[little*rhino]

ok.. T and i have a fab relationship. We get along really well, seriously. We tell inappropriate jokes, etc. He says I am one of maybe two people he can say some things to, and he feels perfectly comfortable swearing in front of me. i like it this way. i am known for just saying what is on my mind, and things kind of fly out of my face before i can catch them anyways... so i have had to get used to just being this way. Otherwise i just end up feeling bad a lot.

so...

i just gave T copies of music CD's etc... i always bring him little things. Nice things, often cute or whatever.

This time i think i %#@&#! up. WHy oh why didn't this occur to me yesterday? Maybe i could have prevented the embarrassment disaster about to unfold.

the CD i just gave him has a comedy sketch on it.. a really popular one. It is incredibly funny... and for the most part i think he will just howl laughing... on the other hand, i just remembered there is partial female nudity in it. Oops. i am feeling awful now. Also, as if this wasn't bad enough, i'm worried his wife is going to watch it.. could this get worse?

i'm not certain now how he will take this. i really was thinking of how hilarious the whole thing is... and i think he really would find most of it really funny... and he had said he had heard of this sketch, it's incredibly popular... and although he has never watched family guy he says his friends tell him he should. So, i am thinking that he would find the sketch a riot. i just feel really bad bc of the nudity, and bc i didn't warn him. A warning would have been best... then he could have decided.

It also feels really wrong - like accidentally having a parent overhear you telling a really dirty joke. i just *know* someone is going to think i did this sub/unconsciously as a sexual thing, but no way... my feelings for T are far more parental than erotic, believe me.. i am mortified.

oh god... i don't know if he is going to find my embarrassment a little amusing, or if he is going to give me the "apropriate vs inappropriate" discussion. Trust me, he doesn't need to. This was so lacking in forethought on my part. Thing is... that is pretty descriptive of me overall.. i just never think ahead.

given what i have said about how he and i are together, and keep in mind that we have been especially close lately, do you all think he will be upset with me? Should i feel this sick with embarrassment about this?

[winterbaby]

Well I think our t's interpret everything we do, given them, or whatever as having some meaning. Even if we don't want them to. It was an honest mistake as you didn't really think about the content before you sent it. I'd just be honest with him and say oops, I just wanted to let you know I didn't give it much forethought before I sent that to you and hope you didn't find it offensive but I thought it was funny and so I thought I'd share it. Sorry if it was offensive in anyway. Then don't worry about it.

[little*rhino]

i left him a voicemail... told him i was mortified. i am worried more about him just sitting down with his wife and watching it. i think i still would have given him the skecth, but i wish i'd have warned him.

i'm fretting.. but i know he will find my angst more interesting (and possibly amusing) than what i actually gave him. i don't think he'd be offended by the show.. i think it just might be over the line of appropriate for me to give him... maybe. We do have a pretty "anything goes" relationship.

[(JD)]

Who? What? I know you put this in psychotherapy, did you mean relationship forum instead? Hopefully it will work out.

[winterbaby]

seriously I don't think a t would watch anything a client gave him with his wife. Confidentiality and all.

[cafegrrrl]

Poor thing!
I wouldn't worry about it. Especially since you called to give him a heads up. Based on what u said, sounds like he'll find your reaction more amusing than anything.

And, if you're worried about the "appropriate vs. inappropriate" chat, just print out your post and tell him you get it...that way you don't need to worry about that lecture...

[little*rhino]

he actually would watch it with her i think... he has a degree of trust in me too, which is one reason why i feel anxious about it. Maybe he wouldn't.. i dont know. i'm not trying to over-inflate my belief in his trust in me, but i do know he trusts me quite a bit... enough to expect that i would either not give him something risque or to warn him. Crap. i have given him stuff for her actually and i don't think he screens it before he gives it to her. i don't have any venom in me... hell yeah, i will bite back, but not first. i bake him cookies for god's sake... which his wife often steals

i suppose he knows that though.. that i adore him, and i have a tremendous amount of respect for him and even more for her and boundaries and all. i have gotten things wrong, but never deliberately pushed a boundary. Yeah.. he knows this. i just hate even thinking he'd be shocked. Crap.

maybe this is one of those things... a trust issue for me... maybe. i mean, the worst wuold be that "talk" and after my message i dont think he'd even do that... he'd just tell me that i was right and it was inappropriate. But that would cause me so much pain... i'd be so upset. i AM upset. But, i now wonder just why... and i think maybe it comes back to attachment/trust/abandonment. Would he really think badly of me for this? No.. he wouldn't... he likes me and he cares about me. He has bent over backwards for me, many, many times... especially recently. He always looks so happy to see me.. spends extra time with me... he and i laugh a lot.

maybe this is generalized anxiety... we started past work and i am feeling pretty bad.

idk.. crap crap CRAP.. i suck.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Candika said:
do you all think he will be upset with me? Should i feel this sick with embarrassment about this?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">No, I don't think he'll be upset, unless the extent of the sketch if quite a bit more than you have described. Your relationship sounds relaxed and easygoing and that you often share jokes and have a similar sense of humor. I think he will take this in stride. If he says anything about it, maybe it would be, hey, warn me next time when there's nudity! And then laugh. That's my prediction. It's gonna be OK!

