pdoc must be sick of me.

yeah i've never understood that whole "let's celebrate and make this about how good we are" when how many thousands of ppl died because they already lived there. *sigh*. I am glad, del, that Austraila made appologies to the aboriginals. I think we also did to the Native Americans..... as did the Pope to everyone hurt by the Church... etc... etc.... And I think Germany did to the Jews. Now if we can actually work on this whole peace thing.
"imagine all the ppl..... living life in peace........ *lights lighter*

i guess an alternative interpretation is: no pressure on you to come back, because i don't need anything from you. i think a part of it is him trying to be all like "therapy is 100% your decision, you're in control here" but the way he said it (and he used to say this often) made me feel pretty small.

oh yeah - i'd prefer not to be a part of the 'queens country' too . now that we have new PM, we might get it to come true! lol at Columbus Day. you know, on australia day, it is typical to have a re-enactment of the first fleet coming to settle, shooting Aboriginal people and all?

yeah... i'm not sure about what the deal is here in australia re: docs. pdoc used to be very good about returning calls within an hour or two, but lately i've had to wait a day, or even a few days. the thing that gets me a bit annoyed is that *he's* the one who is always so insistent that i call him should anything go wrong, so i thought he would actually be available to call me back? silly pdoc. i think we are due for a chat.

I hadn’t caught the comment from your T about staying/going. That shows insensitivity that I wouldn't tolerate. You're better off. Now just find a new T.

About the pdoc contact problems, you said it right: You're due for a chat. I wouldn't be happy with him, and you show the right assertive attitude to get the issue dealt with. Just do it, you'll be happy with yourself for doing so. He'll respect you for advocating for yourself and if he's a decent person, he'll acknowledge that he's failed you on this.

"but the way he said it (and he used to say this often) made me feel pretty small."

=( it would me too. And often?!? ((((((((((((Del)))))))))))))

thank you imapatient and kiya. it is nice to know i'm not alone in thinking some of T's comments were a bit hurtful. i never said anything about it because i thought he would just turn it around on me and how i was misinterpreting everything, as usual.

imapatient - you are right. i will talk to pdoc properly about calls and stuff. i did try to bring it up in a roundabout way last time (by asking him who i could call after hours when i just needed to chat?) and he gave me some numbers, but it turns out they only work 9-5 anyway. i will try to be more direct this time and ask him what i can expect of him.

I'd say be direct with your Pdoc about what you told us. You don't have to sound like a jerk in order to be direct and...assertive. I know people shy away from such things but you have to make your needs known. Your health shouldn't suffer because he has receptionist with her head up her bum and the fact that he is lacking in social graces to return a patient phone call...

Hi Deli,

Just wanted to clarify somthing... you're pdoc said you could call him on his mobile - have you?

I rang my old T and he didnt get back to me and at my next session they handed him my message! LOL so not funny! maybe your receptionist is my oldT's receptionist too - they came from the australian outlet IAU (Idiots are us!)

take care Deli and let us know how you are doing. P7

Pdoc has always been caring and considerate to you - except with this phoning back thing - and it always seems to have a receptionist in the middle of it - you said they wont book appts after 4? and you see him at 5.30 - can you ring TUESDAY and tell them that and see if they can talk to him and get an appointment for Wednesday - and when you next see him maybe you can discuss the whole phone thing - take care Deli

[quote=Simcha;927552]Your health shouldn't suffer because he has receptionist with her head up her bum /quote]

oh Simchathat put an image in my head! Deli no wonder he didnt get the message! She couldnt see where she was writing!

thank you SO MUCH for making me lol. you're brilliant, P7, you really are.

simcha - i love the new av changes you are going through. but try to slow them down a little ok so i can keep up?

