Help open relationship questions....

Yes I am back again and want to find out if there is a way all the way from over here in Iraq I can learn to trust my girlfriend of 7 years again. I found out in Feb of this year that my girlfriend had been cheating the whole time we have been together, granted some I knew about and we have worked through, I truly believe because of her childhood she did what she did so I forgave her and she begged me not to leave her so I didn't. I really do love her and still having alot of anger about all that I didn't know. She wants an open relationship and says she is waiting until I get home from Iraq so we can discuss it but she says she is not going to wait 2-3 years for me to "heal" from all the infidelities. She is only going out to the clubs once a month but still goes to other places and drinks which is what always puts her in these situations where she wants to sleep with someone else. I truly understand about attraction and sex and doing it but I quit being a cheater over 10 years ago and I really want this "open relationship" to work but I really need some guidance or suggestions from anyone who has been through something like this. She says to me she has never been in love with someone that really loves her and doesn't have an agenda for that love, I only love her for her. I really have difficulty believing anything she says anymore and I know its hard to rebuild trust when you are 3000 miles away from each other. I want to be able to finish my 6 months here get my butt home and see if I can do this, but I really feel like she is rushing me to "heal"....what should I do please help

Go with your heart. Open relationships can get very ugly. If you are not comfortable with her being with others, (and I sure wouldn't be!) then don't do the open relationship just to try and keep her. It sounds to me like you may have already lost her. My ex cheated on me and she wanted an open relationship. That's not my thing so I left her. There was no way we could be together after she cheated on me, I just couldn't trust her. And there was no way I was having an open relationship. I value myself and believe I deserve a one woman woman. Best of luck to you.

I dont believe in open relationships either. My fiance lives in Florida and i live in England, we have been friends a long time but actually together for 18 months. We have so far only spent 20 days together in all that time. If you love someone ~ no matter how far ~ no matter how long you wait for them. He wont get back to see me til the fall and we really dont know when he will be able to move over here and get married but i dont care, he is the one i want and no-one else will do. Hurting the one you say you love for a meaningless sex fix is pure selfish.

Hmmmmmm......

I believe in open relationships, so long as it is a MUTUAL desire.

Armychic....I've been following your posts, (responded a couple times).
You are definately in a difficult situation, and my heart to you.

I think it's fairly safe to say that it sounds as though your gf may want her cake and eat it too. Just from the tactic of hers, it shows that she is into her own self with little regard to how you are dealing with all of this.

Agreeing to an open relationship in order to hang onto your relationship with her is not the answer, as it seems you are merely settling for this request of hers. This will deliver you much heartache in the long run.

I still feel that she needs to ease up some with all this needed freedom of hers and wait for your return so that you BOTH can address this face to face. If she continues to insists upon this "open"ness of hers, (primarily and conveniently for herself), then perhaps it's in your best interest to provide just that....freedom...but for the both of you. (For her to be who she feels she needs to be, and for you to begin your process of healing and the opportunity to find someone more suited for you).

I'm sorry this is so hurtful for you.
I wish you the best. We are all here for you.
Remain in touch.

Shangrala

Thank you Shangrala for all of your honesty with my situation. I am not staying with her because she wants an open relationship, its only because I do love her very much and I know she loves me too, this has been hard on me and for me to "deal" with this over the phone all the time and I just want her to understand the hurt she has caused my heart. She says she isn't doing anything other than going out only once a month (minus trips to pool bars/peoples houses/concerts at clubs etc) because she agreed to not go to the "gay" clubs or strip clubs only once a month and she hasn't but I guess its all the other "stuff" she is doing that bothers me. I have never felt so angry and betrayed as I do right now in my life. I know she must care because I keep trying to break up and she talks me out of it all the time because she says we should "try" it and if it doesn't work I guess we will go our separate ways. I agree with you about the way she so freely does whatever, she said she shouldn't have to stop having "fun"...I don't know I am just waiting for the days to pass by and I am back home to deal with this situation...I really don't know what to do, but I know that I have been tempted more than one time to "cheat" and never did, because I wanted to be a "good and honest" girlfriend to her unlike any of her other ones...I bring no drama and I am a very stable person for the most part minus my "anger" issues from time to time...I will just say it feels good to talk to so many people with different perspectives and I so appreciate it. thank you everyone....