Today T said something (I cannot remember what it was, lol) and my response was, "Oh, so you are saying that I look fat?" Of course this was a total projection. He didn't say that at all. I have just been conscious of my weight lately because I am very small, but from taking Lithium for 9 months (I am off of it now) and eating total crap, I have gained some weight. To other people, it is probably not noticeable. But I can't button my favorite pants and that annoys me. So after I said that to T, this is what happened:

T says, "Stand up."
I say, "What the hell are you talking about? No way."
He says, "Get up."
"No," I say. "You get up."
"Okay," says T. "I'll get up, too."
"Noooo!" I reply. "No one is getting up."
"C'mon. just get up."
"Fine."
So I get up.
"Now turn around," says T.
I sigh.
Then I do a dramatic twirl-around, with my arms up in the air.
"You don't look fat," he says.
I sit down.
"You are ridiculous," I tell him.

He then explained to me the difference between looking or being a certain way, and then FEELING that way. He said that I shouldn't invalidate my feelings (as I always do) because regardless of what I look like, it is what I'm feeling about myself that is important.

I love my T. He told me that he loves to "play" with me. I love to play, too. Winnicott defined the creative experience in therapy as one where the therapist and patient are both playing, in a way in which it overlaps. I love to play in therapy. It is what makes our interaction so natural and authentic to me.

[MissCharlotte]

OMG I LOVE THIS!!

And I love your T. Of course, he's dead on .......accurate about feelings that count and seized the moment to help you understand that.

What an awesome relationship!

[Kiya]

*Big grin*

No words.... just a really big grin!!

[Christina86]

Your T needs to run a workshop about how to be a good T for other Ts! Absolutely priceless.

[Flowerb]

I don't really understand though - he told you how you think you look is not as important as how you feel -- but he had you get up so he could look at you? Maybe I read it wrong...

I do like how honestly you talk to your T about everything - I find weight is THE hardest subject to bring up in therapy. It is one of those things that I don't really want to point out just in the off chance he hasn't noticed the weight gain.

He was just trying to point out that he didn't see it-- but that I shouldn't invalidate the feelings because it is different and personal for everyone. I am small, but I still notice if I gain weight-- and it bothers me.

[chaotic13]

Have you ever done that awareness exercise where they have maybe 5 different pictures of people of various sizes and body types and you have to choose which one is most similar to your body? This is a very interesting activity. When I did it I pick the image that was like 3 sizes bigger that what I really was. It really points out how off we actually are in our own perception.

I've seen this activity done a different way where an instructor has you lay on a large piece of brown paper and a partner traces your body outline with chalk . Later the instructor put your body outline up with other pre-made outlines and you are asked to pick which one is your outline. Most people are not able to accurately pick their own outline.

I'm not sure I would have tolerated standing up and turning around while my T inspects my fatness. However, I think it was nice that he was trying to help you see that your perception was off.

Also your comment about your T saying that how you feel is more important than what you actually look like.. I agree with. Because if you put on your jeans and they were tight or you felt uncomfortable in them... no matter what he said or what the scale says... you are still feeling uncomfortable. What I dislike most about weight is when people say.. "OGM, Chaotic you're not fat, you don't need to lose weight, bah, bah.., bah" I appreciate the complement but...they need to stop there. If my jeans are tight and I don't feel comfortable...it doesn't matter if I am 200 lbs or 100 lbs... don't tell me I'm just being stupid and don't need to lose weight. Just tell me, "Well, I think you look great." and leave it at that.

I think it was also just an opportunity that T saw to be playful. He is normally very attuned to what my reactions will be and he never would have done something like that if he he knew I would get upset or offended... he was exactly right in his thinking that I would probably argue with him, and then end up laughing.

Chaotic, that is an interesting exercise about body perception. I tend to to be aware that how I perceive myself is most likely not what other see. Like you said, the jeans are my jeans. Whether your jeans are a size 1 or a size 12, if you move even 1 size up, it matters because it means your body changed.

[nothemama8]

pinky it's possible NOT to have gained weight, but the older we get the body shifts, your not fat your body just shifted

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nothemama8 said:
pinky it's possible NOT to have gained weight, but the older we get the body shifts, your not fat your body just shifted

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Well if that is the case, then it shift right out of my favorite pants and won't let me close them!!!

[Simcha]

<font color="blue"> Temporary weight gain around the belly...You'll lose it, I'm positive, and I say that because your focused on it and it's something that you absolutely can change. We almost always notice a 5-10 pound weight gain in ourselves, but hardly anyone else would notice depending on how the weight is distributed.

I went up two pant sizes once... ouch that really upset me, I can tell you that. I started eating junk and not exercising like I used to... well, I've lost five pounds and I am almost back to my old athletic self. It takes longer to take it off than to put it one, but keep in mind not all weight gain is fat. If you are a woman, there is also water gain issues, and in men and women, muscle weighs more.
It's an excellent feeling of accomplishment when you step on the scale every few days and see yourself molding back into shape.

Kickboxing is rather fun, if it's something you've ever thought of trying. You will lose weight quickly if you do kickboxing. I'm not in kickboxing right now simply because of the cost to attend (trying to save money right now), but it's really a fun challenge, and the group will motivate you.

