[Xtree]

I had my session today, I got there and I could not talk. I could not think, nothing was in my mind, I had nothing to say. There was plenty to talk about but I was at a total loss. I feel like I am just wasting everyones time. I give up, I no idea what else to do. I have really tried, I really have.

In the past I tried writing but that did not seem to work out for me. I need to jump start my brain, otherwise I am ready to walk a way from this. I no idea what else to do. It is very frustrating.

Xtree

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Xtree

Some people can sit and talk to anyone one about anything and talk forever. I know people like that. That is not who I am. I can talk to anyone and I am a very good listener and it is usually all about them. I am not open at regarding personal issues at all, even to people who are very close to me.

Xtree, does this have anything to do with it?

[phoenix7]

I found it like that on and off during my therapy sessions - cna you let T know how frustrated you are by this - maybe T could help - write a note if you have to or show this thread.

[hangingon]

Maybe you need reassurance from your T that you are not wasting his/her time. That may release a bit of pressure that you may be feeling about the whole thing. You don't have to talk every session in order for it to be productive. Sometimes just being there and pondering like you are is progress.
Hang in there!

[(JD)]

Please don't give up on yourself. You may need more time to begin to trust the process. You may need time to be sure that it's a safe enough place to share. I'm sure, even though I'm not there, that you are not wasting time....this is part of the therapy process for you. I hope you can "be" with it, and not fight it or berate yourself for it.

[sunrise]

That sounds very hard, and frustrating to sit there and want to share and talk and not be able to. Does your T have any ideas on what to do? Maybe there is nothing to do but just wait it out, develop trust, and keep trying. Or maybe your T has some exercises that will help, like talking about the events of your day, rather than something really personal or significant, just to get the words flowing.

One thing my T told me early on in my therapy was that I didn't have to "perform" when I came to see him. He had no expectations. That took a lot of the pressure off.

Originally Posted by Xtree

I feel like I am just wasting everyones time.

Well, you're not wasting T's time because your T charges you for a session no matter how many words are said!

I give up, I no idea what else to do.

This is not totally your problem and not one you have to solve all by yourself. This is something your T is trained to understand and deal with. Ask your T what else you can do. If you are unable to ask out loud, could you type out a short note and hand it to your T?

Best of luck. Hang in there.

[Xtree]

I do not what the problem is or why I do it. I do not do it on purpose. I want to but cannot either because I can't or because I lose my thoughts. When I leave I feel sad. Last time I went to my safe quite place to figure out what those feelings were but I have no idea, just made it worse. I still have no idea.

We alternate between individual and couples therapy each week so I think I will continue couples (because I have too) but will take a break from individual. I do not know what else to do.

Xtree

[Dani]

I feel like I'm in the same boat as you. I've struggled for the past year to talk in therapy, but I've gotten to the point where I feel like I'm wasting her time because I can't talk very much. So on Monday I didn't make a new appointment with her, I just walked out after our session, but she ended up calling me to talk and even on the phone I was at a loss as to what to say. I did end up making an appointment for this morning, so we'll see how it goes.

I've thought about just trying to think about what I want to say and talk about, right before the session, or even just jotting down a few topics on a piece of paper to help me remember what to say, so you might want to think about trying that. I know it's so frustrating and makes you want to just give up, but somewhere inside you there's things you want to say, and maybe it'll just take some more time to be able to express them.

[rainbow8]

xtreee: I'm sorry you feel like giving up in therapy. You said you tried writing, but it didn't seem to work. Did you try what Dani suggested, just writing down the topics, and then letting your T take the lead? Does your T ask questions, or just wait for you to say something? Can you get T to ask you if he/she doesn't? Will you answer them, or you just don't want to say anything?

I can relate to this because I used to have trouble talking to my first T. I would sit there for a long time not talking. Can you talk about non-personal things with T? Have you tried that in the beginning of the session? I also think your T should play a more active role if you have trouble talking, and wonder why he/she isn't doing this, or if it hasn't helped.

Don't give up! Maybe a different T who knows your difficulties would be able to help you open up. Do you see a pdoc too? Is there some medical reason for your inability to get hold of your thoughts, maybe?

One more idea. What about talking into a tape recorder, or is that worse than writing? I once did that for myself, and I was surprised at what I had to say. Usually I'm more open in writing.

I'm sorry you're sad. Don't give up!

[Xtree]

Originally Posted by Dani

... So on Monday I didn't make a new appointment with her, I just walked out after our session.

... jotting down a few topics on a piece of paper to help me remember what to say

I have a recurring appointment, same time every week. Sometimes I do write cheat notes for myself but then I never take it out of my pocket.

Good luck at you appointment today. Let me know how it goes.

Xtree

[Sannah]

So you don't want to talk to your T about what is going on with you about this?

[Mouse_]

Originally Posted by Xtree

I had my session today, I got there and I could not talk. I could not think, nothing was in my mind, I had nothing to say. There was plenty to talk about but I was at a total loss. I feel like I am just wasting everyones time. I give up, I no idea what else to do. I have really tried, I really have.

In the past I tried writing but that did not seem to work out for me. I need to jump start my brain, otherwise I am ready to walk a way from this. I no idea what else to do. It is very frustrating.

Xtree

Yes its hard to talk. I spent the first yr almost having to cough words up. No one can make you talk and there is no other way to communicate our feelings so talking is imperitive. I guess it depends how much your hurting? If you feel you can manage by walking away then you have yoru answer. Sometimes we just have to do the most hardest things in life to get the bestest results?

[SpottedOwl]

(((((Xtree)))))

Maybe it is ok to just sit in session and not talk. What if you gave yourself permission to just 'be' with however you are when you walk into the therapy room?

