[Bleah]

driving by their T's house? I feel sick that she may somehow find out and I'm not exactly sure why I did it and wouldn't know what to say if I'm confronted about it.

[winterbaby]

[I've driven by but never said anything about it. I think it's a quite normal thing to do with the curiosity and all about our T's. I'm of a different school of thought than a lot of people here who say that it should be talked about. I think a lot of that curiosity (is this a new T?) resolves itself as you get to know the T. I never mentioned I did the drive by because I didn't want him to think I was stalking him.I was curious once, did it once and that was it. I never brought it up. I doubt she would know it was you unless you stopped right in front of her house for a good long look and she happened to be staring out the window at that exact time.

I haven't driven by his house, although I know where he lives.

I HAVE looked at the website of his church and have seen pictures of him (on that website) doing a Habitat for Humanity build. And I figured out that he was on a men's retreat with his church when he told me ahead of time that he would be totally unavailable during a weekend in the first few months of therapy.

Personally, I told him about those things. I didn't want it hanging over my head, making me worry - although I knew there was no way he would ever figure out what I had done. He was not angry, alarmed, annoyed, or anything else. He just said "It sounds like you're trying to find a way to make sure you are safe" or something to that effect.

Looking back, he was probably right. Now that I've been in therapy with him for a long time, I don't feel the need to seek him out in the same way anymore. If I need him, I just e-mail or call him....and more and more often, I just know he's "there" and that's enough.

[deliquesce]

i don't think you will be terminated. your T might be upset, but that is something she will talk to you about and you can both work through together. i think it would be a good idea for you to talk to her about it, because then you can figure out why you did it, and also so that you can get what you want whilst respecting her boundaries.

e.g., if i knew where my pdoc lived, i would probably want to drive by his house too. but why? because i'm curious as to what he looks like on the weekend, when he is a 'family man', and because i think he would be an awesome father and stuff. i imagine him playing with his kids. if i told him this, he would probably tell me what he does wear on the weekend. maybe show me a picture of his kids, i don't know. but something he was comfortable with, that didn't push me away.

i think your curiousity is normal and nothing to worry about. i think it would be helpful to you however to get it off your chest, so to speak - stop you from feeling guilty about it, and also so you can get what you really want.

I've googled my therapists/Pdocs over time; i think it's just curiosity and to make sure that i can trust these ppl. I've also hung around my old T's office (when I was still seeing her) which is right next to this park where i go to think things thru. I never told her cos i didnt want her to think i was some wierd psycho stalker and stop seeing me - fear; i was too scared to tell her.
I think it's up to you if you mention it or not; if you are brave enough, i think it will be helpful to explore why you needed to know more about T/seek T outside of session. And I seriously doubt that you would be terminated for one time. If you cant bring it up, dont feel bad, i understand.
Take care

*Willow*

I highly doubt you would be terminated for this. However, I am sort of confused about what happened? I am guessing you drove by out of curiosity, but:

Did you stop in front of the house and stare at it?
Did you beep the horn? I'm only asking this because I'm wondering how you would think she know you drove by.
Is her house in your area and you could pass it off as just passing through the neighborhood?

Are you planning to discuss this with her or are you just afraid she will bring it up?

[Bleah]

Originally Posted by pinksoil

I highly doubt you would be terminated for this. However, I am sort of confused about what happened? I am guessing you drove by out of curiosity, but:

Did you stop in front of the house and stare at it?
Did you beep the horn? I'm only asking this because I'm wondering how you would think she know you drove by.
Is her house in your area and you could pass it off as just passing through the neighborhood?

Are you planning to discuss this with her or are you just afraid she will bring it up?

Well, I parked in front of her house, got out and waved my arms and called her name repeatedly, but she didn't come out.



I'm kidding! I'm hesitant to give details because I'm paranoid she reads this board. I was just curious, like the other posters have suggested, am curious about her "other life", etc. Though, I think she deserves privacy and just like she doesn't give out her home phone number (I assume!) to clients, I think she'd prefer that clients don't drive by her house. I knew she wasn't home at the time, or I wouldn't have considered it. She lives in a place where it would be hard to claim I was driving through the neighborhood.

I don't plan to bring it up. My fear is that she will somehow know, bring it up, and I will be mortified. I thought about lying if she did bring it up, but I'm kind of transparent. I won't do it again because it didn't feel good and the worry is making me sick, so I guess that can be considered a positive. I don't want her to think I'm a stalker, although I suppose that behavior is a bit stalkerish.

I've read some other threads about people being terminated and I just sit here thinking Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God ... WOWWW, that would hurt!

[ECHOES]

You might feel better openly discussing this with her.
How did you feel when you went there?
I think it's nothing more than curiosity and wanting to feel close to her, like so many of us write about the attachment with T that drives us to call, email, think of T a lot.
What did you wish or fantasize might happen if you went there, if T saw you there?
I think it's something interetsting to explore.

[dalila]

FWIW, I drove by my therapist's home once. I was really embarrassed but I told her about it. She was ok with it, she understood that it was just curiouscity and forgave me. She did ask that if I did it again that I not go into her driveway and that I not make it a habit.

[imapatient]

I can't imagine a T making a big issue out of someone just driving by. I've done, and I know others who've done it. No stopping, just driving. Several times. I told her, but I know if I always did. It's fodder for therapy. It says something about your relationship, and as you say, you don't know why. The need for a type of connection, curiosity, many things. It's a very minor thing to do if it's just as your describe. It doesn't mean you're a stalker.

If a T makes an issue of what you did--here once, I think that's a sign of trouble with your T, not you.

[kim_johnson]

my t lives in his office with the plants. he puts them in the closet when i visit so i don't know he has plants. that way if they die i won't think it is cause of what i said. they are still alive so he is happy.

sigh. of course i know thats not true. and i know he has a house 'cause he skyped me from it. and (presumably) called me from it the time he got sick and needed to cancel. sigh.

i find it curious that some people think about their t's house... and other people (like me) kinda... don't. not better or worse just different. i guess i am kinda curious about where he lives. i don't know where he lives, though. i suspect he has a bit of a drive in (given the time he gets up / leaves for work) and i know he practices in this clinic in the burbs so maybe he lives out there... it is kinda on the outskirts... guess he could have a lifestyle block further out... though i don't imagine he does... i suppose he could, though... ugh. i guess i have a mental picture of his house... i don't know.

i don't imagine you would get terminated for being curious enough to take a look. it isn't stalkerish until you, well, stalk them. i've googled my t, too... the church is in the burbs so i bet that is where he lives... i think my t might be a little paranoid about the security of his family, actually. so... yeah, i dunno where he lives...

My 1st and 2nd Ts had their offices at their houses... so there was no avoiding it. Obviously the office was in separate part with its own entrance. Not like I had to walk through the kitchen to get there, lol. Imagine that-- I stop, raid the fridge, make a PB&J sandwich, and stroll on down to the therapy room. It was weird, but really comfortable at the same time. Now I go to an agency. I would never want to see where T lives. What if I had an uncontrollable urge to throw pebbles at his window??

[Brian37]

obviously this is something you need to bring out in a session...it's not like your therapist hasnt heard this before...just look at all the posts here

there is a reason you drove by the house...i'm not sure what your reason was, but I went thru the same thing with my first therapist