[Locust]

I want a therapy session and can't ask for it. I have cancelled several times recently. Never officially cancelled. Just didn't show up. Called back for another appointment, didn't show again. One day I rearranged the appointment for a diff. time, after missing once that day....then never showed or called the second time. Too embarassed to call in for one today, but want to see the T.

[darkrunner]

((((((Locust)))))))

It sounds like you are really ambivalent about going to T.
Do you know why you keep blowing off appointments?

I know it is hard, but try not to be embarassed - your T has probably gone through this kind of thing with lots of other people.

I hope you work up the courage to call your T - you have my support.

[Locust]

Thanks kt. It's diff. reasons, really. I stay up late and sleep all day, so sometimes, I am tired, and just think, to heck with it, I'd rather sleep. But later, I regret missing the appointment. It feels rude to him not to call, and also I feel the desire to talk to him about some things. I really want to talk, so I call back and get another appointment. Another reason is money. I am unemployed and seeking a job, at the moment. I am on the sliding scale fee, so it is cheap, but when you are broke, every little bit matters. So I have second thoughts because of the cash. Recently, I also missed because after I made an appointment, I found out that my niece had a play she wanted me to attend, and I wasn't going to be able to do both. Why didn't I call him to explain? I'm honestly....unsure. Then the other day, I had something else I wanted to do, that ran into my therapy time, so I missed therapy. I called back after the fact, explained and apologized, so my T rescheduled me for later in the day. Then I got a call from a friend asking if I could meet her. I don't get to see her unless I see her on her schedule, so I said yes and missed the T appointment. Again, I don't know why I never called to explain. I don't understand my own actions. Also, if talking to my T is important, why is it not important enough to crawl out of bed for? sighs* Anyway, thanks for the support. I really just have no idea what to say to him right now. And I am starting to feel guilty.

[imapatient]

You sound like you are completely avoiding therapy. You have excuses for every time, but when you have so many situations, it's a pattern, and patterns are driven by something more than a circumstantial "go with niece." You're afraid of something, or want to end the therapy and can't get yourself to bring it up with T, you don't like your T, you're angry about something with him or this or that so you keep cancelling.

Do you want to be in therapy or not? If someone wanted to be in therapy they wouldn't let non-urgent things prevent them from going to a particular appointment--all of your excuses sound non-urgent. I’ve never heard of someone having such a significant history of missed appointments in one period.

At some point, depending on where your work is at and what the T thinks your issue is, your T will terminate. After a couple of missed appointments without contacting the T is seen by many T's as a cessation of therapy at the behest of the patient's actions, so they formalize by writing a letter. If a patient isn't showing up, no therapy is happening; a therapy relationship doesn't exist.

You need to do a lot of thinking and acting. Something very significant inside yourself that makes you avoid. I recommend you see your T immediately and communicate via letter or phone to let him know how greatly concerned you are about the cancelling issue. Non-action means you might very soon get a letter from your T telling you you're terminated. You can only cry wolf so many times.

I hope you do something to get help; you must be in great distress. The not crawling out of bed thing is something I relate to very well, it's a strong symptom of serious depression--something I'm dealing with right now. Are you in a major depression?

[chaotic13]

Locust,
I think you are doing a diservice to yourself and your T. If you think therapy helps you and you want to talk about certain things then you need to set aside time to do it. When you schedule a therapy appointment write it in your planner, and tell yourself others can wait and cash needs to be set aside for your appointment. When you just don't show up for an appointment it not only just negatively affects you. You prevent your T from earning a living and you prevent others taking that session.

I would attempt to schedule another appointment, block out the time in your schedule, and committe to going no matter what. No excuses!! Then when you get there jump right into this issue. It sound like you have something going on. It is likely affecting you in more ways than you realize.

Originally Posted by Locust

Thanks kt. It's diff. reasons, really. I stay up late and sleep all day, so sometimes, I am tired, and just think, to heck with it, I'd rather sleep. But later, I regret missing the appointment. It feels rude to him not to call, and also I feel the desire to talk to him about some things.

i totally hear you on this. i did this today! i couldn't sleep last night and was up the whole night, and then i couldn't even get it together to do a phone session today. i have health issues and it's making it really hard to be consistent with therapy. when i'm so tired i just don't feel like bothering even though i really like my t. i'm in a weird season of life and i'm never this flakey. i hope you figure something out that works for you. maybe you need a more convenient time or day or something. or are you nervous about therapy and the conversations?

[darkrunner]

Imapatient and chaotic and reflection - thanks for your input.
I agree with your advice to Locust but was afraid to say it myself. (ummmmm - see people pleasing thread....... )
I think those things needed to be said though, even if it might sound harsh.

[quote=imapatient;957286]
At some point, depending on where your work is at and what the T thinks your issue is, your T will terminate.
/quote]

I was thinking this too. I've only been seeing my T for about 3 weeks, and in the 'introductory letter' that she gave me, she specifically said that if I consistently miss appointments we would re-evaluate whether or not it is the right time for me to be in therapy, and that we could terminate until such a time that I was ready and willing to stick to the commitment.
It may seem like a "punishment", but it is really just the recognition that if you are not keeping appointments what's the sense in making them anyway.

(((((((((((((((((((((Locust))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope you get this figured out - and that you talk to your T about it.