[RedCylon]

Sometimes I feel like every other problem I have in my life (the depression, anxiety, lack of motivation to do anything) would be a lot more manageable if I wasn't so alone. Then sometimes I wonder if one causes the other. Does depression cause the loneliness, or vice-versa? Is it both?

I have no friends anymore. I haven't spoken to any of my friends in more than 5 years. I'm reluctant to contact any of them. For 5 years they have been living their lives. I don't want to call them out of the blue and say "Hey remember me from High School?" I've always had problems making friends to begin with. If it's because I'm shy or have Social Anxiety or something else, I have no idea.

My family is a joke. They all have their own lives and their own problems. They aren't the most compassionate people to begin with, with the possible exception of my mother and sister. But like I said, they have their own lives and problems, and I don't expect them to just drop everything.

I'm 23 years old and have never been on a date. That more than anything makes me feel lonely. I have had my share of female friends over the years, some of which I'm sure would have gone out with me had I asked. But for some reason it never happens. It's like I don't pick up on the fact that they would have said yes until weeks or months or (in one case) even years later. All I want is to go out on a date, go with some nice girl to a movie. I just want what everyone else takes for granted.

I'm not working now because of the economy, and I have no money to go back to school. I spend my time half-heartedly looking for a job and watching TV. I feel like I am missing out on a huge part of life.

It just seems like everyone else has friends, everyone else has some kind of romantic history, everyone else is a lot more happy than I am. I like to think of myself as being a fairly normal person besides. Sometimes I think that if I knew what I know now five, ten, fifteen years ago my life would have be so different.

Anyway I just wanted to vent. I'm feeling particularly lonely today. I've got a thousand thoughts going through my head and most of them are pretty sad.

[bipolo]

I can understand how you feel. My way of "getting" involved with life was to find a job. But I'm on a medical leave for 6 weeks andI have had only 3 people out side my family even call or stop by to see how Im doing. (3 weeks now) I have always thought of alone and loney as 2 different things. I have been lonely and alone with people around and with out. I know when Im in a deep depression they seem even worse. I actually like to be alone then I don't have to answer questions or talk or be something Im not. But the lonely is like now when I could use a friend to say " Hey how are you feeling?" or " let's go out and do something for a while". Even my husband doesn't say the last part. I have to if I want us to go out. And I hate to feel like Im always the one suggesting to do something other than camping. My escape into being part of the crowd was drug and alcohol when I was your age, though I don't suggest that. Sometimes you have to make the first few moves... find a ?church? group of young people to get involve with, something that you have an interset in. I don't know your demographics so I don't know what may be available for you. Make a list of things you are interested in and then see if there are clubs or groups that you may find an involvement. I don't know if this has helped any. drop me a note, let me know.

[RedCylon]

I'm not a particularly religious person, so church isn't really for me. As for the drug and alcohol thing, I know better than that (especially with my family history) even though I'm starting to feel like even that would be better than what I have now.

I've thought about joining some kind of club or group, but I have no idea where to start. I feel like I'm getting to old to make friends. Sometimes I just feel like my time has past. I had my chance and it flew right past me. Other times I feel like I'm still 12 years old, since that's about how much life experience I have.

Thanks for the suggestions though. I'll see what happens when and if I ever go back to school or get a job, even though neither of those things have really helped in the past. I might (hopefully) be going to see a therapist soon, so maybe they can pinpoint if it is social anxiety or what.

Anyone else have any thoughts? I'd like to hear as many opinions as possible.

[Shangrala]

RC~

Hi. I may have a bit to inclued here.

Do you have a dog? Sometimes taking your dog on a walk can open some doors. Taking it to a park where there are other's there. Sparking up conversations of common grounds can prove to be a fantastic way of breaking that ice.

Also, check at your local library. Many of them usually have a bulletin of community events/gatherings for just about anyone to become involved in. And the variety of what they offer is quite vast.

Volunteer work is also a great way to meet "great" people. I've done just that at the local animal shelter. Gave me the opportunity to not only care for those precious animals, but to meet some fantastic people, as well. In fact, in most cases regarding volunteer work, you're bound to run into people with a compassionate nature. Thery're there for the reason to help and to care....what better people to surround yourself with?

