Way too many questions

I had the strangest ever session with T few days ago and can't stop thinking about it despite that I’m tired of thinking.

We were trying to talk about some severe SI that i did the week before and I suddenly told her I feel like 3 persons living in one head: the smart-*** *****, who takes care of everything and does all the things that need to get done; the stupid kid, who just hides under a table in the farthermost corner and does all the stupid things like SI and things related to SU; and there also is a dead body somewhere in the other corner. This feeling is new to me and I still don't know if I like or not, and here I am, telling this to T. The openness scared me a lot. Still not sure if I did the right thing, but well, that can't be changed now. T's reaction was something I could have never expected. She could go with the "and how do u feel about it" and similar blah blah stuff or say that this is a total nonsense (I would prefer this response actually). Instead she immediately started to talk to me like I really was 3 persons. Why?? I don't get it... She said she would like to know all the 3 characters, not only the b... and asked a few questions, for instance "remember you did X, can u tell which one of the 3 was acting?" Blah... Why why why why why??? I NEED to know the reason for every of the questions she asked, and I need the answers NOW. And yeah, T loved the idea, that the b... can stop the kid from doing harmful things and made the b... promise she will make sure I stay safe till next appt. Why? (it’s obvious why she required the promise, ha ha, but if she was like "ok, you're 3 characters in one head", she could have asked the stupid kid to stop doing stupid things till next appt). I don't know. I don't understand anything right now and I desperately NEED to understand at least something or I will go insane.
Why did i tell her this before i started to understand at least a little part of it?
Why did T believe me?
Why did she just accept it?
Why did she (kind of) give me green light to keep thinking about myself as a company of 3?
Why did she repeat it is very important that i told her this over and over again?
Why did she schedule next appt on Monday? (i saw her on Thursday)
Why did she make the b... promise she will take care of things till next appt?
Why did she ask so many questions?
Why can't i stop thinking about all this nonsense and just go to the cinema to watch new James Bond movie.

Ha ha, even my nick contains the number 3, and this is a very old nick, I’ve been using it for 4 years now... Damn.

I'm a mess, sorry...

...................

You are not alone. I have had a recent experience inside myself- like I have a small child and adolescent and an adult all living within me quarreling, fighting to be heard. I did talk about it w/T. She simply stated that "they all deserve to be heard". To me it seems they are the fragmented pieces of my self possibly, or maybe the parts of myself that had to disconnect from one another in order for me to survive. Needless to say these parts of my Self often feel very separate and it is scary. Scary to talk about and acknowledge. Hang in there 3velniai.

Searching

Please remember this is just my opinion based on the information given:
Possibly you told her this information before you started to understand it because you needed help understanding it.
Why not believe you? If you are to trust her, she needs to believe you and believe in you.
Instead of asking why did she just accept it, why don't you? All of us have different aspects to who we are. I can be the biggest B in the world if the situation calls for it, but I am also loving and caring and kind and intelligent. It's like that for humans--we aren't just one dimensional.
She gave you the green light to continue thinking like that so you can explore the different feelings and thoughts that come with each and what provokes them and where do they come from.
It is important you told her this for a couple reasons: 1.) you showed confidence and trust. 2.) This is information she needs to know if she is to help guide on your journey.
I would say the appointment Monday may be because she is concerned and wants to make sure you stay safe. Or it could be because that's what her schedule had open!
In making the B promise to keep you safe, she's making you take responsibility for your safety, letting you know that she believes you can be strong, that the B part of you can be stronger than the kid that hurts you.
Asking questions is how we learn things. She can't read her mind anymore than you can read hers. Ask her these questions on Monday. If you don't, she won't know what you're thinking. She also probably asked specific questions to help guide her in her treatment plan.
I have no answer to the last question about stopping thinking about all this except you haven't found the pause button yet! The ability to turn our minds of things that worry us is very hard!
Sorry if you really didn't opinions on your questions but I thought it might give you some insight or perspective. I hope you are able to relax and whatever part of you has to do it, I hope you stay safe and see that you are valuable and important!

