Sometimes I feel I don't really need therapy

All the counter transference, transference, the expense, it seems like my life was simpler before therapy. I was happy being just a mom, taking care of my family. Now going to therapy has made me do more in my life that just seems to add more problems than before. Maybe I should just forget going to college, forget the future career, and forget therapy. Just make the most out of what I have, which isn't too bad anyway.

Being in therapy isn't going to take away from what happened to me as a child, but it seems to take me away from what should be my focus, my children. They are only young once, they are now teens and they need me. So reliving the past in therapy may help me in the future, but taking me away from my kids in the here and now is not right either. Life was so much simpler when I was a stay at home mom. At least I was good at something.

Sure I have problems, but doesn't everyone anyway? Maybe I am just making more problems for myself because of therapy. Because now I have to deal with an unethical therapist, I have to deal with my memory problems that has made my grades drop dramatically. My house is a mess, my kids need me "there" with them. Maybe I am asking for too much in my life. Maybe I need to quit therapy and just concentrate on the good things I do have in my life. Anyone else ever feel this way?

You only asked if anyone else feels this way so I won't make any comments until you invite comments..........

I always invite comments, that is why I am posting, otherwise I would just keep it to myself. ;-)

yup...

I feel like therapy tends to make things more difficult...then again maybe its me
I'm in therapy simply for answers to those same old questions man has been asking since he invented fire....

I have no clue what people mean by "being grounded, "dissociation", "the inner child",
or other psycho-babble words

I fell madly in love with my first therapist, so I continued to see her only to lust after her until she finally figured out my motive for being there...accomplished nothing

I decided to see another therapist to try to figure out why that happened, but all we ever do is talk about goal-setting and how to be a better husband

I actually agree with you that life was much simpler before therapy....now I find myslef second guessing everything...and looking to therapy for the answers

Ive been depressed for so long Ive basically come to the conclusion that if thats the hand Ive been dealt...i'll play my cards

in the immortal words of Andy Dufresne:

"get busy livin', or get busy dying"

Yes I tend to agree with this, therapy can help with our problems, yes, it can but sometimes we need a break to live our lives for awhile, to just go back to doing normal everyday things and absorb the progress we have made so far instead of focusing on the past and living in our heads. I know I do this. I focus all the time about therapy and my session and my past and analyze it to death in my head and then the next week go back and do the same thing all over again. So I do take breaks. I can't imagine being in therapy steadily week after week for years on end even though I adore my T and have a lot of problems according to the DSM anyway.

I think therapy can be very beneficial but it is intense work that requires us to be balanced, and to be able to "contain" much of the therapy work between sessions so that we can focus on our jobs, families, and do life. Maybe instead of quitting therapy, you can limit the amount of time you spend thinking about/analyzing what's coming up for you in therapy. Can you compartmentalize a bit, opening up to therapy during your session time and then when it's over, containing what's left over and refocusing on your daily life?

I went through a long period where I thought therapy was making my life worse than it was before I went into therapy. Sure I was miserable, my ability to hold it together at work was falling apart, and I was drinking every night, but overall I was pretty high functionning. Then I started to deal with all my past **** that was getting in the way of making connections to people, and started dredging up all those emotions that I'd suprressed for so long - I started cutting, my drinking got worse, (lousy coping skills) and I finally landed in IP. This all took several years. But it was worth it, because I'm now coming out the other side and am starting to see positive results from the changes I've made in my life as a result of therapy. But the suggestion of trying to contain the amount of time you spend on thinking about therapy is a good one. I had to learn to do this, with my T's help so that I could function between sessions.

Now that I feel better, have gotten sober, and am active in AA, I sometimes feel like I have too my therapy in my life. I have AA, a pdoc, an addictions Dr. and my good old T. Cutting back on T would make a lot of financial sense since I'm paying entirely out of pocket for her, but I know I still have huge attachment issues that I have to deal with. So I'm kind of hoping that I'll only be in therapy for another couple of years, and after that I'll be ready to face life on my own.

--splitimage

This is such wise advice (but so hard to do!!)

Somehow, I feel like I'm at a point (this week!) where I can spend my life outside of therapy thinking about things other than therapy. For ME, I think it's kind of because I've starting dealing with the things I have been avoiding since I started therapy. It doesn't make sense logically...but now that I'm diving into the darkest, scariest stuff, somehow, I am less spiraly outside of session. I almost wonder if that stuff has been pushing at me and pushing at me and I've been working so hard to push it away that it's been consuming me.

