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#1
Mar 16, 2009, 07:18 AM
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I have T today and I woke up with butterflies in my stomach. Eeeek.
I have been really feeling good after T appts, even though the appts themselves are SO intense right now. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I guess I do my spiraling these days before my appt instead of after... It is a 90 minute appointment. My head already hurts, for real. I'm SO nervous 
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#2
Mar 16, 2009, 08:06 AM
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Deep breaths EM. I know therapy can be scary, but remember you have a really compassionate T who cares about you, and will help you get through it.
It will be ok. --splitimage
__________________
 "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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#3
Mar 16, 2009, 08:25 AM
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((((((((((((((((((earthmama))))))))))))))))))))))))
Yep - breathe in, breath out......you will be OK. You will be in my thoughts today - I'm sending strength and courage....... will you let us know how it goes? 
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#4
Mar 16, 2009, 11:44 AM
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Quote:
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#5
Mar 16, 2009, 03:08 PM
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I HATE THAT!!! I'm fighting butterflies and skin crawlies at the moment too. What I really hate is when I don't really know why. I've been restless all weekend and it seems to be creeping up. Hope your appointment goes well.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#6
Mar 16, 2009, 03:20 PM
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My appointment went really well. It started out fun, turned way way way intense, and ended kind of "okay". I feel alright now, actually. A little spiraly, but not too bad...I think it's just mainly forgetting half the session that freaks me out.
T did teach me a really cool way to shoot rubber bands, that was fun  
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#7
Mar 16, 2009, 03:44 PM
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Quote:
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#8
Mar 16, 2009, 04:10 PM
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replying to my own thread. probably needs a trigger but I can't figure out how to do it. oh wait - yes I can - I see them down there under what I'm typing...
good grief, the ups and downs of after-therapy are giving me whiplash. I had what felt like a HUGE BREAKTHROUGH in therapy. Like, HUGE. I don't even know if I can explain it here in words. It was like two parts of my mind were like "hi, nice to meet you" and little tiny three year old me had this awareness that she would grow up to be ME and the scary things would be over. I'm sure that makes no sense. Anyhow, I left feeling like...."WOW". Totally amazed that the two parts of me could meet and that the littlest part of me could have that knowledge. (T told her and I "got" it AND remembered it). Then, I was standing in the kitchen peeling potatoes for dinner and this impulse as big as the SUN, as big as the UNIVERSE, came over me to take ALL of my klonopin, or grab a knife and just start hacking away at myself. Total self-destructive thoughts verging on actual suicidal thoughts. Where did that come from? I do NOT understand therapy sometimes. I left T a message. I am NOT going to do anything to myself. I took 1 1/2 klonopin and I am being a mom and making dinner. But. BUT! Where did this come from?!?!?!?!?! Oy. I feel like my brain and my emotions are a ping pong ball. |
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#9
Mar 16, 2009, 04:43 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
I struggled with intense, impulsive thoughts like that a lot last summer. It was startling and very disturbing. I don't know where the thoughts come from and I wonder why you would have those impulses afer such a *healing* moment. Sorry I don't have an answer for you, but I just wanted to know you are not alone.....sometimes that helps. Thinking of you and sending . Stay safe....... 
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#10
Mar 16, 2009, 05:45 PM
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((((EM))))) Breathe Keep yourself safe.
__________________
LLT |
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#11
Mar 16, 2009, 05:45 PM
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Deep brathing is the key! I woke up in the middle of night (4am) with anxiety, butterflies in my stomach....then I countlessly started breath deeply....I continued for awhile till I fall asleep again....and then today I feel so great and I could get some work down at work....but I continued breath deeply during the day while I'm working....It really helps....Our brain and body need that extra Oxision! my heart is with you
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#12
Mar 16, 2009, 08:34 PM
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I am sorry. I get that way at times. It seems to me to be part of the process. That helps me to remember and i know it will pass and i call my t's and talk about it. Even if i dont know why i got those feelings i just tell them what it feels like
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#13
Mar 16, 2009, 08:40 PM
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(((( HUGS ))))
It's hard to handle the flood of feelings...I am only getting a small taste of it and am overwhelmed. I hope you're feeling better now... Ria
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail...
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#14
Mar 16, 2009, 10:11 PM
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EM, I am glad your session ended on a relatively high note.
Try to focus on that and let the other stuff be for awhile. Quote:
Let's trying and breath and think positive...Ts don't hit, laugh, yell, or abase, right!? 
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#15
Mar 16, 2009, 11:14 PM
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Wow, earthmama... sounds like a really intense but healing session.
I 'get' what you mean about the three year old being able to glimpse something outside of her range of knowledge. How wonderful that she was able to begin to understand the concept that time could be / is different and there is safety in her world now. It is so important for those parts of ourselves to understand that. I wonder if that intensity of feeling that came after - the immediate and urgent desire to self harm - could have come from the three year old? I may be completely off track there, but it occured to me but perhaps that is her own sort of 'backlash' for daring to think anything different? It may have been 'her' emotion, and your typical reaction to feeling those kinds of emotions?? Maybe? Or...that feeling may have come from another part entirely. Either way, the communication you've begun is wonderful, and is an absolutely essential part of healing. I truly admire how hard you work at all of this. |
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#16
Mar 17, 2009, 01:42 AM
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((((((((em)))))))))
so sorry for the crazy thoughts but i'm glad you're doing such great work in therapy. this will sound weird i'm sure, but you may have gotten spiritually slimed. take care of yourself sweetie.
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#17
Mar 17, 2009, 05:26 AM
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Pride yourself on being able to tolerate it AND be a functional mom at the same time. Not married, no kids here. I can't imagine being able to take care of another(s) person with the pain I feel sometimes. I admire people like you who are parents and are able to both cope and parent at the same time.
__________________
out of my mind, left behind |
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#18
Mar 17, 2009, 06:39 AM
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Ts absolutely do not hit, yell, or abase. Quite right. BUT do they run.... I guess I will find out today.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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