here is the latest:

pdoc didn't call. this is ok because i stopped expecting him to.
i had decided that i would call him tomorrow if i hadn't heard from him, but now i am reconsidering. i think i must be making people really tired of me and they don't want to work with me or help me anymore or care about me or whatever. everyone is better off without deli in their lives. this started off with T last month, when he didnt care when i terminated. then the acute care team said i was faking sui thoughts to be manipulative. i told two of my friends about the thoughts, because i was becoming desperate - and one of them told me that if i really felt that way, i would just do it. the other one - i sent her a long email asking for help, and she didn't respond. i was prepared to believe she was on holidays and hadnt checked emails, but the next time she saw me she said she had read it, just not bothered to reply. i feel pretty worthless. it's like... i've always had my 2 friends, and my T and my pdoc to rely upon, and even the crisis team when things got really desperate. but in the space of 4 weeks i have managed to drive 4 of those 5 avenues of support away.

so i think i must be doing something wrong. maybe i am asking for or demanding too much. maybe no one thinks i'm worth the effort. maybe everyone is just busier with other things and it has nothing to do with me. but whatever - pdoc is the only person who is still on side (and this is only because i haven't confirmed with him yet whether he hates me still) and so i think it's better for me to not call him, and at least think he is still ok with me, than it is for me to call him and maybe drive him away also.

if you had asked me 6 weeks ago whether all of those ppl i had tried to get help from would have cared - i would have said yes, absolutely. so i'm starting to doubt my trust in pdoc, because if everyone else can desert me, then i haven't been very discriminating in whom to rely upon.

so my family goes away next week, and i'll be alone at home for 10 days. this will be nice, because i told work i was going away also, so now they won't expect me either. maybe if pdoc calls during that time i will see him, otherwise it'll be ok.

Deli,

Call your pdoc. Again and again and again. He's supposed to help you as a job duty. Send him a brief letter just telling him you want to see him, having problems with phone messages, confused--is he taking issue with you personally blah-blah-blah. Stop by the clinic and leave the letter. I highly doubt that he’s having issues with you personally.

Don't give up on him.

1. The T you had was bad.

2. I think you're college-age-ish (correct if wrong), F--- your friends. At that age many people aren't very mature about really serious issues. If they aren't very experienced in what goes on with people in recovery and mental health care (and few at that age are), they likely are clueless about what the processes are like let alone able to identify "true" sui feelings from attempts to get attention. T's who've been working for decades don't necessarily know. When I was your age, I realized that my normal friends weren't capable of relating to therapy related stuff. They were too immature, and luckily for them, free enough of mental health issues that they'd never been in the system. I made some older friends for a couple of years thru support groups. Man, being 23 and hanging with some peeps in their mid-30s who'd been around the block was very helpful. Have fun with your friends, but recognize that they can’t help you much with the really intense issues and circumstances you’re in.

3. Likewise, screw the people with the "case team" or whatever they are. What you were told was unethical and should be illegal.

So all of those avenues have demonstrated themselves to have little value for you or anyone needing care.

4. Oh, yeah, F the receptionist or whatever she was. Let your pdoc know about those things.

Don't let a collection of morons, idiots, nimrods, naifs, incompetents, and morally-, ethcially, and legally-challenged reprobates define your self-image.

Don't give up on your pdoc until you know for certain what’s going on. He sounds good. But find other resources for you right now if you need them--a T that you could possibly see briefly and quickly, crises centers, etc.

I'm worried about you being home alone for so long. Make concrete plans for what you'll do with your time. Post here multiple times a day. Message me. I want to know what happens with your pdoc and other stuff.

Don't give up on pdoc; there are communication problems at issue. Go directly to him as much as you can.

(((((((((((((((((((((deli)))))))))))))))))))))))

You are NOT worthless, and you DO matter, and you deserve to be heard and helped.

It's not like you've called pdoc over and over and over again - didn't you call him once and he hasn't returned your call? That is hardly being "too much" or overstepping your bounds....like others have said, it's almost certainly a case of him not getting your message.

I do know the fear of calling again and not getting a call back....like, it might prove that the first time wasn't an accident, and he really doesn't want to talk to you!!! I have SO been there. But from everything you have said about pdoc here, it sounds like he really does care, and will, of course, call you.

It sounds like you are getting ready to isolate - family gone, not going to work, not talking to pdoc. For ME,that is a recipe for disaster. It's a little formula:

Me + My Thoughts = NOT GOOD

I am worried about you and I hope you will call again.