OR maybe it's just too hard to think about all of the time, so I use my (very advanced! lol) dissociation and compartmentalization skills to just make it go away when I'm not there.

Either way, it's nice to be able to think about other things. I know this will have it's ebbs and flows like everything else in therapy, and there will be times when therapy consumes me again....but it's nice to have this mental break.

(((((((((((((((((((ExoticFlower))))))))))))))))))))) Do you think you will take a break??

I definitely have difficult times because of therapy.

But I also have wonderfully peaceful and hopeful times because of therapy.

The support and acceptance has made a difference in my life.

For me, the times I think I can do without it are often the times I'm tired and need to slow down some in therapy or need some other change in therapy, or when I feel I am facing something difficult in therapy that I might want to avoid, so I globally devalue therapy itself.

exoticflower, what is the connection between college/career and therapy? It seems like they are linked somehow, but I'm not sure how. It sounds like you are doubting whether you should stay in college/career because it takes your time away from your kids. And you are also doubting therapy because it also detracts from your time with your kids. Could you just do the college/career thing and not therapy? Or just do therapy for now and take a break from college/career? (Maybe not work or go to school fulltime but only halftime?). If you were happy being a stay at home mom, why did you change? (I know finances are hard for many right now, so sometimes we do have to do stuff we wish we didn't have to.)

For me, I was trying to make progress in my life, was very depressed, and so went to therapy. It was helpful at times, but not really that great, so I quit. But yet I was still stuck in my life and couldn't move forward. So after a while I went to another therapist, and he believed I was stuck because of my past, trauma, etc. So we did quite a bit of trauma work, focusing on my childhood. It was painful work, not easy at all, but slowly I did start to make some progress in my present life and inch forward to becoming unstuck. Now, I'm really on the other side, and looking back, it was all helpful. That first therapist I went to was not interested in my past at all--I don't think she knew much about trauma--and so that is probably one reason why the therapy was not helpful. I really don't think I would have come so far with so many of my present problems without working on the past trauma. When I was in the middle of the trauma work, it was all consuming, exhausting, and made me upset a lot. It didn't really seem related to my present situation at all. But T thought it was, and later I came to see that it was, as I began connecting up incidents from my past to my present, and seeing continuing patterns. I became motivated to stop those patterns after I understood them and how they were holding me back and keeping me stuck.

So, yes, I do think therapy is hard and takes time and energy. But I do think it is helpful too, and can be life-changing. Maybe now is not the right time for you to do therapy? Maybe you have enough on your plate with a new career and your kids, and therapy can be something you do later, if you feel you need to?

It's hard to do everything at once. If you are not completely falling apart (like I was), then maybe you can manage without therapy for now.

Only you know what will work best for you. I think this topic would make a great discussion with your therapist.

You also mentioned you have an unethical therapist. Seems like that would tip the balance in favor of stopping therapy with this T?

Yes, everyone has problems, but how you cope with the problems may be just as important. Are you successfully coping with and solving your problems?

Yeah, I think I need to get busy livin instead of analyzing my life. I think I really just need a break from therapy, I want to be freeeeeeee!

Thanks winterbaby,

I haven't had a break in 4 years, and I just want to live my life for awhile. I know all my issues aren't dealt with, but I can always work those out. I need to play with my kids this summer, go the the beach with my new puppy, garden, be happy and just forgot about my past for while.

Hi peaches,

I am not very good at compartmentalizing right now so maybe that is why sometimes therapy is just so overwhelming and takes over my life. I just know my kids need me and I am a mom, and that just needs to come first right now.

Thanks splitimage,

I am glad to know your story and that you are doing so much better. :-) I know I still need therapy, but I think I just need a break, maybe just for the summer or something.

Thanks for the hugs earthmama,

Yeah, I need a break. Maybe it would a good time to try out some of the things I learned in therapy over the past years. I am going off my AD meds too, and I am just curious how good I really am.

Thanks Sunrise,

I know therapy is a good thing, I just need a break from it. I know I will go back because I need to. I am also worried about my lack of short term memory, I am getting some brain scans done and I hope everything is okay. I just feel like I have enough to deal with, I don't need to deal with the therapy relationship itself right now.

Nope, I can't say I am always successful, but I think I can do okay for a few months. I would like to try anyway. Thank you so much for your very thoughtful reply. ((((sunrise))))