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  #26  
Old Jul 30, 2008, 11:51 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pachyderm said:

It's from the past, all right. But nowadays especially when just I wake up it seems as though it is in the present.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

So the trick is to convince yourself that it is not occurring today.
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  #27  
Old Jul 30, 2008, 01:23 PM
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Seven221 Seven221 is offline
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IMHO, If I need to "train" the T, then they're not helping me, i'm helping them and that is to me a boundary violation/inappropriate role reversal. IMHO your energies may be better spent finding a more appropriate T for you.

That having been said, there may be very important reasons for staying with a T who isn't meeting all your needs. this isn't so much about "training" them but about communication with them to express your needs assertively and directly and giving them a chance to respond appropriately.

You will not control the T or the T situation or the T's life. That's so not your job as the client/consumer any more than it would be your job to change the chemical formula for Coke to better suit your tastebuds. Meaning no disrespect at all and sorry for any "tone" on the issue that may arise as a result of my emo state of writing.

My own T is challenging to me for a number of reasons and on a number of levels. I cannot "train" him in terms of what boundaries I need him to have to help me feel safe. What i CAN do is express the levels of discomfort to the best of my ability and insight and let it lie there. If I'm still not getting what i need, i am a consumer of a good/product and have every right to switch brands.
  #28  
Old Jul 30, 2008, 03:53 PM
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pachyderm pachyderm is offline
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> So the trick is to convince yourself that it is not occurring today.

I am coming now to the state where I am remembering the fear and not so much repeating the feared situation. Still not easy, but I notice the difference.
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Now if thou would'st
When all have given him o'er
From death to life
Thou might'st him yet recover
-- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631
  #29  
Old Jul 30, 2008, 03:57 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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My insight into your situation ends here then I guess because I just had fears from a general insecure environment that my parents created. I didn't have fear from some big, specific situations. But you can still talk about it and explain it.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #30  
Old Jul 30, 2008, 03:59 PM
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pachyderm pachyderm is offline
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> IMHO, If I need to "train" the T, then they're not helping me, i'm helping them and that is to me a boundary violation/inappropriate role
> reversal...

I notice that I am much more able now to control whether something is a boundary violation for me -- regardless of what the other person tries to do...

> That having been said, there may be very important reasons for staying with a T who isn't meeting all your needs.

It has been hard for me (still is) to decide how to handle the situation. I do learn in the process, largely on my own -- which can be an advantage. And finding another T -- not at all something I would look forward to. This guy is not a bad person, and I am not sure how much better I could find. My experience is that outstanding therapists do not grow on trees -- at least not on ones that grow anywhere I know.
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Now if thou would'st
When all have given him o'er
From death to life
Thou might'st him yet recover
-- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631
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