BTW, when I saw "Australia Day" on my calendar yesterday, I thought of you (I'm in the US)

Hang in there deli, and at least keep talking to us...

You are paying for a service.

All of these 'professionals' are receiving payment for your care.

You deserve to be treated with dignity, kindness, and respect.

If they won't, somebody will.

Most likely you are not the only client being treated this way.

(((((((((((((((((((((deli)))))))))))))))))))))))

Deli,

Please do not take responsibility or blame for the apathetic response of your friends or the lack of promptness by your mental health providers. This is NOT your fault. From what you've written, I don't see where you have done anything wrong in attempting to contact your pdoc/t or in asking for a call back. You have every right to be able to communicate, especially when it's about something as important as your mental and emotional health.

About the comment the receptionist made, "You don't have to spell your name, we all know you here". . .this could have been meant as helpful, in saving you time. Or it could have been a bit of a jab, which, if it was, was not very kind. Best not to assume. If you're not sure, try to accept it as helpful. About the lack of response of your pdoc/t, if it was me, I would keep calling until you can talk to them. You really can't find out what the situation is until you are able to talk to them.

Most of all, do not blame yourself! Unfortunately, alot of people aren't as sensitive and compassionate as we are, and they don't realize that their actions (or lack of them) can hurt others. But this does not reflect badly on you.

Deli, Deli, Deli,

You are not worthless - you have helped a lot of people here - me included! that makes you worth a lot!

Ring pdoc, last time this happened he didnt get the message - RING HIM! isolating yourself doesnt work - we both know that - it leaves you alone with your thoughts and feelings and when you are feeling this way thats not good - please please please please and did I say PLEASE ring him! .... have you rung him yet?.... what about now?.....

Unfortunatley your friends ..... hmmm be nice P7.... they arnt very supportive, they are probably full on with their own lives or maybe they are scared to talk to you about your Su thoughts - they may think talking makes it worse - the old push it under the carpet and it wil be alright thing some people just dont know what to do - I am sorry they didnt answer your emails - keep posting and pm me any time - and did I mention....ring pdoc! please

((((((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))))))))))))

OUCH!!!! wtf is WRONG with ppl?!

Zounds - i have to throw my lot in with everyone elses' posts and say you need better ppl in your life and i'm really sorry they couldn't step up and be good friends. ((((((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))))))))

I wonder why we do this... I do this... i start to understand that I, too, have needs - but when i start to ask for them IRL, everyone goes away. Then I back off and decide it really isn't worth having needs. But maybe there's just something wrong with the ppl around us - they've gotten used to us being doormats or windows and don't want us to have needs and be seen...?

Are you safe? Will you be safe? Do you need to do a safety contract with someone? I volunteer, if you do. kiya

You sound like me here imapatient!
I agree with it all. The receptionist seems to be at the center of the discord and I think Deli needs to be ASSERTIVE and MAKE HER NEEDS KNOWN BECAUSE DAMN FRIKKIN DAMN SHE IS WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't let someone make you feel like you aren't---damn it I'm frustrated for you! This would piss me off to no end, and I personally would not put up with it. I've hung up on doctors who pretended to be "caring" before, and replaced them!

If it turns out to be the Pdoc (I doubt it), I'd replace his ***** in a milisecond--- after I reported him to the licensing authorities of course!
I'd also tear that reception staff a new arse hole!

Everyone needs to be treated with respect and Deli isn't getting it--- so I say DELI---- DEMAND IT!

so >>> i love you all, right? thank you so much for sticking by me even when ppl IRL won't. you guys mean the world to me right now.

i didn't call pdoc today but i will try him tomorrow. today would have been hard to get him anyway because he is not at the clinic on wednesdays, and then i would've got upset if he didn't return my call. but i will try to call him tomorrow. but i'm afraid i won't know what to say. can someone help me with this?

imapatient - thank you for the letter suggestion. if i do not hear from him after the call tomorrow, i will drop off a letter on monday. i think that is a good idea, and something that isn't too scary to do.