Candoo,
Are you talking about a skit from Family Guy that has nudity in it? Remember, they are cartoon characters, lol. Pretty much any skit you chose from that show should be a hit with your T and his wife! When do you see him again?

I know this must leave you feeling a little bare, but I suspect you were just trying to keep him abreast on the latest Family Guy skits in case he was falling behind. It is one of your duties as a client to keep your T up-to-date. You wouldn't want to leave him feeling exposed, so no worries, lol

I think the who and the what have been fully explained, so I guess that leaves the where. So, should this go in the relationship forum? I guess it could fall under that due to the therapeutic "relationship". But, we usually post things in this forum about anything that happens with our T, even things of this sort. I hope we aren't stripped of our rights to keep doing so.

It definitely fits here, in the psychotherapy forum. I think your T may need a session of psychotherapy from you after this, lol. In any case, I'm sure you will discuss this at your next psychotherapy session? Make sure you deal with it right away, nip it in the bud so to speak.

Until you see your T, though, you'd better pray that he doesn't get angry and abandon you. There are so many forums that would be appropriate for this post, Candoo. I can always count on your flexibility!

Let us know how it goes.

[little*rhino]

sunrise, you always have such good, comforting things to say. You're right.. it is extremely relaxed. He said recently that we have an excellent rapport (sp?). Sometimes he makes fun of me, totally joking of course and he is quick to add that too. He knows i worry because i can't help it, but he knows i love the banter we have. i won't repeat a few things he has said, not everyone has his or my sense of humour. Whatever he thought, i think he is going to be amused at my degree of angst.

soli.. oh my.. you are a rare one! Or should i say bare one? i wish i had your gift for the punny. No, it wasn't family guy. It was the Rick James episode of the chapelle show. It's a cult classic.. and it has some offensive language etc, but i am not at all worried about that. It's not so much that i think he'd be overwhelmed with prudishness at the sight of flesh, it's more that i wish i'd warned him... it really is like finding out your mom found your porn mag... or some other thing like that.

he wants me to bare my soul... the naked truth...

i see him tuesday... if i can show my face.

SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMUCHLOVE
xxxooo

OK, even though male T's have NEVER seen female nudity before, I really think this will be okay (he may be surprised since he has never seen anything like this before); however, I don't think you have anything to be mortified about.

It's sort of like T giving me the Winnicott book-- there's parts in that book about masturbation-- and me giving T a piece of my artwork which had a big 'ol phallic symbol in it.

I think he'll be laid back out it, he will probably laugh, and laugh even harder when he listens to your voicemail and finds out that you were mortified (I'm not saying he'll laugh AT you, but just at the situation). It's all kinda funny when you think about it.

Like the time he said cat %#@&#!. LOL.

Really, don't worry-- last week I brought T a Playboy magazine and he didn't think anything of it (just kidding, just kidding).

XOXO

[little*rhino]

you're right.. he has never seen nudity before... nope. They sleep with one foot on the floor, right?

true.. he will laugh at me, no really. But you know me.. i will fret and fret and fret. *sigh

and you psychoanalytic people are really into sex anyway - right? (hahaha)

[In_The_Darkness]

I would be worried as well.

However, you should think about the fact that he knows it is in a comedy sketch kind of sense, and so will his wife. After all, it is just a comedy sketch, right?

Just think into the facts more deeply,a dn I am sure that you will find a way to make yourself feel more comfortable about this, and be able to stop worrying.

Hop it all works out well

[MissCharlotte]

Hey Candika,

I'm glad you left him a message about your afterthoughts, and hope it relieved some anxiety.

If this were me, no way would my T ever believe it was "by accident." He would be analyzing it TO DEATH......

I agree with the others. I don't think a T would watch a video with his wife. I don't know why I don't think that, but it just seems that they wouldn't.

Hang in there.

[Pseudonym]

Soli makes me double up with laughter.

[Kiya]

this has been quite the interesting thread to read - liked everyone's comments... well, pseudo and i will have to talk, but otherwise, very funny all.

[little*rhino]

i saw him today... he couldn't get the file to play. So he hasn't even seen it and all that worry for nothing. He did say that he is still planning on watching it and wasn't at all put off by the nudity... he had this enormous grin when he said that.