It pains me to read how tough you are on yourself. How you are mad at your brain, you want to quit....all because you didn't feel like talking one session. Maybe you just needed a week of not talking? Maybe it isn't about 'talking, but about learning to be kind to yourself and attending to what *you* need, and not getting bogged down in expectations of what is 'supposed' to happen in therapy.

I remember a post of yours a while back about switching chairs with T. That post stuck in my head, and yesterday in my session T and I swapped chairs. It was quite powerful...and it had nothing to do with the words.

You inspired me, thank you. I hope you can find some compassion for yourself, and if not I'm sending some your way.

[Xtree]

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

(((((Xtree)))))

Maybe it is ok to just sit in session and not talk. What if you gave yourself permission to just 'be' with however you are when you walk into the therapy room?

It pains me to read how tough you are on yourself. How you are mad at your brain, you want to quit....all because you didn't feel like talking one session. Maybe you just needed a week of not talking? Maybe it isn't about 'talking, but about learning to be kind to yourself and attending to what *you* need, and not getting bogged down in expectations of what is 'supposed' to happen in therapy.

I remember a post of yours a while back about switching chairs with T. That post stuck in my head, and yesterday in my session T and I swapped chairs. It was quite powerful...and it had nothing to do with the words.

You inspired me, thank you. I hope you can find some compassion for yourself, and if not I'm sending some your way.

Thank you for sharing. When I read you read my post regarding trading places with your T and then did it that put a smile on my face! I am happy you tried it and it had great results. I hope others can share that same experience.

Thank you for your compassion. It is not one time, it's often. I am trying to sort my feelings and the truth is I can't do, I just can't.

Xtree

((((((((((((((((((((xtree)))))))))))))))))))))

Probably the best thing that happened in my therapy to move things forward and get me to start talking was when T pointed out to me that sometimes I seemed like I was going to say something and then he could SEE me change my mind and either not talk or move in a totally different direction. He asked if I could feel that moment when I decide not to talk (I could). And he asked if when I felt like that, I could "try something different" (one of his favorite phrases) and stay with what I was going to say, even just for a word or two. I decided to try. And that is how we processed the first trauma we ended up talking about in therapy - literally a word or two at a time. It took FOREVER. But it gave me the experience of opening up a little tiny bit, and of having that be accepted, and then it made me braver about opening up a little more and a little more.

I also agree with what everyone said here about just "being". There is no script you have to follow. Can you say "I have a really hard time talking in here" and see where that leads you? Sometimes talking about not talking is a huge first step to being able to open up.

Don't give up on yourself. And try to be gentle with you. You are showing up, you are trying, and that's all you have to do.

[Amazonmom]

I think that is a completely normal thing in therapy. I tend to switch the subject to something else when I am feeling uncomfortable, but I keep talking.

My therapist says pushing someone to disclose things before they are ready just makes therapy into another trauma...and you are likely never to see the client again because of it. She wants to help me process through the issues, not just have me run away and never be able to deal with them.

If this whole thing bothers you, tell the therapist. They can find a way to make you feel safe enough to open up.

[FooZe]

I just responded in another thread to something else Dani had written on this subject, and I was wondering if anything I wrote there might ring any bells for Xtree.

I do like what treehouse said a couple of posts ago:

Probably the best thing that happened in my therapy to move things forward and get me to start talking was when T pointed out to me that sometimes I seemed like I was going to say something and then he could SEE me change my mind and either not talk or move in a totally different direction. He asked if I could feel that moment when I decide not to talk (I could). And he asked if when I felt like that, I could "try something different" (one of his favorite phrases) and stay with what I was going to say, even just for a word or two...

I suspect that if either of my Ts (or, especially, my non-T advisors) had been that flexible, resourceful and willing, therapy and a few other conversations would have gone a lot more smoothly for me.

[skeksi]

I empathize because I have had a great many silent sessions where in my mind, I'm screaming at myself to talk, but I can't make it happen. I have had a great many sessions, too, where T and I talk about how frustrating it is for me to not talk, and how maybe it's important that I not talk right now.

Maybe some part of you isn't ready to talk? Forcing it just makes the part of you stopping yourself dig in its heels. A lot of really good work in T can come from talking about what's happening to see the pattern. I hope you are able to bring this up with your T.

[Lifsuks]

Originally Posted by Xtree

I had my session today, I got there and I could not talk. I could not think, nothing was in my mind, I had nothing to say. There was plenty to talk about but I was at a total loss. I feel like I am just wasting everyones time. I give up, I no idea what else to do. I have really tried, I really have.

In the past I tried writing but that did not seem to work out for me. I need to jump start my brain, otherwise I am ready to walk a way from this. I no idea what else to do. It is very frustrating.

Xtree

Hi Xtree,
I know the feeling! Because of this I started to write my questions/issues down to discuss w/ my T and that kind of helped. But some of the items that I was going to talk about sounded lame by the time I got to my appt. a week or so later, that I ended up not mentioning those things at all. That left me leaving my session confused, incomplete and disappointed in myself! In my last session I made a copy for my T. of all the items I wanted to discuss and it worked out great. I did most of the talking and when I became quiet, he used my list and prompted me on the next item. This was the most active session since I have been seeing my T (2 months ago). I guess he felt it worked too because he told me to continue bringing my lists in from now on if I needed to. Maybe this would work for you. I also find that if I don't want to bring up an issue, I will talk about the weather or whatever's going on outside the window (thank God for windows!) and this would help bring up something to talk about. He would even mention something personal, like about his wife doing the same thing or whatever innocuous thing we were talking about (books, vacations etc.) and this would lead to some issue I wanted to discuss also. I guess my T. tries to give me cues to get me to talk. So Xtree, I hope your next session goes better---please don't give up! Take care...