[Mouse_]

I was kinda of thinking, the more my unmet needs get met, my fears of being attacked again, of being abandoned again , well off life begin to heal, I am finding that I am gradually coming to "mans'" orignal most basic fear, DYING.

yes, today my mind is frantically searching for all the depressives thoughts and unmet longings that normally occupys' itself within my mind and they are too a certain degree, less intense now. It reminds me of the post on Maslows list to self actulisation, instead I feel as if I am gradually spiralling into my most basic fear where all other fears are just branches that stem from this.. I don't know if I have the courage yet to face this core fear, dying yet. Suddenly it seems so much more easier to worry about old fears than it is to face any "real" fear.

Viewing all the fears I have worked through so far, these seem almost like a luxury, I am working my way "down" ...hhhmmm, not sure if this will make sense.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Mouse_

I was kinda of thinking, the more my unmet needs get met, my fears of being attacked again, of being abandoned again , well off life begin to heal, I am finding that I am gradually coming to "mans'" orignal most basic fear, DYING.

yes, today my mind is frantically searching for all the depressives thoughts and unmet longings that normally occupys' itself within my mind and they are too a certain degree, less intense now. It reminds me of the post on Maslows list to self actulisation, instead I feel as if I am gradually spiralling into my most basic fear where all other fears are just branches that stem from this.. I don't know if I have the courage yet to face this core fear, dying yet. Suddenly it seems so much more easier to worry about old fears than it is to face any "real" fear.

Viewing all the fears I have worked through so far, these seem almost like a luxury, I am working my way "down" ...hhhmmm, not sure if this will make sense.

dear Mouse,
this one fear you name is just one more.
For some fears, trust is the key; for others, faith; but all fears are definitely "real" if they impact us.
I am very glad to hear that you are finding so much light and air

[pachyderm]

(((((Mouse)))))

You will die. No getting around it. No one else escapes, either. At least you have lots of company in this. The entire animal kingdom. Even the vegetables.

It is not happening now. Plenty of time for that, when the time comes. It seems to me that death is not desirable but being mindful of it, seeing it clearly, and trying not to deny it, lets me think about it with a bit more equanimity.

[Mouse_]

HHHm, Today the fear isnt really there at all. I've felt since last weeks session where something that has played a big part in my life up till this point, was re-enacted and found a different ending, I've been spinning a bit in orbit waiting to see where I come back down to earth and how this bit of earth will look now its changed...

I also keep reading here on this site and find I have no answers, where once upon a time I was driven by "healing the wounded", now that all seems a bit far fetched, I see "healing" is a very personal thing with many pitfuls and my therapy is beginning to become just that, more personal, more matter of fact. Half the time I try to think of something to "say" here and really perhaps the time comes when people,places and things change, our needs change...unyet fear keeps me from trying something new, I dunno..perhaps this too shall pass.

[nowheretorun]

Originally Posted by Mouse_

HHHm, Today the fear isnt really there at all. I've felt since last weeks session where something that has played a big part in my life up till this point, was re-enacted and found a different ending, I've been spinning a bit in orbit waiting to see where I come back down to earth and how this bit of earth will look now its changed...

I also keep reading here on this site and find I have no answers, where once upon a time I was driven by "healing the wounded", now that all seems a bit far fetched, I see "healing" is a very personal thing with many pitfuls and my therapy is beginning to become just that, more personal, more matter of fact. Half the time I try to think of something to "say" here and really perhaps the time comes when people,places and things change, our needs change...unyet fear keeps me from trying something new, I dunno..perhaps this too shall pass.

there are some things we would like to stay ((Mouse))) ive been thinking your post over awhile.... im learning from it.... that we reach out, even when feeling 'different' ... we are looking for a connecion to something, something that doesnt leave us, doesnt wander.... something we can trust in... like faith, love, and oh God, the elusive 'happiness' ...

sometimes we can sit and be who we are, what we are, and we can choose something.... it is to ...... c o n t i n u e ........... with all hope and faith...

me

[kittykins9]

Mouse,
For years I went without the fear of death, and instead was glad to think it could happen at any time. In fact I hoped it would so i could be free. I was surprised when I came to where you are now-- which is fearing death. I honestly never thought it would happen again and that I could grow so attached to life that I had anxiety about parting from it. I don't know if you've been in similar places (seeking death), but I almost welcomed the fear of death as suggesting growth on my part-- reattachment to life. I know that probably doesn't minimize your fears, and it doesn't minimize mine. However, at least I was able to spin it in a direction that helped me understand part of my illness was over or at least in remission.

I hope this helps, though I'm not sure it will, but perhaps your fear of death is like mine, signifying that life is worth living.

Best,
Kkins9

[Mouse_]

Originally Posted by kittykins9

Mouse,
For years I went without the fear of death, and instead was glad to think it could happen at any time. In fact I hoped it would so i could be free. I was surprised when I came to where you are now-- which is fearing death. I honestly never thought it would happen again and that I could grow so attached to life that I had anxiety about parting from it. I don't know if you've been in similar places (seeking death), but I almost welcomed the fear of death as suggesting growth on my part-- reattachment to life. I know that probably doesn't minimize your fears, and it doesn't minimize mine. However, at least I was able to spin it in a direction that helped me understand part of my illness was over or at least in remission.

I hope this helps, though I'm not sure it will, but perhaps your fear of death is like mine, signifying that life is worth living.

Best,
Kkins9

Oh yes I have been in that place, seeking death, for most of my life, and hadn't really thought about the sudden fear of death as being a positive sign, but now you come to mention it, I do believe you on to something. Its so easy to devalue life and not want it, but wanting it is a whole different ball game, one that is pretty new to moi, and inside I feel I have a battle going on between the dark one and the positive one,

"take that, and that you swine", enter erroll flynn and his cast of merry men LOL!

Thanks.

[kittykins9]

Go Errol-- the fight up the stairs is one of my favorite scenes- perhaps another instance of symbolism for both of us.

Kkins

[Perna]

Some fears like that I use as boundaries? I use to use suicide that way, studied it and learned it was my "floor" in a sense.

[SpottedOwl]

(((Mouse)))

I agree with kkin9's post, that fearing death can be a positive sign. It shows a certain level of self-awareness...not Maslow backwards, but perhaps Maslow and beyond! I think it is about finding meaning. We all know that death is a natural part of the cycle of life, but what scares us is living a life without meaning.

I recently read 'Existential Therapy' by Irvin Yalom, and one of the main sections of the book is about facing the fear of dying. Most of it is available online in Google Books...you might find it an interesting read.