pdoc must be sick of me.

everyone must think i'm an idiot, or a loser, or something. i dont think pdoc likes me anymore either.

i have an exam tomorrow and i havent studied for it. the books are still sitting under my bed. i tried to call pdoc today to ask for some help, and his receptionist said she would pass on the message in one hour when he dropped by. she asked me who was speaking, and when i was spelling out my surname, she said - oh that's ok, we know who you are, you dont need to finish spelling your name, we all know you here. so i was thinking, maybe all the receptionists laugh at me because i go to see pdoc so often.

and then pdoc didnt return my call, so maybe he is sick of me, too. he must have got the message and rolled his eyes and been like "not deli again" and decided to call me maybe tomorrow when he wasnt feeling so exasperated with me.

anyway, it's ok, because i quit with my T a month ago and it hurt but it's ok now, so maybe if i quit with my pdoc it'll stop hurting in a month or two also. i can go to my gp tomorrow and ask for a new referral to a new pdoc, and this time i'll make sure that i space everything out properly so they dont think im a drain or a waste of space.

anyway, just wanted to vent. i feel pretty stupid for being such a nuisance and for thinking pdoc really meant it when he said i could call him.

I think you're jumping to a lot of conclusions without much evidence. You know, the office staff don't always say the right things, but the office staff are not your pdoc. Maybe the receptionist meant you have an unusual last name so that's why the staff would all recognize it. Who knows. It doesn't matter. What matters is that they pass on the message to your pdoc, and that you and your pdoc work this out.

As for your pdoc, you have no evidence that he received your call, that he ignored it, that he rolled his eyes, that he's sick of you, that he's exasperated with you, that he thinks you're a drain or a waste of space, that he thinks you're an idiot or a loser or a nuisance, or that he doesn't like you anymore. A fine story you've made up!

Why not make up one of these:

--Deli's pdoc never got the message.
--Deli's pdoc wasn't even in the office when she called.
--Deli's pdoc had no time to return the call because he had to personally escort a patient to the hospital.
--Deli's pdoc got her message but then got violent stomach flu and had to go home. After the fever broke and he had stopped heaving, he remembered her call and has been worrying all night about her.

Who knows? Those stories are just as apt to be true as the one you made up.

I hope you can talk to pdoc at your next meeting and clarify the phone boundaries. That's so hard, but can you ask him when/how often you can call, whether he will call back, and what topics it is OK to call about? Maybe he, like many pdocs, really wants his main role to be about meds. Maybe he would see the call you made as more of a topic for your therapist and feel he couldn't help. Yes, I know you no longer have a therapist, but maybe one could be helpful with issues like the studying.

If you truly believe you are calling your pdoc too frequently and your pdoc agrees, it doesn't mean you need to go back to your GP for a referral to a new pdoc. You could still stick with the same pdoc but decrease your calls to him to bring your behavior in line with his boundaries.

I think there are lots of options and scenarios here, but you need more info and clarification from your pdoc before making any decisions.

Best of luck on that exam.

thank you for having the patience to point out all of that to me, sunrise . you're probably right in that i am jumping to conclusions. ive just had the most mentally draining week so far, and i guess it is an old habit for me to doubt that anyone thinks i'm worthwhile.

re: phone boundaries. thank you for bringing those questions up. i'm going to answer them here so i can refer back to them the next time i'm spinning out.

pdoc has said i can call him whenever i want, during office hours or after, as often as i like. he says he trusts me not to abuse the priviledge, and that he wouldn't tell that to most of his clients, so if i am wondering whether to give him a call, just to do it because he is more than happy to receive the call.

he has given me his mobile number so i can reach him at home, if i need to, or so i dont have to go through reception if his staff are not passing on msgs. he has told me before that he has found that a lot of the time they forget to pass msgs on, so it is good for me to just call him directly.

he has told me he will always call back. i think maybe i need to clarify about when to expect a call though. i feel a bit hopeless sitting and waiting for a call that might not come for a few days.

pdoc has become my T. he always did therapy with me, but thought someone with specific training might be able to help more, so he referred me on to my old T. after i quit with the old T, pdoc said he would just continue on with me. i said maybe i should find a new T, but he said it isn't any problem to him at all, and that he would increase our session frequency if that was something i needed.

it is pdoc's idea that i see him every 2 weeks. i used to see him every 6-8 weeks, but then things got rough and he increased the frequency. when i told him i was feeling ok again and that we could drop back down, he was the one who encouraged me to continue seeing him more often.

ok. that feels better. thank you for raising all those issues, sunrise. i need to clarify about when to expect a call back, but it is certainly possible (and not unexpected) that his staff might have forgotten to pass on the message, and this is why he gave me his mobile. pdoc wasnt even meant to be in his office today, so maybe he never dropped by like he said he would, so his staff couldn't pass on the message. he will probably call me tomorrow, and if he doesn't, i can assume that he didnt get the message, and i will call on his mobile.

thank you so much sunrise. i was having a major flip out earlier on. my brain is fried .

