For the rest of my life

I had a truly connected session today. I haven't seen T in a week and since I usually go twice it felt like a long time to me since I last saw him. I was feeling kind of down and T was really, really with me as I told him about the surgery I had last week. I have stitches on my face above my lip and I had a panic yesterday--I was so worried that I didn't look like myself. T was so right there and empathic. He told me I looked like me. He said, "Well, I can understand how you must feel, but when I look at you, you look just like Miss Charlotte!"

I also shared my feelings that came up at two recent funerals I attended.

The past two weeks have been very chaotic for me but I managed to stay grounded and in-session felt completely held and supported. There is nothing like the feeling of being held and cared for. When it came time for me to leave T said that beginning next week we would have both sessions at the same time each week. And I replied, "For the rest of my life?" and he said, "Yes."

Sigh. I guess I'm in long term therapy.

Good to hear that you had a good session but I would have thought you'd want to eventually be free of therapy & just happy to be yourself.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Miss C ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It feels so good to feel connected....and even better to hear T say that he will be there for as long as we need him. Sigh. I'm glad you felt held, and cared for.

Sorry to hear about your surgery. Are you okay??



You are doing such good work. xoxoxo

Hi ujazz,

Welcome to PC!

Ummm, I love therapy and I love having an intimate relationship with someone who knows me in a way that no-one ever has. It took me a long time to get to this place. I have a lot of baggage from my childhood and I suffer from complex ptsd and major depression, so I think of my therapy as the support that helps me to live my true life. Frankly, I don't imagine ever leaving--at least not until T and I are both old and retired. I have a lot of healing to do -- a life time of of it.

Now, since you are new here, you don't know about my therapy ruptures or how many times I've already quit or thought about quitting!


Oh, and I am happy to be myself, for the first time in my life!

((earthmama))

Yeah, as long as we need them. I'm melting.

I am okay. Thanks for asking. I had a small basal cell skin cancer removed from my face and it was traumatic. It was more difficult than I anticipated and I bruised a lot and have quite a few stitches. The upside is that for a couple of days I had an upper lip like Angelina Jolie. LOLOL

Now, if only T looked like Brad Pitt I'd be in really fine shape.

(((((MissC))))),
I'm so glad that the surgery went well! And your T said forever? Some people, including Ts, just don't understand the paradoxical effect of saying that. One thing that will set people like us off into a stress induced horrifying fit (SIHF) is when a T even suggests that he might be leaving or that there might be even a slightest of chance of it. I'm glad that he was able to comfort and reassure you! You deserve only the best

I'm so jealous of this exchange! How wonderful to hear that from him. I'm glad your surgery turned out ok.

You are so in the middle of the therapy, your therapist has become every thing that you need!! Its so great to be in this place, almost feels like love. Its the best part of therapy. Bask in it as long as you wish and fill every cell of you with the caring and sharing you missed out on........

I am a lifer, too, lol... My T does long term therapy and doesn't really see the need for termination. He believes there is always room for self-exploration. Then again with my problems, I do not think we will get to the luxury of voluntary self-exploration anytime soon, haha. Anyway, attachment can be a very healthy thing.

Miss, I'm so happy you are feeling this connection, and I am even happier that you don't have to send him a check, in advance, for quitting the next session... jaaaaaaaaaaa.

MC glad you're doing OK!

I don't think my T views attachment as a healthy thing. I do have set therapy hours, he gave them to me about four months after I started seeing him twice a week. He follows a psychoanalytic orientation. We go through this periods where I trust him and I try really hard to talk about my feelings, just talk in general. Then he, not me, pulls away and he reminds me that his job is to make his job obselete. It's like he is adverse to me becoming too dependent or attached to him. Which makes me very confused, given what I have read about the therapeutic allience and what I read on here. Also, it is hard for me to make sense of why he does it, because I have complex ptsd and I already have a paroblem with feelings, talking to T, trusting T, opening up, etc...I haven't asked him but I guess he doesn't do long term therapy if he is constantly reminding me how ours is a disposable relationship. I'm not sure how this helps me overcome my fear of relationships, of trusting, of intimacy, my multiple fears.....

Pink,

We are lifers, aren't we? But what about when I want T on Death Row?

JAAAAAAAA

Meeka, thank you. Yes, I will fill every cell. sigh. It just finally feels good.

Coconut,

I'm sorry you seem to be getting mixed messages from T. It DOES sound confusing. Can you explore this with him?

My T just kept encouraging me to get what I need from the relationship. However, he did do something a couple of times that felt like he was pulling away. It was during a rupture and I was very needy and fragile and he said that he was concerned that my therapy was not enlivening. I panicked, but afterward was able to tell him how angry that made me. I wonder if it was some kind of intervention? Maybe that's what your T is doing?

Just a thought.

My T has never said something that is to me. When ever we have talked about me questioning the need to continue, the discussion always ends with what I want and if I feel like there are still benefits to be gained. I would have a lot of trouble engaging if she was always reminding me that our interaction will eventually end. If anything, she reminds me in low key ways that it will continue until I don't need it anymore.

I don't know what my T thinks about attachment, if it is healthy or not. I think she encourages independence.

At this point... I don't think I'm in it for life, but I'm not ready to quit just yet.

My pdoc said I need therapy for a long time so does my counsellor does not mean im crazy just need extra support. You are not crazy you need extra support and that is ok there is no time limit on therapy. It is like someone having diabetes they need to have insulin and it maybe for life. Emotional issues are real as pyschical If you need therapy please go for it even if it is for the rest of your life. You are trying to live the best you can and it is ok to seek help.