This kind of stuff happens to me all of the time
I don't know why, I think I'm slowly going crazy myself...
I think I let my former T read this in my journal once
Her response was something along the lines of
"Everybody has those" opposite of your T's response
I developed a good relationship with them
But then I couldn't control the things my own voice said...
And started acting mean to them and stuff
So now it's all screwed up...
Including myself it used to be three
Then three became four...
And then four became five...
And then suddenly five became two...

3velniai, I have something kind of similar, and my T calls them ego states. I have a few versions of me at younger ages, including a teen. I also have a young adult male, who came to my attention after the others. We shared consciousness for a few days, and he told me he was my protector. I was scared to tell my T about this, because I thought it was so aberrant, but he told me it was very normal and everyone has ego states and it is common to have ones of the opposite sex. Mine don't speak directly to T, though. But sometimes when they are around during therapy, T can use me as a go between, and ask me to ask them or tell them stuff, and then I relay their answers to him.

I think your T asked some good questions that will let her learn more about your situation and your parts.

To learn more, try googling "ego state therapy."

The dead body sounds scary.

My internal dynamics are very similar. It's where my most traumatic experiences were - at 5, adolescence, and during my first breakdown. The feelings at these times were walled off to protect myself. Now I'm opening them up.
My protective persecutor developed to protect me from experiencing the degree of helplessness and powerlessness of the abuse etc.

Perhaps the body is that utterly depressed, desolate and despairing part of you.

3velniai.....I've repeatedly have a similar reactions when I encounter these... fragments of my inner world. My T has also accepted, without much shock, when I occasionally mention them. LUCKILY, my T has not tried to directly talk to one of them like it was a real person....This would have sent me totally over the deep end. I remember having a discussion with my T a long time ago about feeling like I had different people arguing in my head. Since then we have not really directly talked about them that much. However I have mentioned them in my writings to her a few times, so I am sure my T was aware they were still alive inside my head. Just last session I drew a picture of my therapy room and included 6 ghostly figures scattered throughout the room. As you can imagine, when I shared this picture...we revisited the ego state topic directly. LOL

I would imagine that your T likely hears people describe feelings like this a lot. I would not assume that her attempt to talk with one directly is evidence that she thinks you are a split personality case. I would however tell her if her attempting to "talk" with one of these ego states bothers you. For me, my T needs to stick to talking with the "executive" me or who ever the one is that goes to therapy.

As for your T scheduling you for an earlier appointment... she may have just anticipated your reaction to her treatment approach and wanted to follow up with you, just in case you started to attack these inner worlds and drive them back into the subconscious.

Wow, so many responses, thanks everyone. I read all of them several times, this gave me a lot of new topics to think about (in this case it's normal thinking, not panicky kind of stuff ) and it also kind of got me through the weekend without breaking the promise.
I realized one thing that i guess is important: the "kid" is the one who likes going to therapy and trusts T, and wants to talk to her, but "executive" part won't let that happen. When T starts to ask questions about deeper stuff, i always end up in an inner dialog, for instance: "shut up" "but i want to tell" "shut up, u don't understand anything" "but it's ok because blah blah blah" "shut up or i kick u in the head" and so on. I remembered i have said about feeling like I am two different people to T before (and more than once actually), this was the first time i identified them, so i guess addressing the parts separately was logical thing to do. The only problem is T left the wrong part of me in charge for the weekend. I guess i should tell this to T tomorrow, but i just don't know how. I'm not good at talking.

I'm so glad the weekend is nearly over, i'm really tired of myself and inside my head.

Print this out and take it to her. It can be a good ice breaker if needed to open dialogue. Good job on not breaking your promise!!!

Hi csc I really enjoyed reading your response. I hope 3velniai found it as appropriate as I did. The confidence and briskness of your tone really impressed me
meeka

(((((((((((((((((((3velniai))))))))))))))))))) Good luck at your appointment today....I hope T is able to answer some of your questions for you...

Cantstopcrying, I feel like you challenged my way of looking at the situation and I just love it. It was both fun and helpful. Your post made me stop, take a step back and take a second look at myself and the situation.

The appt went well, T answered all questions I gave her (decided to skip some of them because they look really silly now, lol), but despite that I feel low, because I feel like I talked a lot, but missed the main point. Oh well, I guess I can correct that next week.

Whew!!! Glad I was able help and not upset you! It's ok that you talked a lot...it gives t things to process this week

Good for you for asking your questions today, 3velniai