[ECHOES]

I have been sick for the past week and a half. I saw T last Monday, but cancelled Thursday because I had not been able to sleep most of the week except an hour here and there, and I was so exhausted I wouldn't have been able to think or talk. Work was a challenge all week as it was not only because of being sick but because our computer system died the week before, leaving my people only 3 days to complete a week's worth of work. (They did it!! yay!)

I nearly cancelled tonight but miraculously feel okay this morning.

It feels like such a long time since I've seen T. Only a week, but I feel really disconnected, as if I could just stop going! That I could not see T again, not engage in therapy any more. That kind of scares me a bit, that I could lose the feeling so easily. It's like this connection is like many of my connections--only in the moment. I thought (hoped?!) that it was different, deeper, more meaningful. Yikes. It makes me think either I'm failing at the T connection or I just fail connecting in general. It makes me think I must be shallow intellectually and emotionally. Or maybe it's my holding back that affects all connections.

Well I'm thinking along these lines, so I guess I must be 'back'. lol

Originally Posted by ECHOES

It feels like such a long time since I've seen T. Only a week, but I feel really disconnected, as if I could just stop going! That I could not see T again, not engage in therapy any more. That kind of scares me a bit, that I could lose the feeling so easily. It's like this connection is like many of my connections--only in the moment. I thought (hoped?!) that it was different, deeper, more meaningful. Yikes. It makes me think either I'm failing at the T connection or I just fail connecting in general. It makes me think I must be shallow intellectually and emotionally. Or maybe it's my holding back that affects all connections.

I get this feeling too! When I am seeing T regularly, I feel so attached to him, but if we have a week off, I feel like "I could never see that guy again, and I'd be fine. Maybe I should just quit therapy now, while I can!"

But when I go back, the connection comes back. And the longer I am in therapy, the quicker it comes back.

I hope you have a good session, ECHOES

[sunrise]

It's hard to connect again after an absence. ECHOES, you sure don't seem shallow to me in any way. I hope your next session is more connected and that you are completely recovered. (Did you have the flu?)

[deliquesce]

it has always confused me why people say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". the longer i don't see someone, the less i get the urge to continue seeing them, the less i miss our connection. it is nice to know that others relate in this way.

with pdoc it is different, but i think he is the only one. and that only happened after many years of seeing him. i still think about quitting (all the time!) but i think of it is a sad thing, not a neutral thing like it would be with so many other people i have relationships with.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

it has always confused me why people say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". the longer i don't see someone, the less i get the urge to continue seeing them, the less i miss our connection.

There's a saying for that too: "out of sight, out of mind."

[ECHOES]

Maybe I should just quit therapy now, while I can!"

Treehouse, this just cracked me up--you have such a way with words! Yes, this is something I was thinking...getting out while the getting is good. lol

sunny, yes I had the flu. I thought it would never end, then yesterday I realized the symptoms I was having were migraine, so I treated that and this morning actually felt good, not just better but Good

deliquesce, they also say "Out of sight, out of mind" which is how I tend to be too. ((edit--sunny, you beat me to this!!))

It was a really good session. Quiet and calm and connecting; little resistance from me; I felt like I was able to watch it unfold, and feel it unfold. It was nice. I told her I had no idea what to talk about since I had pretty much been sleeping since last Monday. But there were plenty of 'leftovers' from last Monday and the session took off quickly but at a nice pace. I love leftovers!

[deliquesce]

ooh - thank you for reminding me of that saying, (((sunrise and echoes))). i feel like a normal person again (because, clearly, i need folk sayings to validate my experience ).

[ECHOES]

LOL deliquesce!