[internettie]

All I want to do is go into this second appointment with my new T and tell her how bad I am. I have too many diagnoses. I think I'm a liar. I've done bad things. Once she gets to know me she won't like me. I'm boring. Blah, blah, blah. I hate pushing people away before they can even get close.

I also want to go in today and set all the ground rules so I can know whether I'm doing things right or not.

Should be an interesting session. I think I'll bring my art stuff with me today to my session. I like my pencils more than the ones she has. Will that insult her? Why would I be willing to do that? Hmmmm...

Arrrggghhhh!

((((((((((((((((((((((( internettie ))))))))))))))))))))))))

My T always tells me to bring to therapy whatever I need to bring to therapy. Your new T can handle whatever you feel like you need to tell her.

[internettie]

Thanks, earthmama. I'm sure she'd be okay with me bringing my art stuff. I'm just being a worrier today. Now that I think of it, I did already ask her if I could bring stuff in and she said I could. lol Thanks for the encouragement.

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I also want to go in today and set all the ground rules so I can know whether I'm doing things right or not.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I can SOOOO relate to this statement. I remember posting her many times how much I wanted a policies and procedures manual for therapy. I could not stand the ambiguity of the therapy interaction. I still have a lot of trouble with this even a year later.

As for you comment about telling your T about how bad you are. I tend hide as much as possible. However, I do sometimes feel like she is my priest or something. Like I need to confess my sins. Not sure where this comes from.

I think it is interesting how many people post here that they bring things to therapy with them. This concept never occurred to me and my T never mentioned that it would be acceptable. I don't think she would care but I am sure she would notice and ask me what's up. I was quite content one session playing with my water bottle.

[internettie]

I'm glad you could relate. A policies and procedure manual would be awesome. lol Usually I have a contract with my therapist so I know most of the rules. As it was, I didn't go over any rules today. Maybe I'll email her about it tonight. I'd like to say that I just forgot, but more than likely I was avoiding.

Do you think you felt more relaxed playing with the water bottle (seriously)? If you did you may want to ask your T about bringing something in (maybe even leaving it there) so when you come in you'll have something to take away some of the stress. Just a thought.

I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. Thanks.

By the way, I didn't tell her how bad I am.

[complic8d]

I told my t I would maybe be more relaxed if my dog were there. She asked, "really?" very seriously. I wondered if she actually considered it??

[Sannah]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
internettie said:
All I want to do is go into this second appointment with my new T and tell her how bad I am. I have too many diagnoses. I think I'm a liar. I've done bad things. Once she gets to know me she won't like me. I'm boring. Blah, blah, blah. I hate pushing people away before they can even get close.

I also want to go in today and set all the ground rules so I can know whether I'm doing things right or not.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hi Internettie, do you think you might want to tell her how "bad" you are because the anticipation of it is hard (her not knowing these things and what her reaction will be if she finds out)?

About the ground rules, do you think that this would help you know how to behave? I remember trying to learn what was normal and what wasn't normal. Dysfunctional families aren't good at teaching this. The discomfort of the unknown is hard too until you heal and then it's okay.

[internettie]

complic8d: Is that your dog in your avatar? I'd feel more relaxed too with him/her around. What a beautiful dog! That would be cool if you could bring your dog in to therapy. Mine are too undisiplined for that, otherwise I'd ask if I could.

Sannah: Yes, I think I need her to know so that I can be assured that she'll stick with me. She requested my Relapse Prevention Plan and I sent it to her. The majority of my 'bad' behavior is on there. She has seen it and was still affirming and responsive.

I believe it would help me to know how to behave if I had rules. I also sent my T my previous contract that I had with my T, pdoc, and people close to me. I can be accountable if I have something to be accountable to. All there was in my family was craziness so who knew what the rules were - the were always changing.

I appreciate the responses.

[Sannah]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
internettie said:
I believe it would help me to know how to behave if I had rules. I can be accountable if I have something to be accountable to. All there was in my family was craziness so who knew what the rules were - the were always changing.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This makes sense then....