my t is closely observing my facial expressions and my sense of hearing is highly tuned in to everything she is doing.

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No. I never close my eyes. My T does the same thing and, much to my dismay, notices everything. I didn't know he could see because he sits kind of behind my shoulder.

I too hear everything he does - even the softest sounds.

I think I'll lay down on the couch next time just to mess with my T.
I like to mess with his head from time to time. He doesn't mind, really.