What are some things you wished your psychotherapist didn't do?

I did like it! Seemed to hit all the high points and made me smile too. My T is one of the ones who eats in session, which was #2 on your list. It doesn't seem to bother me but I can see many would consider it unprofessional.

And this is why you're the man with the huge website and a PhD. I loved it... I just wish more therapists would realize the "common sense" rules.

A previous psychiatrist that I had would spend the time yawning and examining the patterns on his tie.

My sister still goes to the same psychiatrist. He has made inappropriate comments about her body that would seriously border on hitting on her. She puts up with it and continues to go to him so she can get her meds.

My mother sees him, too (yes, my entire family is medicated). I don't know what my mother tells him about how she's doing (but I know she doesn't tell him about all of her abnormal behavior), but anyone could tell she continues to decline just by looking at her appearance. He does nothing about this, and has had her on the same anti-depressant (now at a very low dose) for about 13 years now-- and research has shown that when you are on an SSRI for a long period of time it ends up losing effectiveness, so it is advised to change the medication. This information, combined with just looking at my mother, should let him know that he should suggest some changes.

I moved out of the state so I don't see him anymore.

Hm, I don't appreciate the use of postings here without previous announcement and/or without author' s permission either.

Nevertheless, I agree with publishing this posting and here are two experiences that changed my attitude of Ts and a bit of my confidence in therapy at all. They are both about the end of therapy, and both about an unregular sudden end.

A female T started crying in front of me, when I told her that I thought that I made no progress in therapy because I was not able to do my therapeutical "homework" and could not see a concept in our attempts to overcome my inner blockades and my strong resistance against changing my bad habits (for example sleep hygiene, starting sports, adapting to daily schedules). I also had missed a few sessions and paid her for that according to the rules and we had talks about whether I am interested in therapy or not. I was, and I told her so, but I was not able to go along with behavioral therapy at that time.
When I cautiously told her that I did not see either progress or sense in this situation she began to cry. I felt very uneasy and apologized several times, but I also decided to stop meeting her.

Second story was a lot more embarrassing and irritating. After three weeks in a clinical therapy my T told me to my total surprise that this would be the last session because she had decided to end it. Asked for the reasons she told me I would not have cooperated enough and not having told her everything and thus deceived her, for example by keeping quiet about what she called a serious partnership conflict. Until that moment I never had been aware at all that I might have a partnership problem. I asked what I should do better, I told her that I was not ready to leave and I expressed my disagreement with her decision. Without the least effect.
So I went to her supervisor. First he denied to see me at all. Then, after one day of waiting and begging, he let me in his office half an hour before I had to leave the clinic. Asked what the reason and the purpose of all this was, he answered: "The therapeutical purpose of cancelling further treatment is to stop treatment." I asked what he meant by that. No response. I was stunned first. Then I became very angry.

I mailed a letter two weeks after this incident and applied for re-admission. The answer was an email where the clinic told me I better ought to stop further unwelcome "interventions". That was the point when I first seriously considered involving a lawyer.
Well, I recovered from that. Since then I never again was in therapy due to a general lack of trust. But I payed a high price, since this therapy was my last hope to regain enough strength to keep my job. After this I had to be put in early retirement. Quite helpful. Unforgettable. Should I mention that I was not very stable at the moment when I was kicked out?

I know I am not an easy patient due to my personality disorder. But I wonder if anyone deserves such a treatment. This happened 3 years ago. Until today I have no idea and no clue what caused this. An apply to see my patient's files had been denied.

Must I mention that I do not consider this the appropriate and by-the-book way of ending a therapy?

ok, seriously. this whole thread being turned into an article has been irking me off. i know i did not contribute here personally, but it makes me feel unsafe about any other threads i might post in being used for fodder for someone's research elsewhere. i'm especially saddened that this breach of trust happened from the forum owner himself.

when i joined this forum a few months ago, i dutifully read the community guidelines, where it states:

and again,

can someone please tell me if i've somehow misinterpreted these rules? would it now be ok for me to post asking for people to share experiences, write it up as a uni assignment, and potentially get it published?

i know some people might think i'm overreacting about this, but i'm really upset. again - if i've somehow misinterpreted the rules, then i'll back off.

eta: i wouldn't be upset at all if we had been forewarned that posts might be turned into article material. that would have been totally acceptable, imo.

same here. (and my $0.02: Grrrrr.)

Thank you Deli, you have stated my view exactly.
ESPECIALLY THIS >>> i know i did not contribute here personally, but it makes me feel unsafe about any other threads i might post in being used for fodder for someone's research elsewhere. i'm especially saddened that this breach of trust happened from the forum owner himself. <<<

I respectfully request that "the forum owner" respond to this.

Depends on whose blog?? I think a therapist that is unable to even contemplate seeing it from another side shouldn't yet again be in the job...If my T didnt already know that most of the things quoted in that blog weren't appropriate then yet again she shouldn't be in the job, I mean even me who done the must basic counselling course knows that..and the using of thie forum to create a blog without even wondering if it would feel like a betrayal to the contributers sounds like they are the last person to say what is and what isn't appropriate in therapy? I think it was a bit decitful....and I was suspicious also of the sudden question poised...but hey, least it weren't me that decieved.

