Sooo...

I'm actually feeling quite guilty for posting in this forum becuase i had avoided it for quite a while. At that time, there were a lot of 'i love my t' type threads, and the green eyed monster in me cam eout full force because my relationship with my t could only be described as turbulent. I would feel so jealous hearing how other t's were being so helpful with sessions, emails, phone calls etc. My t would cancel 9 out of 10 appointments, actually returning a call was unheard of. I know it was wrong of me to react the way i did, and that I should have been happy that you guys had/have effective relationships with your T's, but I was kind of self absorbed and angry because i felt like all these doors were being slammed in my face. I felt like I was the patient from hell and undeserving of help, and I should never have taken that out on you guys. Although I never before voiced this, I still feel the need to apologise for it. So many people here have offered me huge amounts of support, and I feel like I have let people down by not returning the gesture.
I have come to my senses and terminated therapy, which I know was the right thing to do, but at the same time I am completely petirfied because now I am left to my own devices...no support, even though I wasn't really getting any anyway....grr.
This is the first time I have been back in this particualr forum for quite a long time, and although it seems the general mood has changed (which I'm sorry for btw, would rather everyone have ideal patient/T relationships) I still felt the need to explain myself.
I'm going to try really hard to be more supportive and less self absorbed.
Sorry about the rant.

You don't need to be apologizing for anything, I feel badly for you that you didn't have a good relationship with your T.

Hope you find a good T that doesn't cancel and is there for you!

Hugs to you ((((((((((( silentlyscreaming ))))))))))

I think to have success in therapy, you have to be kind of self-absorbed, at least temporarily. I hope you can find a T that is right for you and gives you the support you need at this time.

I've had more T's that didn't take or return phone calls, who cancelled on me (one who canclled every week for a month straight--and on the day of each appointment!).

I searched for the kind of therapist and therapy I really had wanted all along, when I was in therapy but not loving my T or therapy either.

So, keep looking, okay?

And welcome back!

Thanks so much for all the kind words, they really do mean a lot

I have temporarily paused the search for a therapist, I have some trust issues atm.
My first T palmed me off to a co-worker without an explanation, she didn't even tell me.
The second cancelled an appointment 2 months ago, claiming illness, which is fine. Every time I called over the next few weeks, i was told by her receptionist she was still away. i thought i was being paranoid, but I called using another name, and surprise, I got put stright thru. I called back as myself, only to be told she is still sick.
How professional is that????