But... do you think you've gained an unacceptable amount of weight, or are you just being hard on yourself? </font>

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Simcha said:

But... do you think you've gained an unacceptable amount of weight, or are you just being hard on yourself? </font>

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Nah, it's not unacceptable... but it's not okay either, lol. Just like you wrote, it is all in the belly and pretty much a combination of being on Lithium (I went off of it pretty recently), drinking lots of soda, putting sugar in my coffee, eating lots of junk, and not exercising. No one besides my husband noticed because no one else sees my belly, lol. The gym that I looked into over the weekend has a kickboxing class, as well as pilates, yoga & meditation, and lots of other cardio and toning classes. I am joining much less for the weight factor, and much more for the mental health benefits of exercising. If I do lose the 5 -10 lbs I put on, then that is a bonus.

[Simcha]

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pinksoil said:
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Simcha said:

But... do you think you've gained an unacceptable amount of weight, or are you just being hard on yourself? </font>

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Nah, it's not unacceptable... but it's not okay either, lol. Just like you wrote, it is all in the belly and pretty much a combination of being on Lithium (I went off of it pretty recently), drinking lots of soda, putting sugar in my coffee, eating lots of junk, and not exercising. No one besides my husband noticed because no one else sees my belly, lol. The gym that I looked into over the weekend has a kickboxing class, as well as pilates, yoga & meditation, and lots of other cardio and toning classes. I am joining much less for the weight factor, and much more for the mental health benefits of exercising. If I do lose the 5 -10 lbs I put on, then that is a bonus.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
That's totally understandable. I had a friend who was on Lithium once (later found out he was misdiagnosed and really had ADHD), and he gained around 15 pounds! !!!

I felt bad for my friend, especially since it also messed with his noggin. I absolutely feel way, way better mentally and my anxiety really lessens when I regularly exercise, even if it's not intense cardiovascular-wise. I enjoyed Pilates quite a bit, but it was hard for me to do the meditation (ADHD brain hard to settle down). I'd love to do Muy Thai Kickboxing again, but I have to wait until the asthma I have quiets down a bit before I jump into that again.

Do you have a bicycle? Bike riding can be really healthy too, especially to get to and from work if you don't live to far from work. Little things really help out, Pink. I'm happy you mentioned the soda/sugar connection to weight gain. Most people don't realize how much damage drinking soda can really do. Soda ads tons of fat-weight. I drink about 1 20oz bottle of soda a week, max. I also put VERY little sugar in my coffee, as both just really add on the calories. I want to work my way down to no sugar in the coffee. How long have you been into exercising?

[sunrise]

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Simcha said:
Little things really help out[/b]

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I try to tell myself this and make little changes. I think it all adds up. For example, to get more exercise, I park in the parking lot at work as far from where I need to go as possible, so I get extra walking in. And I always take the stairs instead of the elevator. Every little bit helps, and I have a long way to go.

[ECHOES]

Pink, your T is so fun!!!

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"No," I say. "You get up."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
"Okay," says T. "I'll get up, too."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I imagine him saying this without missing a beat!

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"You are ridiculous," I tell him.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Too cute! I love it!!

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pinksoil said:
I love to play in therapy. It is what makes our interaction so natural and authentic to me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes!!! This, totally.

T and I play. It DOES make it feel authentic. And for me, it takes away the power imbalance. We can bicker in a playful way, and it feels like we're just two people. Which is a relief sometimes, because most of the time, I feel like he has such power over me, and it feels good to have a break from that feeling.

[Simcha]

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sunrise said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Simcha said:
Little things really help out[/b]

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I try to tell myself this and make little changes. I think it all adds up. For example, to get more exercise, I park in the parking lot at work as far from where I need to go as possible, so I get extra walking in. And I always take the stairs instead of the elevator. Every little bit helps, and I have a long way to go.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
It definitely does Pink. The stairs at where I work really make the difference, and I always walk to work (only about a mile away). It keeps me at baseline even when I don't exercise properly or decide to eat junk too much. You don't have as far to go as you think, as long as you don't give up on yourself and remain consistent. Remember that it is always far easier putting the extra-fat cells on, than taking them off... use that as motivation for next time you eye that box of donuts!

I know I do... and I also hate the way that I feel mentally/emotionally when I don't exercise or eat right. My anxiety goes through the roof without proper release, and exercise provides that, in addition to being a confidence booster.
Your T does sound like he's a funny guy. I had a T right before my current T, and I swear, she was the ditziest, blank looking "deer in the headlights" T I have ever met. I didn't get anything out of it, but thankfully I found my current T, whose pretty dang funny.

[Mouse_]

I dunno, I get the feeling this would have played into my fears of looking fat? Perhaps if you'd both sat with what it would feel ike or mean if you did look fat? and whats wrong with looking fat? obese has health issues yes, but buying into this need to look slim? I dunno, but I get how good it made you feel, I do get that, I just dunno, I like people to help me deal with acceptence and to teach me I'm ok no matter what? Perahps I wrong here I dunno.

[Razzleberry]

I'm just mad that "not buttoning my favorite pants" is all you have to complain about. Geez. Try gaining 120 pounds in 4 years with nothing to blame but your own binging. Then tell me if you feel fat.

Ok...rant over...sorry

And no, pink, you do not look fat.

[janem]

I don't gain weight but I don't lose weight. I was 186 pounds until my doctor put me on thyroid. I lost 80 pounds. But now I find myself hungry not like before. I want to eat. I want to stay this weight. I was this weight for 25 years. Do all antipsychosismake you hungry.