[vienna]

I left something for my T to read as I was leaving my session last week. I was too chicken to have him read it in front of me, and I wasn't ready to actually talk about it yet. I thought giving it to him on the way out would help me not to think too much between sessions, which has turned out to be true, but I am supposed to see him again tomorrow and am so anxious even thinking about talking about it. Part of this, I'm sure, is because I've never actually talked about this with anyone before. Part of it is probably because I don't entirely trust that whatever I have to say would be acceptable. I just feel so sad. Ugh.

((((((((((((((((((((vienna)))))))))))))))))))))

I've had that sort of experience....I've e-mailed things to T that I couldn't say, and then before I knew it, the next session would roll around and I'd have to face him.

Sometimes I have told T, "I don't want to talk about what I wrote yet". Sometimes, we'll talk about it a little bit and then I'll tell him "I can't talk about this anymore" and we'll stop. You can be in charge of how much or how little you say.

Maybe a good place to start would be just telling him what you wrote in this post? That you wanted to tell him what was in the letter but you were scared to say it, and now you feel anxious because you've never talked about it before, and you are not even sure what to say. There have been many, MANY times in my therapy when talking about being too scared to talk have opened up a path where I actually CAN talk eventually.

Don't feel like you have to rush yourself....sometimes I will say literally one sentence about something - something as small as "he was wearing red" or whatever - and that's all we can do for that day, and we talk about other things. And it's okay.

(((((((((((((((((vienna)))))))))))))) Breathe, and be gentle with yourself. Let us know how it goes.

[skeksi]

Oh, I understand having the terrible anxiety because you feel you'll have to talk about something. But earthmama's advice was fabulous--remember that you get to choose how much you talk about it, even if you talk about it at all. I have spent whole sessions with my T NOT talking about something because I just wasn't ready, and that was okay. Go at the pace that feels safe enough.

I'll be thinking of you.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((( vienna ))))))))))))))))))

Earthmama is right, I have found it very helpful in these type of situations to talk about my inability to talk about whatever I have written my T about, it really helped me begin to trust T enough to talk about some hard things.

[vienna]

hi - thank you all for replying. my session with T went well today, despite all my worrying! i did talk about what i wrote some. he didn't push it too much, just pointed out that now that i had talked about it it gives us the opportunity to work with how i see it and feel about it. i feel comfortable looking at it that way, so maybe this will be all right after all. i just want this pit in my stomach to go away. maybe this is the right way to do it? nothing else has worked...

thank you all again,
vienna