(((sunrise)))

(((((((((((((((deli)))))))))))))))))))

Sunrise's reply was so great that I have nothing to add!! I will say that I have completely gone into a spiral waiting for a return phone call, worrying that I'm too needy, that I've finally pushed T by calling one too many times, etc. I have SO been there. And it's NEVER turned out to be true. T either hasn't received the message, or has been crazy busy with his own life, or was going to call me back and I'm just being impatient, or, or or....

I remember one time I called him on a Friday in the early afternoon, a time when I know I can usually expect a call back, and he didn't call AT ALL on Friday. The spiral started. He finally left me a message on Saturday afternoon, and in the message he said that his life had been on hyperdrive ever since I had called, but that as soon as he got into a quiet space, I was the first person he wanted to connect up with. So, the reality was, in fact, the OPPOSITE of my spiraling. I try to remember that now when I start making up stories in my head.

(((((((((((((((deli))))))))))))) I hope you get to talk to him today!!

Deli wrote >>> [pdoc] has told me before that he has found that a lot of the time they forget to pass msgs on, so it is good for me to just call him directly.


big clue here ... he is telling you in a professional way that he has had to yell at his staff a lot, for letting him down in past. That's definitely not you, that's a support problem with his own employees.

now that I think of it, my GP has the same kind of staff... maybe it's a national franchise! ISI (Inept Staffing Inc)

thank you EM for understanding and empathising. i totally get what you mean by 'the spiral'. i think that is a good way to describe it.

SAWE - thank you for making me lol . the turnover at pdoc's office is high, but they must still be going back to ISI each time?

oh. it is 10am and he still hasn't called? i need to stop waiting by the phone. i need to plan my day. but i feel like - i can't do anything until i talk to him, because i need to know if he still supports me.
i'm going to try and talk to some academic advisors today to get my degree sorted out. but i need to know if pdoc will give me a support letter saying i havent been well. i dont know. ****.

(((( deli ))))

I hope he calls. it sounds like from what he has said to you

(call him whenever you want, during office hours or after, as often as you like,

gave you his mobile number so you can reach him at home)

that something's going on with him.

You could ask him at your next session if his circumstances had changed -

maybe he's overloaded with clients and can't be as flexable any more...

wife is complaing about calls.........kids are involved in activities.......

who knows? ?

just ask

Maybe receptionists are DUMB at Pdocs offices...
Do you have to get a referral to a new Pdoc in Australia?
Secondly, why a new Pdoc? Your assuming an awful lot here that you can't confirm at all, and I'm POSITIVE it's the depression that's talking nonsense to you, not logical Deli-girl from down under!
Maybe you need a hug((((((((((((((((((((DELI))))))))))))))))))))))
Cuz we all know the world could use more of those.

Meanwhile, stop thinking of the insensitive way the receptionist responded, and at next Pdoc appointment (soon/when?), tell your Pdoc how the receptionist responded and how she made you feel like a jackass.
God knows I would, cuz sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut when faced with stupidity... give me the address I'll be sure to send the receptionist a nice fat card to let her know just how much WE REALLY DON'T GIVE A RATS ARSE WHAT SHE THINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sure she hasn't been TOLD how much we really don't care, but she needs to shut her pie hole, don't you think Deli?

Chillax...

pdoc still hasn't called... i've stopped waiting.

thank you for the hugs, free2beme. i will ask him what the rules are again the next time i see him. he only gave me his mobile a month ago though, so not much should have changed since then. but it will be good to get it straight in my head. thank you .

the only problem is >>> WHEN will i see pdoc next? he told me to catch up with him on monday, but i just realised that coming monday is a public holiday, so his centre doesn't open. i can't make an appt through his reception, because he doesn't let them book appts after 4pm, and we usually see eachother at 5:30pm.

so i don't know what to do. the assertive thing would be to call reception back again and leave another message, but a part of me is still scared that he got my first message and is avoiding me. i dont want to be a nuisance.

lol simcha you make me smile. thank you sweetie.

yeah, in australia we need a referral to get to a pdoc. that way the govt subsidises some of the consultation fee.

maybe i will wait another week and if he doesn't call then i will get a new pdoc? i like this one a lot but if he is tired of me then the best gift i could give him would be to stop being his patient.

thank you for the hug. here's one back at ya >> .

and yes. receptionist needs to shut her pie hole, lol. there is one receptionist there who i really like, but she hasn't been around lately. i hope she hasn't left.

Deliquesce,

XXHugsXX You know that you can't read minds, or atleast I can't. So if I were in your shoes I would still see the pdoc but next time ask him whether he meant you can call anytime or whether you're calling too much or too little or whatever. Mention what the office person said, give him a chance to explain and then go from there. Don't just jump to conclusions because you might lose a really good doctor if you do. I know sometimes doctors know me by the sound of my voice and that's a little embarassing but they still say to call. I think most doctors are genuine when they say that. He might not have gotten back to you urgently because you didn't say it was urgent or because he has a big patient load and couldn't make time right then. Whatever the explanation let him have a chance to tell you first before you let him go.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

yes I think they do, since they have such unique skills dealing with patients don't they
Once I came down with some bad bug, & drove to my GP's office for medicines - I was so sick I got lost on the way altho I had been there many times -
I staggered in and they asked me, did you have an appointment?
Well no, I didn't know I was going to get sick today.
They said, the Doc left for India last week and he won't be back for two months.
Did they think to change their recording? why nooooo..... sheesh...... ISI probably has offices nationwide.

oh, poor bubs. i hate that!! were you able to see a different dr?

and yes - ISI must have offices nationwide. or internationally, seeing as i'm in australia . they're everywhere!

thank you sweetie. maybe i will send him a txt later and ask if i'm calling him too often or something. i dont really want to see him if he wants to stop seeing me, so i just want to know. i am going to the counselling service at uni today and maybe they will know what to do. i am trying to look for a new therapist after i stopped with the last one.

