Does your T "push" you?

I've been in therapy for a little over a year, and I don't feel that much different than I did a year ago. I'm not depressed like I was, but I also am on Zoloft. Plus time has passed, and a lot of it was due to my kitten prematurely and unexpectedly dying. Other than that, I feel like my life really hasn't changed. I don't know if it is because my life is pretty...boring, so there isn't much to change, or if my T doesn't challenge me enough.

I've been wary of therapy working for me in the first place. I first thought about going like 2 or 3 years ago, and only went because the loss of my kitten threw me over the edge of sanity for a while. I struggled for the longest time (and still ocassionally do) with the fact of "why" I'm in therapy.

My life is fine. I have a job I enjoy, I have an apartment with a roommate I like, I have a new cat who is healthy, I have a family who loves me. I've had no traumatic experiences. My life has been pretty benign. Yet, I'm 28 and still live in an apartment with a roommate, haven't dated anyone in 4.5 years, and my life seems to be heading nowhere.

But, for all the talking that has been done in this year, none of that has changed. She's been very patient with me because I've been so hesitant to open up, but she's never asked me about how our relationship is, but I've also never brought it up...except that one time in e-mail. She mentioned how it is easier for me to write things in e-mails to her, especially about us. I just shrugged and went "Yeah" and that was it.

Anyway...that was long, and I don't know exactly what I am trying to say. I like her, but I don't have this intense attachment to her. I don't want to quit though, or change therapists, even if it may not be the 'perfect' fit.

Hi Velcor003,

that seems to leave one option - to tell her how you feel and se if you can get past this and start to make progress again - I hope things work out for you - its hard when you feel stuck

((((((((((((((((((((((((velcro))))))))))))))))))))))))

Would you like T to "push" you a bit?? I think that the things you wrote in your post would be great things to bring into therapy. Maybe talking about how you feel about your progress and where you are at will jump start things a little bit...

no way! if i bring that up, i feel bad. like i'm accusing of her of being a bad therapist.

I dont think she would think that - its not like you're going to say - NOW! lets talk about this progress Im NOT making!!!!

its more like - well I feel a bit stuck - what do you suggest? therapy is like a partnership - I understand your anxiety - I think your t would see it for just the question it was - think about asking - but only if it feels right for you - take care P7

That sounds like a great thing to work on in therapy. And it allows you to set goals and work on how to meet them. Can you tell your T just what you wrote? And ask her for help in visualizing/exploring how you would like your life to be (your goals) and then you can work in subsequent sessions on how to make it all happen. How to achieve your potential and dreams. I think most T's love to help with things like this. It's very positive work, both for them and the clients.

oh yeah - what sunrise said is so spot on - i think you need some therapy goals .

i found i was just drifting along in therapy until i told my T one day "i wanna try things differently - i want you to help me fix x". so we worked on it (for just 2 sessions) and it got fixed, and it was amazing that i could spend 2 years doing jack all, and then in the space of 2 weeks have such significant improvement. it was a small thing, obviously (i just needed to work on my wake/sleep cycle) but it meant big things in terms of energy etc.

i had about 11 things i wanted to get through, but unfortunately T ended up being a royal ($*)@#(^ and i terminated.

but definitely the next T i start up with is going to get a list of things i want out of the endeavour. i will break it down into immediate concerns, short term and finally long term stuff and get perverse pleasure out of crossing them off my list as they get accomplished.

i don't think your therapist would consider your opinions and feel that she has failed. i think it is a good thing that you are questioning what you getting out of therapy. what you expressed is like a "break through"...like what do i want out of this therapy? so why not write down things you do want out of your therapy and discuss those things with your t? this would give her insight on the things that you'd like to change or improve upon. you can build a relationship with your t on these very things.
hope you will keep us posted on how thiings go with your t. we care.

(((((((((velcro))))))))

My T does push me and it gets us into trouble because sometimes he pushes me too much and it triggers my PTSD. He says he needs to do because otherwise there is no growth. We have been talking about this a lot lately. I think this is something you should talk about with your T too. Has there been growth, progress? What are you trying to accomplish? If you can't talk bout the hard stuff (like me) then what's preventing you from doing so? Therapy is time consuming and costly, you should be able to get something out of it.

ooooh I can identify with this Velcro....
I have big trust issues and I know that if I never mention them, they will never heal; but when T herself is the one whose sincerity I doubted, even though momentarily, I don't want to tell her.

The fact is I need her,and her UPR

but on the two occasions when I have gathered up courage and have told her, and she bliew right past it, or if she felt badly i sure couldnt tell it. I guess that really demonstrates that she is not a bad therapist

Well, no you would be giving honest feedback for her to use in your therapy. The very reason to bring it up

Thanks everyone. Its so weird, because I am constantly doubting why I'm even in therapy, yet when I overslept last week and missed it, I was disappointed. So, I feel like I do have some sort of attachment to her, but I dunno.

my T has asked me what I see for myself in the future, and I just shrug and say I don't know, because I can't see ANYTHING in the future. Its been like that since I was graduating high school. I flipped out and just could not see myself in college, like I couldn't do it. I went to college, and it ended up being an amazing four years. Same thing with graduating college, I just could not picture myself in the "real" world. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown for two months, but have been living in the "real" world for almost 5 years. YET, it all has seemed fake, or like my life is a giant fluke, a giant "woops, got lucky here!" kind of mistake.

I'm going to quote a sentence you wrote upstream:

"Yet, I'm 28 and still live in an apartment with a roommate, haven't dated anyone in 4.5 years, and my life seems to be heading nowhere."

In that one sentence I see several goals and dreams and desires:
1) I want to: own my own home or make enough money to be able to afford to live on my own (--not sure which it is, when you implied you didn't wish to still be living in an apartment with a roommate. )
2) I want to be dating someone right now, or soon!
3) I want my life to be headed somewhere

and another one, from later on:
4) I want my life to be authentic ("it has all seemed fake")

There ya go--4 great goals! It's all there, velcro. I think you know a lot about what you want. Let your T help you actualize these dreams. I think there is a lot of negativity in your last post, like you are trying to hide or disown your desire for something better, something more, something that has meaning for you. To uncover your goals from your negative statements (I don't want, I can't see, I couldn't do), try reframing those in a positive way. That can be very powerful. Try flipping your statements around. Instead of, "I don't like being fake", say, "I like being real". Instead of, "I haven't dated anyone in years", say, "I want to date someone". They mean much the same, but it is the feeling that each gives that is different. The negative statements are disempowering, the positive are empowering.

It sounds like you have a lot to work on in therapy--a good place to be.