Consulting a T About My T

Has anybody here ever consulted a therapist to talk about their relationship with their existing therapist? My t and i seem to be stuck in a repetitive bind that is preventing me from moving forward. she's a great therapist and very supportive but there are a couple of issues that continually repeat with us and do not seem to be resolvable. We've talked about the issues several times before, but it always seems to lead to another impasse. I don't know what to do about it.

Also, I've been seeing my t for a very long time (10 years) and wonder why, since i've been in t that long and we both work so hard, why am i not farther along the road to healing?

So. . .I was considering going to a new t just for a couple of sessions, in order to talk about my situation with current t. I thought that maybe a t who does not know either one of us and can look at the situation objectively might be able to see where we're stuck and/or need to go a different direction to get past this impasse. I would also talk to the t about my length of therapy with my t, the attachment issues, and so on. I would also be curious to know if that t would suggest continuing to work things out with my t or change t's. (I don't know if i could possibly do that, but would want to know the objective t's opinion anyway.)

Has anybody ever done this? I would feel bad and guilty about doing this, as it seems like i'd be going behind my t's back. but then again, t's go to consultation about us, don't they?

Please let me know your thoughts.

Also, if I did do this, should I talk to my existing t first, to see what she thinks of the idea? Or not? Do you think current t would be upset?

Hmmmm. I'm trying to picture this in my own therapy, so I can give a thoughtful answer....

I think if I had questions about how my therapy was going, I would tell T that I had concerns and wanted to talk to an outside T to see if they could see any patterns, etc. that might be holding me back in my healing. That is what *I* would do...but I also think it's okay to see someone a couple of times without telling T if it is more comfortable for you....

I'm actually considering something similar, because my ED is rearing its ugly head again, and my T knows almost NOTHING about EDs. I am thinking of asking him if he and I can meet together with another T in his office who DOES know about EDs to see if she can give us some guidance. There is no way I am switching Ts right now, but I feel like we need some outside help.

(((((((((((((((((((((peaches))))))))))))))))))) I hope someone with some actual experience in this area chimes in

If I can put it this way, modern psychology and Christianity are two ways of looking at the world. There are going to be a few conflicts.

My T has known from the start that from time to time, I check in with my pastor on how it's going, and I have needed to get his clarification on a few things for which he has insight into and she has not. So far, they have only disagreed twice.

He did take an extended travel, though, and in his absence something came up that T could not answer. I have a friend living far away, whose whose DH is a PhD psychologist of my own faith; we exchanged some email.

I told T that I was in process of asking him, and also shared his reply with her. She seemed very much OK that I'd done it, no problems,.

My T mentioned once that in some types of therapy, you work with multiple Ts (so if the relationship with your T gets very intense, you then see another T to process that). I don't know how common it is, but she made it sound like that is done sometimes.

Good luck if you decide to do that!

My T pulls in the reigns every once and a while and tries to focus. If therapy goes off on too many tangents it can become a little chaotic and unfocused. Writing a list of what you would like to accomplish and discussing it with your T may help.

I am confident that he would not mind at all if you would like to talk to someone else. I would tell him first otherwise you might feel bad doing it. I am sure he would not mind especially if it is going to help you. Your needs should come first.

Xtree

I work in a psych department at a hospital. Recently there was a study in the department about people getting consultations when they were having problems/stuck points in their t, so it is not unusual, but not everyone does it either. I would not suggest going for a consultation without speaking with your t first. The t you consult with may want to speak with you t also to help understand what is going on. Your t should be open to getting whatever advice is needed to help the two of you work through this circular pattern. Good Luck!

My daughter goes to therapy and was having some difficulty with her therapist. She wanted to cut back her frequency and her T did not want her to. My daughter and I go to a different therapist for family therapy, and in one session, this issue came up. We spent most of the session talking about my daughter's individual therapy and why she wanted to cut back and why her therapist didn't. It was actually really useful and helped my daughter clarify her own desires and feel empowered to seek further information from her therapist. The family therapist had good insights and advice and he didn't seem to think it was strange that we talked about this. It was helpful and I'm glad we did it.

Therapists are experts on therapy, so I think the idea is fine. Especially when you have been with someone for 10 years, you are practically like family and can develop, I would guess, some of the same disfunctions and blind spots that families develop over time. I think seeing someone for advice who doesn't know you or your T could be very worthwhile. But I think I also would share with my T something like, "I feel really stuck with our relationship and how therapy is going. When we try to resolve this, we end up at an impasse. I really want to move forward." I would just make very sure my T knew there was an impasse, and that I was frustrated and wanted to break out of the unproductive pattern.

Good luck.

I feel like you're getting a lot of great feedback here! Talking to your T about it could end up opening a door for you to make further progress.

(((((((((((peaches))))))))))))

I hope that the info you have already gotten here is helpful. You are always entitled to a second opinion and you are always entitled to do what is best for you in your opinion.

Take care.

(((((((peaches)))))))

i've been reading your threads but haven't had the energy to respond. i just wanted to say i'm thinking about you and sending you lots of and

Peaches, sometimes when we first go to a T we need something different from what we need 1 year or 2 years or 10 years later. And the T no longer has the skill set we need to move forward. Could this be some of what you are experiencing? You've grown in a different direction, perhaps, and need someone who can follow you there? Sometimes we separate from our T and move on to another one not due to a rupture or disagreement or anything negative, but just because it's time to move on in order to continue forward progress. I don't know if this is at all the case with you. It is hard to leave someone who is nice, supportive, that we know and trust, etc. Maybe you can work through your impasse and continue productively or maybe not. I did have a therapist who was fine for a while, but I reached the limits of her ability to help me, so I moved on to my current T. We have worked on a lot of completely different things than the first T. But the first T was valuable too. I hope you can find out what you need to.