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#1
Apr 28, 2009, 06:50 PM
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I feel like I have to re-start my whole life.. I have to create new dreams and new hopes and for the first time in a long time LIVE... I spent about 9 years off and on loving a women who said she loved me but her actions most the time did not reflect that.. I have been attracted to women that are physically or emotionally unavailable my whole life.. That hard part is I dreamed for so long how our life would and could be.. if she ever left.. oh I forgot to say that part.. I had an affair with her off and on for 9 years.. she always would fill me up with reasons why she couldnt leave.. and then would fill me up with hope that she was going to leave.. it is like an addiction.. that I kept going back to... over and over again.. I love her and did anything and everything she ever asked me to... I comprimized everything and lost friends because of this.. I have been on every medication and was sucidel and now I have not been on medication for almost 2 years and no I just ended it again.. but I am afraid I will fall back into the trap the addiction of her beauty and lovin... I know I cant cause its killing everything good in me.. I am a mess... It hard to think how do I get over this how do I move on.. how do I stop missing her ever second... I sometimes think it would be best If I couldnt feel anything... so I joined this site to reach out for some help and support and a distraction..
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#2
Apr 30, 2009, 09:11 PM
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
 Obviously this woman is not good for you and there are so many other women out there that you shouldn't waste your time. I know its easier said than done but please, have some faith in yourself. Pull away gently and take some time to just nurture yourself. When you do find a partner that treats you as good as you deserve, this will all be a memory. It hurts now but it will improve. Wish I could offer more advice than this...take care of yourself.
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#3
May 01, 2009, 06:52 PM
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 Couldnt have said it better myself. What that is, is a toxic relationship. I know it is easier said then done but you do need to find someone who wont play you like a yo yo. you deserve so much better then that and there are plenty of women who would treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Best Wishes.
__________________
*Sally* |
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#4
May 02, 2009, 12:27 AM
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love hurts in all ways
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#5
May 02, 2009, 11:03 AM
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Jme, but toxic relationships aren't limited to man/woman.
It's hard enough to admit that families are toxic to us... You are a worthwhile and loving human being and deserve to be shown respect and courtesy. Perhaps when you can believe this about yourself you will let go of her, seek someone who will love you honestly, and be happy with your choice. Best wishes...
__________________
The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
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#6
May 02, 2009, 11:34 AM
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I have been in a long term loving relationship with a woman for 24 years. I am so sorry to hear that you are heart broken right now due to a relationship that went sour.
Please don't give up on yourself and your love life. The whole point to the pain of suffering is the opportunity to learn from it. Be the person you want to attract in your life, and start over. Thinking of you with love and kindeness. Quote:
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#7
May 02, 2009, 11:43 AM
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Oh lillie.
Please stay away from that woman. I know it's hard. But you WILL find someone who will love and treat you the way you want and deserve to be treated. In the meantime, while your alone take time for youself get back intouch with your friends and get well. Be patient you will fall in love again.
__________________
Dx: PTSD, Panic Disorder, Obsessive Personality Disorder. A Do Da Quantkeeah A-da-nv-do |
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#8
May 02, 2009, 07:11 PM
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This poem by lesbian poet Judy Grahn is one of my favorites. I hope you find some comfort in it:
If you lose your lover rain hurt you. blackbirds brood over the sky trees burn down everywhere brown rabbits run under car wheels. should your body cry? to feel such blue and empty bed dont bother. if you lose your lover comb hair go here or there get another ~Judy Grahn~ |
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#9
May 02, 2009, 07:42 PM
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I know what you mean, I went through the same thing, it really killed me when she went and married my bestfriend after me and her were together off and on since 2005,
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#10
May 09, 2009, 11:47 PM
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i can relate...i became engaged to someone who became emotional after she decided to go back to school fulltime while working fulltime. I thought i was being careful to find someone who at least had time for a relationship, it hurt to leave but if i had not, my chances for happiness would be nill. now we both have new chances to find happiness. You deserve a lot more good things in the future! there are a lot more lesbians on here besides myself than i first realised...how cool is that?!
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#11
May 10, 2009, 07:17 PM
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Hi Lillie,
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, that sounds horribly difficult. I hope you find the support you're looking for here. I understand how you feel about lesbian love, in my experience the relationships I've had with women have been more demanding and challenging than the relationships I've had with men. It's pretty much nonsense that two women should understand each other better and have an easier time, if you ask me! I'm very also sorry to hear that that relationship has ended up like that. I hope you know that you will be able to get through it and that it doesn't stop you wanting to love in the future. I totally agree with sky dancer in that suffering is an opportunity to learn, even though it pretty much sucks to hear that at the time! I have been there, and I think it's meant to hurt like hell. Otherwise it wouldn't be so real. Hang on in there, you will make it. Take care, with love. ps hurray for the lesbian community on here! |
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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