i am sad about my friends because they have been friends to me for over 10 years now. i have leant on them for support in the past, and they have been very good about it. so i guess that's why i think i'm doing something wrong - because they have been good in the past, so it must be my behaviour that has made them change their response this time? anyway, i'll know not to bother them again.

i went to disability services at uni today and the lady there said i should call pdoc also . she said if i was too scared she could book me an appointment with one of the counsellors and get them to ring pdoc while i sat there. she said she would call me by the end of the week to follow up on my uni stuff, so i better get in touch with pdoc by then.

earthmama - thank you for thinking about me on australia day! that cheers me up a lot.

free2bme and P7 - group hug? thank you, lovely ladies . i'll read this thread again tomorrow to psych myself up to calling pdoc. i might even call his mobile directly.

peaches - thank you for reframing what the receptionist said. she said it in a cheery manner, and i was ok with it at the time, but then when pdoc didnt call i started thinking maybe she was laughing at me instead. stupid deli and her thoughts . stop thinking, deli!

yes! i started being assertive in a previous relationship i was in, and my partner didnt like it and dumped me. maybe people are used to me being a doormat. i try very hard to *not* ask for help, unless i'm desperate, so maybe i am scaring people with my level of need or something.

thank you, sweetie. i am going ok now but i might need a safety contract next week if my family are away and pdoc doesn't call. i have been looking forward to having a break from work and stuff, but i guess my thoughts have turned a bit scary in that it sees my family going away as a good opportunity to clean things up and action a plan. i will call pdoc tomorrow though. hopefully he will get back to me.

simcha - thank you darling, as always . i'll put on my assertive hat tomorrow and call pdoc.

Hi Deli, good to hear from you and that the uni is helping you - good for them and good for you -

its hard with friends isnt it - I have lost a couple who i thought were good friends but when it came to the crunch - they couldnt deal with what was happening to me and how I was changing - and I didnt tell them the half of it! imagine if I had! their loss and you're friends loss too but at least you will know for next time so somthing good did come out of it even if it doesnt seem so now.

When you go to your next pdoc appt - which I hope is soon I think it would be a very good idea to discuss the phone thing - it could save you a lot of stress next time you need to ring - if you cant say it write it down and take it with you - be safe and take care of you P7

I lke this plan LOTS!

yesssssssssss... this is what i was worried about. Let's definately get something in place in the means of a safety plan/contract.
((((((((((((((((Deli))))))))))))))))))

Is it an AUSTRALIAN assertive hat with British flavor?
TEA TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, that's what your Pdoc needs... some good old fashioned American tea treatment. You do know what us Americans did with the T in the harbor don't you?

Well, we threw it OVERBOARD of course!!!

Hey Deli, did you get hold of Pdoc? no pushing him in the harbour - it was tea that pushed in the harbour not Pdoc's!

Please let us nknow how you are going

We could push Deli's Pdoc's recepionist in the water though, right?

Yeah I'll be in on that one! We could get a crowd and turn up at her office!

lol, thanks guys.

so... i called reception and tried to book an appt (my grand plan was to not call him, just show up for my appt time, and then he wouldn't ignore me, surely?). they said pdoc is booked out for the next month . so i took a deep breath and said "ok, can i leave him a message?" and they put me through to his voicemail thingy! so i got through eventually.

pdoc called me back 2hrs later. we're meeting next wednesday, at the hospital which is attached to his usual practice. i dont know what he usually does at the hospital, but he said we would have all the time in the world to catch up and could go over an hour if that was needed. he told me to get reception to call him when i got there, or to just call his mobile myself and he would come down and get me. so i feel a bit better, i think. he seemed nice on the phone, so maybe he is ok with me and doesn't hate my guts.

thank you everyone who has been encouraging me to do this . i am still a bit scared of next week, but i feel better that he at least called me back this time. i'm sorry i haven't been replying to all of your pm's, i've been a bit tired/down/out of it. i will try to get around to pming you all back individually soon, but thought i should update here first before a mob showed up outside my house and threatened to drag me to pdoc's office right then and there!