age of therapist/is your therapist younger than you?

I've always wanted to ask my T when her birthday is, but it feels kind of intrusive. Truth is, I found out what it was via Facebook, and now I feel too weird about bringing it up. I've seen other people talking about celebrating their T's birthdays (like with a small gift). I think it would be nice to do that, but I don't really see my T being open to it. She doesn't remember or acknowledge my birthday even when I tell her about it. Not that I would expect her to, but sometimes it seems like it would be nice.

both of my t's are just a tad older than me.....it works well for me...im not sure if i could work well with a t way younger or way older than me...they would be retirement age if they were too much older than me.

My therapist is around 30 (she never volunteered her age and I have not asked it... not wanting to overstep the boundary) and I am 62. If I hadn't been in such dire straights when I started with her (she is part of a group practice and I had picked the director of the group who had much expertise in my two areas of need but she had no time) I would have taken a pass and requested someone older. It has at times been very difficult. She seems to have little real life experience although she is married (and I have no clue as to how long or even if she has children although I can tell by some of her responses that she is probably childless) and has a clinical PsyD degree so I know that she has extensive clinical experience and I do consider her an excellent clinician for her age. She is too rigid: by the book. I realize that in ten years she will be outstanding and she will have moderated her by the book attitude patient by patient. But for right now it is sometimes difficult for me to even know if she "gets it". I know that sometimes she does not. It goes right over her head. I made an analogy about a famous wife of a former Pacific rim president and she had no clue what I was talking about. What was worse was that she didn't care enough to even google it. I view a lack of curiosity in a therapist as a flaw. Since that time I have come to the conclusion that this strict business attitude may be a barrier. I have tried to shock her back into reality but it doesn't seem to make a difference. She seems oblivious. I guess that is why they call it a "practice".
Don't misunderstand. She is caring, warm and considerate and very bright but from the beginning I guess when I spoke about my spouse's infidelity and she tried to get me to acknowledge that because I had changed some of my behaviors as a result of the infidelity that the infidelity was the best thing that had happened to our marriage ( both my spouse and I still feel- thirty years later that it was the worst thing that had ever happened and wished that it never happened) I realized that her lack of life experience (pain of living) could be a serious detriment to my therapy. It is not that there is a lack of empathy. When you fail to fundamentally understand the carnage that an affair has on a marriage and the psychic damage that it causes long term (trust, betrayal, abandonment, self esteem) and just apply the "text book solutions" (or perhaps it was a "trick response" trying to probe further to see if it was all better) you are not treating that particular patient but the caricature of a patient. It is like trying to coach baseball never having played the game.

My advice to anyone who is looking for a clinician is be very careful about both gender and age. How you identify with the clinician makes all the difference. There is some material that is best shared with someone whom you feel you have shared life experiences or at least has lived in the real world for a period of time. It may be unfair to the young clinician because the only way a clinician gets experience is through "practice" but you have to remember that it is your therapy-- not the clinician's.

Thanks Khawk2. I always try to trust my judgement on these things.

Mine is likely old enough to be my mother which is what I actually need. Someone who's seen enough that she won't blink at anything I throw at her and is gentle and maternal

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Both of mine are old enough to be my mother (though both are a decade younger than my actual mother). Not by choice, that's just who I was referred to.

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Same age I would guess - late 50s. No accident of course.

We're both mid-30s. She's a couple of years younger. Transference City.

Longterm T is in his 70's, me in my early 40's

CBT T is either late 50's to early 60's

I like having a T older than I am. Real world experience is important to me in addition to a solid formal education.

I'm in my 30s and t is in her 40s (I'm guessing). Despite not being old enough to be my mother, she is very maternal.

T is about 3 years older than me.
Pdoc is about 6 years older than me.

When I first met my T, I was worried. I didn't like it that she was so close to my age. She's a very good T, but I feel a lot of envy. There's such a huge difference between us. She has finished school, she has a good job, she's beautiful, she's smart, she talks easy, she has a boyfriend and since 1.5 years she has a daughter. I don't have any of those things. I'm nothing. And I think it getting more and more to me.
Sometimes I think that maybe I shouldn't have gone back to her, but that I should have looked for a T over 40.

I would never want a T who's younger than me.

What became of pinksoil, I wonder.

And Hangingon! I miss her.

I need a T that is older. My current T is about 7-8 years older than me, and so far it has worked out great.

My T is 55. I am 41. When I was looking for a T, I knew I wanted a woman, older than me, and a convenient drive.

My individual therapist is either in her late 20's or early 30s. She doesn't tell me her age, and I guess her age doesn't really matter in my therapy. I think it works. I'm 20, so it feels like I can consider her a friend and not like a mom or a grandma.

Then my IOP therapist is around late 20s, definitely. So, she's also older than me and I honestly don't really notice because she seems to act so much older than she actually is.

I'm 22 and it's technically possible for my t to be the same age, but very very rare. However, I've only seen older ts before. My fist was 59 and the other was 66. I felt comfortable with both and like I could relate to them.

I would never see one who was younger. I asked at the phone interview I held with them by telling them I would not hire one who was younger and gave my age and asked if they were older than that.

my former T was 20 years older than me. my T now is 38 /male and i am 28/female

My T is 3-4 years older than me. I still manage to have paternal transference. Go figure

I am the same way. I wouldn't see a T who is younger than me. My MD is younger than me.... but I like her a lot!

My current T is about 40 (I'm 33) and she's the youngest one I've ever felt comfortable with.

She's the same age as my mother. I'm 21 and she is 39 or 40.

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I am 52 and my T is 50. It was weird at first. All the other therapists I had were a lot older than me. I am finding out that as I get older I am going to either end up with therapists my age or younger and it is okay. The good thing is I didn't have all the mother issues come in to play with this one. Some times it bothers me because it seems like she has her **** together and I don't but oh well.

I have a "new" T since my last post in this thread. Now I am 39 and my T is 56. He is two years older than my prior T.

I now also have a pdoc. He is really close to my age. Possibly a year younger. I am not certain.

My T is 30 years older. Perfect.