[mightaswelllive]

This is my first thread on here .::anxiety::.

I've been in therapy with my current T for about 2 years now. Last summer, after a traumatic inpatient experience, our relationship drastically changed. Once I got back I was so open and trusting because I was so elated to be back with a T that I knew, but then a series of communication errors caused the walls to go up and I lost a part of that connection. I've tried to bring it up a few times but it's been unsuccessful, mostly because it's awkward and I don't know how to identify what specifically went wrong.

I've been spiraling out recently and I'm having a hard time getting the support I need without that strong communication and trust we once had. Friday, I broke down and dropped a last minute bomb telling her that we needed to talk about therapy and the therapy relationship. I know this is good and important because it will help with communication but now I'm terrified to go in Tuesday and unsure of what to say.

Have any of you ever had this, or a similar conversation with your T?

mawl

[ECHOES]

Yes I think most of us have had this conversation and more than once.
It is nerve-wracking when something important comes up at the last minute and you carry that with you until the next visit. On some level you anticipate this to be a good thing and have hope to rekindle the connection. How it will go is an unknown, so hang on to your vision of this being a good thing

Good luck and let us know how it goes, if you wish to share that

((((((((((((((((((mawl))))))))))))))))))))))

T and I talk about our relationship A LOT. If I don't feel secure in our relationship, I can't do the other work that I need to do in therapy.

I feel like most of my growth in therapy has come in conversations with T about the therapy relationship. I've learned to pay attention to how I feel, identify what I need, ask for what I need, have my needs be met, etc.

Good luck

[SpottedOwl]

(((mightaswelllive)))

Welcome to PC!!! Thanks for posting!

I agree with earthmama: "I feel like most of my growth in therapy has come in conversations with T about the therapy relationship."

I am proud of you for speaking up and letting T know that you need to talk about your relationship. It can be really scary to have these talks, but it is so worth it.

Try not to worry too much about what you'll say when the time comes. Just what you've written here is a great place to start. (Print out your post if it helps, and bring it to the session.)

Good luck ... we'll all be here supporting you.

[deliquesce]

with my T - i sent him an email with dot points of what i wanted to discuss about with us. it gave him an opportunity to prepare (think over what i said, whether there was truth in it or if i was completely misinterpreting) and i believe that was helpful.

problem was, he was a bit of a jerk anyway, so the convo didn't go that great (as did most of our sessions). but i believe that if i'd had a T with more empathy skills, then it would have turned out differently - brilliantly, even.

[chaotic13]

I haven't discuss my personal feelings about the therapeutic relationship, however I have had a few live discussions about my anxiety, about how I intrepeted something that was said, or about how things are working for me. These discussions are usually very productive.

[sunrise]

Yes, we've talked about the relationship. He is generally better about talking about it than I am. (Sometimes he says wonderful things about our relationship and I can get overwhelmed by the good feelings his comments engender in me.) But sometimes I talk about it too. Early on we did talk about trust, as that can come gradually in therapy as you get to know them and they "prove" themselves. I remember also a discussion about what I wanted from him. Very early on, like in our fifth session or so, I remember him asking me what I wanted from him, "love?" I remember totally not being able to answer that question! Too much, too intense. Today I am really proud of our relationship (2 and a half years later). We are very close and I am not scared of it. He says that what we have is "health." I can do "health"? Wow.

I am glad you raised the question with your T. It may be a hard conversation but could open pathways for growth. You can use the progress of your relationship with T as a kind of barometer of your progress in therapy and your outlook for future relationships. It is good to discuss it every so often. I will keep my fingers crossed for you that it goes well. Especially after 2 years together and a history of good work, your relationship is worth fighting for. If you have lost a connection, it is absolutely the right thing to discuss that with your T. Good luck.

[Perna]

mawl, what helped me a bit in similar situations was thinking of a specific incident where my therapist was helpful and realizing/keeping in my mind while I was speaking to her that she could be that helpful now/in the future. Another thing was picturing her sitting next to me instead of "across" from me, like a friend instead of an "opposite". I'd picture her on-my-side?

[emilyjeanne]

Originally Posted by mightaswelllive

This is my first thread on here .::anxiety::.

Have any of you ever had this, or a similar conversation with your T?

mawl

I have this conversation with my T all the time. In fact my last appointment we talked about our relationship. Since my T is psychodynamically orientated, the relationship is part of the therapy. I'm sure other types of therapys have this too.

What I'm trying to say is that it is normal to talk about the relationship. The therapy relationship is the catalyst for us to change.

[greter]

I always appreciate it when a client talks to me about something that's happened i nour relationship and I find it's a great chance for us to move things forward. I would suspect that your T will welcome the opportunity, and they may even be as releived to have the conversation as you are.

LOL- I just remembered that early in therapy I told T I thought he was narcissistic because he seemed to like talking about the therapy relationship more than ANYTHING else. Nice!! Now I get that it's a really important part of the process....

Originally Posted by earthmama

lol- i just remembered that early in therapy i told t i thought he was narcissistic because he seemed to like talking about the therapy relationship more than anything else.

:rotflmao: my smiley isn't working but i'm lmao.

[ECHOES]

I just wanted to add that every time we talk about "us" it feels good. I feel giddy happy sometimes when we talk about us because she often soothes fears I'm having, corrects misperceptions I'm having. She never makes me feel whiny, or defensive, or ungrateful. She's very sturdy and able to listen to my concerns. I often feel very relieved and reassured and more solidly connected with her after a talk, however brief, about "us"

[Behindthecouch]

imho the discussions about "the relationship" are both the hardest and the most rewarding, especially when you manage to really resolve something. Most of the really important stuff in my therapy has been in discussions around the relationship itself but that doesn't mean I haven't chickened out over and over again when trying to raise issues about T in session. I think it takes a lot of bravery - saying it in the first place means that you have realised you have a right to input in the relationship rather than it being one-sided.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Behindthecouch

saying it in the first place means that you have realised you have a right to input in the relationship rather than it being one-sided.

Well said!

[mightaswelllive]

Thanks everyone for your support.

We had a really wonderful chat today about trust, vulnerability and dependency. She was also pretty open and reassuring about her goals for working with me and I was able to tell her more of what I thought I needed. She also offered some appropriate self-disclosure which made me feel like she's more of a person. I felt connected again, finally.