Be assertive!!!!

Call that bumbling receptionist and make an appointment.

He has not stated that he will no longer see

you as a patient. He still has responsibility for your care.

If she tries to give you one in like June

- tell her it's urgent.

I say call the Pdoc again.
I'll teach you how to be a loud American and demand your government gives you what your taxes pay for!

Then, if the Pdoc doesn't return your call I'd tell the dumb receptionist that you filed a complaint with your government agency that redresses these things/medical board/whatever--that your Pdoc ABANDONED YOU, which in America is against the law. Don't wait another week. You need to be helped and he needs to do his job. This isn't about being a "likeable" patient or not, this is about professional responsibility. And the receptionist still needs to shut her filthy pie hole...

Secondly, if after you call again no return call YEP---get new Pdoc and send this one to hell.
Yes, I'm really this feisty.

i think i need to go in for assertiveness training . i think i will wait until next wednesday and then give a call again. monday is a public holiday here, and then on tuesday i have work commitments, so if i call on wednesday i will have a better idea of what times i can make it.

simcha - have i said how much i love you already? your american comment really made me lol.
i will call again and if there is no return call i will call on his mobile, leave a filthy abusive message, and then find a new pdoc.

oh wait - i need him to fill out some forms for me first. i will wait until he send the forms, THEN send him a filthy abusive message, and find a new pdoc .

thank you all for being so lovely to me. it means so much that ppl take the time to respond and cheer me up and challenge me.

can i go to assertive school with you lol?
in the meantime may i provide hugs?
((((((((((del)))))))))))))))

yes!!! we can cower in the corner together and hope that we don't have to do anything assertive in order to pass .

thank you for the hugs, beautiful. hugs are the nicest things in the world.

Hahaha - I like this class already!
Hoping things improve!!!!
((((((((((((del)))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((deli)))))))))))))))))))

Can you call him today (Friday)?? Or is today already over where you are??

Wednesday sounds so far away.

Here are some more hugs in the meantime

Depression is a NASTY little bugger that needs to be KILLED!
I do whatever I can to squash the bastard.
What's your public holiday on Monday?

(((((deli))))) I SO get how you feel, and I've had a lot of these happening to me in the past. Everytime, however, when I do get to speak to my pdoc eventually, I realise that he is not avoiding me, he is not tired of me! Call again, it will do no harm. AND YOU WILL NOT BE GIVING HIM A GIFT TO STOP BEING HIS PATIENT! Take care, us "needies" easily feel "needy", there's NOTHING wrong with that!

it is saturday here now! it's so confusing to me how the world can live in different days. wednesday i think will be ok. if i called on tuesday, i wouldn't know if work would let me go early, so it's better for me to call after i know what work will allow. thank you for the hugs, EM.

it's Australia Day on monday - celebrating when the first fleet landed here and became a part of the Queen's country. And stole the land from the true natives . But this Australia Day will be pretty exciting, because our PM just recently apologised to the Aboriginal people for all the atrocities we committed against them, so I'm hopeful that we'll be able to reconcile and move forward .

thank you susaan . this is all just one confusing mess in my mind. because i stopped therapy with my psychologist last month, and he didn't seem to care ("I have other patients I can see, I don't mind if you don't return") and so now I'm in big crisis mode as to whether I have maybe misunderstood pdoc's caring towards me. Maybe he doesn't care if I don't return either. I just wish I had these really firm and strong boundaries drawn up, so I know where the relationship stood, and what is ok and what is not ok and not to be expected.

"("I have other patients I can see, I don't mind if you don't return") "

OMG!! Seriously?!?!? *picks up jaw off floor* I have to hope that they were just really sad to see you go (hurt) and *really* unskilled at masking it. Otherwise.... i mean... ****! Last time I thought a professional was telling me they really didn't care, I emailed them what I heard her say, then what I thought that translated to, and checked in to see if I was correct. Turned out i was not correct. it was not her meaning.
Really hoping some better things come of this for you!
((((((((del)))))))

Australia Day... hmm. I'm so American that being seen as part of "THE QUEENS COUNTRY" is antithetical to being, well, American. Don't shoot me though! Don't worry; here we have Columbus Day, where we give thanks to God for destroying the Indians by feasting!

So here in America, doctors traditionally are hard to get callbacks from traditionally, unless it's important. Thing is they are really busy most of the time. I'm sure it's the same where you are, you think?