I have not seen him for 19 days... and I will finally see him tomorrow at 1pm. I need him so much. He has been amazing during the time I was in NY-- allowing me to call as much as I want-- listening to me cry, talk about memories I have with my Dad, expressing every thought and emotion that I have.

I even took him on a "nature walk" with me while I was on the phone with him. A "nature walk" was something that my Dad and I did when I was little. We would walk through the trees and bushes in the backyard (it wasn't like a forest or anything, lol, it just seemed really big because I was small) and my Dad and I would just walk and he would point out different things... so I did this same walk while I was on the phone with T and told him all about it. I felt close to T and my Dad at the same time.

I have both pdoc and T tomorrow--double dose. But I can't wait to see T. I really, really need him.

I can't believe how life can change in a matter of one second. On Sunday night I had a Dad, I was completely focused on doctoral school, and was getting things with my job in order (as far as lowering my caseload of patients and making sure I was caught up with notes.)

On Monday morning and the days following, I have lost my father, my hero, and my best friend. I have missed a week of doctoral school so far, and am completely behind on all the work. I have missed an entire week of work so far, and I have no idea when I will be ready to go back and be a therapist again, who can be completely present for my patients.

The life that I once had is now different. Everything has been thrown off. I will never be the same person because I have lost the person to whom I was closet; the person to whom I was most attached. I don't know what will happen to me.

I just want my Dad back.

[pegasus]

Gentle hugs ((((((((((( pinksoil ))))))))))))

I am glad you have T, he has been a real rock for you.

Try not to rush going back to work etc, you have only had a week off, everyone will understand. Grieving takes time.

Thinking of you.

((((((((((((((( pink )))))))))))))))))

Just take each day as it comes. Things will start to fall back into place when they are supposed to.

I'm so glad you see T today.

Thinking of you, and sending tons of love and

[ECHOES]

((( pink )))

It's so good that T was able to be with you during this time, and now you get to see him and be there with him today. I hope today will bring you more comfort. It is so hard.

Time will help but that seems unimaginable at this point. Just keep taking gentle care of you.

[MissCharlotte]

((pinksoil))

Hi Pink,

I am so glad you are seeing T tomorrow and that he has been there for you. Your nature walk story is beautiful.

You know, you are right--your world has changed. But you are still Pink, a more complex version, but still Pink. Okay, now you have to catch up on your reading. I know, we will all read and summarize a chapter for you. Okay?

Sigh. Take good care of yourself, and let us know how you are. Just do whatever it is that you feel you can manage and don't do too much.

:Heart::Heart::Heart::Heart::Heart:

[Razzleberry]

Sorry to hear about your father, that must be hard since you were so close.

Glad to hear you have an amazing therapist who can help you get through all of this.

Take as much time as you need from school / work - it can wait. Your own sanity is more important. I learned that the hard way when I went back to work too soon after a hospitalization.

[splitimage]

(((Pinksoil))))

I'm glad that your T was able to support you through this difficult time and that you'll be seeing him soon. Grieving is hard and everyone processes grief differently and in their own time. Give yourself time and permission to grieve. this always sounds trite but it really does work, just take it one day at a time and eventually everything will fall into place.

And remember your father is still with you in your thoughts and memories of him.

--splitimage

[skeksi]

This is a hard time and I'm glad your T has been there for you. I found after my dad's death that I needed to talk about him a lot. Find people in your life, including your T, who can listen to you and respect what you need to talk about. I think that's how we get through these rough times--it's constant, active processing, remembering and figuring out what we had and how the loss has changed us and our future.

I hope your session today leaves you feeling connected and cared about.

[tulips30]

Pink,

Your post was beautiful and very touching. I am glad you had your t. to lean on thru your grief. I can only say that I have added you to my prayers. You are going thru a very traumatic time. As everyone else has said......be extra gentle with yourself.

tulips

[sunrise]

(((((pinksoil)))))

I am glad you have your T during this time of loss and grief. I was touched by your description of the nature walks you used to take with your Dad. What fine memories.

[bipolar_bear]

I am so glad that your T was there for you through this hard time. It is great that you could share the type of memorable experience you had with your dad in your nature walk. What a great way to start to heal. Please take your time processing everything. You have such a great support person in your T and I am so glad you will be seeing him in person again.

BB