I would have appreciated it also if I had known my comment was being used to research a topic for publication. Ironically, transparency in the therapeutic relationship is something we strive for because the more honest the relationship the more we heal. It is my personal biggest challenge.

Then again, you have to assume that anything you put out there on the web is--well--out there.

Well actually my topic (which was related to attachment) was not even used and I'm offended that it was just a simple BLOG ---- not even a big name psychiatric journal or something! geeez if you are going to paraphrase (r&d) people's insights without permission, at least write some scholarly work that your posters can at least can say, for their effort, that they've been contributors to an upcoming article in a notable journal!

LOL!!!!! yeah and what about royalitys?? I want my fair share and I want my picture up high!! and I want to be known as Dame Mouse!!

DAME MOUSE ?!?! I like it!!!

would ppl mind if i notifed a mod of the turn this thread has taken? we might be able to get a response and maybe clarification for the future.

will not go ahead with it if anyone has any objections .

I actually would like some feedback from Doc John. I guess it would just be nice to know in the future if he's asking out of curiosity or because it's going to be written up somewhere.

objections? No!! I am facing permanent lurkdom - or leaving - if there is not some sort of clarifying comment from the forum owner.
Sheesh, like you said Deli, the Rules couldn't have been more clear.

alright - i'll send a pm to Doc John and ask if he wouldn't mind clarifying .

So.... uhhh... my guess is, most people would prefer their therapists not to actively seek information and then write it up and 'publish' it without their express permission?

Add that one in, Doc John!

Scary thoughts.
I often wonder if we are all just play things to be manipulated...

Never mind my abnormally dark thoughts right now. They are medication induced.

Hi folks,

I had the idea and have been working on the article for a few weeks. Before posting this thread, I had 8 of the 12 habits (there was no set number, 8 would've been fine to publish), and the article was already written. I thought it wise, however, to get other people's feedback (including a few colleagues and my wife) to see if I had missed any obvious ones.

Writing a blog entry is not "research." Writers pull from life experiences all around them. I write for the website everyday, and I can guarantee that my experiences in the community help generate ideas for other entries, articles, etc. And this is generally a good thing, since such writing hopefully helps others feel they're not so alone and reduces the stigma of these concerns.

I agree, however, that I should've been very clear in the OP about using this for a blog entry, and I sincerely apologize for not doing so.

DocJohn

I’m a redundant wife and mother, in that I’m divorced and my kids have grown and flown. I’m not a T nor am I researching anything. Just thought I’d say that up front.

But this does go on - a lot! I have been involved in many, many forums (have also been a moderator on many) and believe me this is the norm. people researching, people with patients, and even people writing books hover around these board. To think other wise is a mistake - a huge mistake.

I do not see this as a negative however. It is an opportunity for us to educate them and improve the system. Something we must take full advantage of if you ask me.

What an amazing thread! I think I can list a lot of things but as an overview, and from other conversations I've had, I'd say anything massively inconsistent would be difficult for anyone in therapy.. messing around with timings of sessions or locations of sessions would be a biggie for me.

I think its useful for T's to know what to avoid.. but still as someone said, anyone well-trained wouldn't need to look it up.. they'd know appropriate behaviour instinctively.. I hope..

I hate when my therapist says "Your doing a good job", or "Your doing great" when I am sharing something traumatic. Both my T's have done this I wish I had the nerve to tell them that but I don't.

It makes me feel like I am a child, and the fact that they are saying it when I am sharing something horrible just doesn't mix very well in my head.

I'd rather hear, "I'm here with you", ect...

Hangingon

Well, I am not meeting a T at the moment, and I am not seeking therapy right now, but if I should one day start meeting a T again, I am determined to politely but distinctly give a feedback if a T should behave inappropriately, respectlessly or generally in a way that I wished he would not.

An open-minded T that really cares about feedback and is still able to learn will not be bothered. And a T that rejects feedback... Well, I think we would not be able to work together.

My t is great, but one time early on in our therapy, when we were struggling with boundary issues, I said, "Well, if there isn't any connection or closeness, then why am I even coming in to see you? I may as well just read a book about therapy or learn from a cassette tapes instead." She replied, "Well, that certainly is an option for you." That ticked me off!

Also, I did not like it that I told her over and over for years that I wanted/needed her to give me a hug but she wouldn't offer one. She finally admitted that she was afraid if she did, I would self-injure. I never understood why, since I don't SI. I've only cut like 1 or 2 times in my whole life, and it was years ago. She finally gave in and was willing to hug me, but I wished that she had just been up front with me to start with and told me her concerns about SI. Without knowing why she would not hug me, I was really feeling like I was bad and untouchable, or that she wanted me to suffer alone.

I don't like it when she takes phone calls in session. Normally, she turns her phone off but sometimes she gets paged.

wow, this thread info has now ended up on a blog at the ny times. i was reading there randomly and saw it: 12 most annoying habits of therapists. i am really, really glad i didn't respond on this thread. i sure hope nothing else we say here ends up in a national paper!