[SavingGrace]

if so...what did you do?????

I have been seeing my T for 3 years.
She used to be so warm and caring....even to the point where she would "check on me" between sessions, and respond to every email I sent her.
And I really felt like she cared about "ME".

In the past 6 months, I feel like our "therapeutic relationship" has unraveled at the seams. My SIB increased and she began pushing DBT - which I agreed to look into...and I have and start the classes in Feb.

But now she doesn't respond to my emails and she seems so cold and clinical, even in session. I miss the "T" she used to be!! It seems as though all we do in session now is try to work out "our" relationship! I have told her that I think she has changed and I don't understand why.

During session last week, I asked her about her sudden lack of resonse via email and she said, "I have my reasons" - What does that mean????? So I got mad and she said, "It's easier for you to to leave when you're angry at me, isn't it?"

And I don't understand.......
Last week, I sent her an email telling her I needed a break - because I am frustrated, hurt and confused. Of course she didn't respond - and I'm sure she won't - so I guess it's over..... And I already miss her so much - I have moments when I want to take it back and moments when I think that time will make it easier.....

*SIGH* I don't think I can start over with anyone else - I feel hurt and vulnerable because I *trusted* her and now I feel like she betrayed my trust, just like my parents, and has validated my constant thought process that NO ONE can be trusted!

Has anyone else experienced this?
How did you handle it?

Grace

Originally Posted by SavingGrace

During session last week, I asked her about her sudden lack of resonse via email and she said, "I have my reasons" -

Wow. To me, that is a totally unacceptable answer. I really think she owes you more of an explanation than that...it just feels so disrespectful of the trust and the relationship that you have built with her to give you such a vague non-answer. I'm really sorry, I know that has to hurt

I did have something similar happen recently with a T who I call my "Teacher T" who was working with me on meditation/spirituality/energy work. She encouraged me to e-mail and open up, and then suddenly completely changed her response to me, rarely e-mailing back and pretty much shutting me out. She never explained her reasoning to me, but she explained it to my T (she felt like she was crossing a boundary into a therapeutic relationship instead of mentor/guide/teacher). It REALLY hurt, and left me totally blaming myself until I finally got an explanation through T what was going on. So I think I know a little bit of what you are going through. For me, though, I still have my T. To have your T pull something like that is just terrible

Do you want to go and talk to her about it and see if she will explain more about what is going on? Do you feel like there is something that can be salvaged? Once some time passed, I realized I still might be able to work with my Teacher T...I'm not sure, but it is a possibility (at first, I thought there was NO WAY I would ever see her again)

You've put so much work into this relationship....3 years is a long time...I feel like your T owes you and explanation and an apology.

[FerretGuy5]

You need to check into a new therapist. Things only get worse when you are treated poorly.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by SavingGrace

During session last week, I asked her about her sudden lack of resonse via email and she said, "I have my reasons" - What does that mean?????

You cannot know. You have to ask her for a fuller explanation. She may have her own problems and is trying to keep them from you. Maybe something else. You cannot know until you get more information.

[phoenix7]

I think what you have said in your post is clear and concise - can you send her that in an email - maybe if you let her know what is going on with you and how bad you are feeling she will give you the explanation you need to sort this out -

[iGottaBme]

Originally Posted by SavingGrace

if so...what did you do?????

I have been seeing my T for 3 years.
She used to be so warm and caring....even to the point where she would "check on me" between sessions, and respond to every email I sent her.
And I really felt like she cared about "ME".

During session last week, I asked her about her sudden lack of resonse via email and she said, "I have my reasons" - What does that mean????? So I got mad and she said, "It's easier for you to to leave when you're angry at me, isn't it?"

Grace

It makes sense to me that you don't understand the change in her behavior. She went from on to off. T needs to give you an explanation and not an "I have my reasons" response. It would be easier to understand if she said something that indicates she does not want to overstep her boundaries as a therapist or that she wants you to feel good about being able to depend on yourself instead of her.

I have been in therapy for awhile too and have seen my T pull back. I have never had the luxury of being able to email and he has never called in between sessions to check on me despite some SI behavior too. While I wish my T would allow more contact in between sessions, I know that is just one more thing that will have to come to an end.

Have you ever discussed termination with your T? I suspect that she thinks you might because she thinks it would be easier for you to get mad and leave and not come back. You alluded to not going back in your post because she let you down. I hope that you will go back and ask her to give you details on why she has pulled away from you and what she wanted you to take away from it. It is never a good idea to end therapy on a bad note so get the answers that you need or you will have difficulty moving on.

I think that a good time to leave therapy is when we can do it without missing our Ts too much. Some people have posted on the board about missing their T after termination but not leaving with a broken heart. Your heart is aching.

[del12]

i saw my 1st therapist for about a year. I never felt I connected with him, he seemed a bit cold and clinical. There were times I felt he was a angry person, but felt he was doing an okay job. Didn't know any better. Well one session he basically started out by asking questions that had nothing to do with my therapy and when I answered he said are you sure? THen at the end he said in so many words he thought I was not beeing honest about some homework he gave me and in a very controled way lost his temper almost like a teacher would who is very frustrated and doesn't believe what his student was saying. When I left I felt degraded, frustrated and a failure. I didn't live up to his expectations. I did not show him any anger when I left I waited til I got to the car. I couldn't go back. To make a long story short I found a new T she is much more nuturing and it is a better fit. I never went back. I did cancel my other appts. I finally after a couple months wrote him a letter telling him how I felt and why. I guess he could care less/ or thought he was right in what he said becasue he never contacted me. After getting through that experience with the help of my T I do know it wasn't me and that he over stepped his boundries. I never had closure with him and there are times when I wish I had but I know I am a better person when I got him out of my life. So I understand how you feel. You totally trust someone with all your deepest thoughts and feelings and it feels like they push you away. I think if I had an opportunity to email I probably would have instead of waiting 2 months to write a letter. I hope this works out for you. It would be very difficult to go back to a T who pushed me away or shut me out. Good luck to you

[chaotic13]

One of my struggles in therapy is being confused about my T's silence and then attempting to fill-in for myself the possible reasons for it. The reasons I come up with to explain a response are always much more negative or than what they really are. I don't think my T would respond to me with, "I have my reasons..." I think if my T was trying some different treatment approach and didn't want me to know exactly what she was doing... she would at least tell me ... my change in response is related to an approach I am trying, I can't explain it but know that I am not angry or tried of hearing from you.