[Mouse_]

Didn't want to hijact ((MissC)) thread, but reading the mention of object consistency is where I am at the moment. I thought I'd managed to make some forward movement with this, but for a while now its as if T just falls through my radar reading when I'm not with her. Yes I must have some sense of her because i do think about her, but its not in a way that is helpful...but when she offered me 3x yesterday I for a short while felt that the ongoing situation I am going thorugh at the moment had become managable because I was no longer alone with it...These feelings of being alone is a feeling I have carried with me for ever...trying to parent my teenagers is difficult because my stuff is all getting mixed up with their stuff and my memorys are flooding back and I am no longer sure of what is real and what isn't...for sure the awful feelings are real...too real!!!....but no sooner did I experience the relief of the aloneness then it was back....hopefully the actual experience of seeing T 3x a week will do what it is intended to do..give that internal feeling of safety...I hate that experience of not being able to feel the safety of someone...that feeling that theres only you in the world and everybody else can't see you....if anything was to happen there'd be no way of getting help.....there'd be no experience of someone else being there for you...I guess this must be a clue to what has already happened in the past, because unless someone has experienced something already they would not know how it feels...I get the feeling that its me that is constantly ridding myself of holding onto T internally..but why...trust? incase I dare to trust and get let down? the not having anything there to begin with safes me from having it and then loosing it? Oh adoption issue clues again...sigh

[MissCharlotte]

((Mouse))

incase I dare to trust and get let down?

I know in my case I am trying like hell not to avoid the pain.

that feeling that theres only you in the world and everybody else can't see you..

Yeah, the isolation. We put ourselves back into the isolation because that is what's familiar. It is an awful place to be.

I hope your 3x weekly helps you to internalize T once again so you can get about your business of parenting your teens.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((mouse)))))))))))))

[Sannah]

Mouse, with the NPD I have sensed that those with it have no schema for anyone else, so therefore there is nothing there to hold that person in? I assumed that this was due to lack of empathy that was due to fear?

I could call my mom today and tell her that I don't like cooked carrots and she will say "really, I didn't know that" (Actually I have since found out that I just don't like her cooked carrots!) (My husband and I used to have fun with this. We would bring it up frequently and wait for her reply and then smile at each other) Anyway, she only does this with me. She can remember a lot about other people. I think that I cause her anxiety because I'm able to get close to her and this scares the .... out of her and makes her distance me?????

[Mouse_]

Sannah I know you mean well and have had difficulities wiht your mother growing up, but I am not her, I have quite openly admitted to my Narcissim....but I am getting a bit tired of having brought up every time I am trying to express my feelings about something..yes its proberbly discribes quite well why a lot of people have trouble with object consistency, but labels in themselves are quite useless and say nothing ....I am on the narcissim radar but not right out there on it...its not all of me...its not the answer to all my problems...having my feelings heard will do a lot more for me then having the label NPD brought up and up...sorry ...

[Sannah]

No problem Mouse, I am sorry.........