I hope that helps you some. And the days of lonliness subside for you.

Take care...

Shangrala

[Sabrina]

I am sorry you are feeling sad and lonely. I can only say that I understand. (((RedCyclon)))

[paddym22]

Hey Redcylon

Nice to meet you and welcome. I understand exactly where you are at, I too am in a similar position with the added bonus of living in a country whose language I do not speak. I have no friends and my old friends are too busy with their lives I dont want to bother them. So what to do.........I took babysteps and by joining this site I have made some very good friends in my time here. I know it is not the same as in real life but for me it is a start and I am practising my social skills with them and so far so good. I can laugh and cry along with these people and most of all they understand.

I am starting a language class becuase by law I have to learn the lingo and maybe I will meet people there. I am joining a gym and hope to meet one or two locals there. I do things like engage the check out person in conversation at the supermarket just to feel at least half human that I have spoken to someone irl today. And of course I have my blessed T.

I am not religious either and the drug/alcohol route is a definite no go area for me too.

You can start by adding me to your friends list if you like and we can converse with each other, practice buddies if you like.

All the best

Paddy

[Perna]

I got started (and I was 26-28!) by going to the first meeting of my local Friends of the Library. I like reading and that seemed like a "safe" place to go; I was wrong :-) as I got asked to be an officer! But I made myself say "yes" to that and that got me a mentor and a couple friends and a bit of a sense of belonging (the activities; book sales, etc.). I would volunteer if I were you; even the volunteer jobs I haven't liked have had some benefits, if only practice with getting out and meeting people and getting a little more "social". Better things that have happened volunteering is getting "seen" by people who have wanted to hire me and/or new friends with common interests to mine and having something similar to a job that makes me look like I'm "doing" something and can make my resume better.

I've used Volunteer Match http://www.volunteermatch.org/ to find volunteer jobs; they even have a large section for online jobs (I did one of those once, best volunteer jobs I've had; I got awards and recognition and it was interesting to me also/I learned new things that helped stir my imagination and helped me in future school courses/jobs).

[RedCylon]

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone. I've thought about volunteer work before, so maybe I will give that a shot. I would really like to meet people my own age. In your experience, how old is the typical volunteer?

I just don't want to be alone. My greatest fear is that I will be alone my entire life. Honestly, it absolutely terrifies me. Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I am so worried I will never again have any good friends, I'll never get married, I'll never do all those things everyone else does. It gets to the point where I feel pain in the pit of my stomach. Anyone know if that is a symptom of social anxiety or Avoidant personality disorder?

Again, thanks everyone for the suggestions.

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Red

Originally Posted by RedCylon

I've thought about joining some kind of club or group, but I have no idea where to start. I feel like I'm getting to old to make friends. Sometimes I just feel like my time has past. I had my chance and it flew right past me. Other times I feel like I'm still 12 years old, since that's about how much life experience I have.

Try giving meetup.com a try. I have found some friends that way. Also don't overlook friendships with people older than yourself or people from other cultures or nationalities. Such people can be a great way to learn about the world and in turn learn about yourself.

Anyway... good luck to you.

[sw628]

Too old to make friends?(((You're 23 yrs old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)))) You're so YOUNG! It's never too late to get started with dating or making friends.

I'm sorry, RedCylon! I, too want to suggest volunteer work as a possibility. One reason is you can meet people, & also maybe it will lead to a career! Don't give up! We're here for you!

[RedCylon]

Thanks everyone for responding. It does make me feel a little better, even though I am still lonely. And I do like being told I'm young, so thanks SW628. I feel very old sometimes, like they best years are gone and I never did anything with them. So I do like being told that I am young.

[Necaberis]

Originally Posted by RedCylon

Sometimes I feel like every other problem I have in my life (the depression, anxiety, lack of motivation to do anything) would be a lot more manageable if I wasn't so alone. Then sometimes I wonder if one causes the other. Does depression cause the loneliness, or vice-versa? Is it both?

I have no friends anymore. I haven't spoken to any of my friends in more than 5 years. I'm reluctant to contact any of them. For 5 years they have been living their lives. I don't want to call them out of the blue and say "Hey remember me from High School?" I've always had problems making friends to begin with. If it's because I'm shy or have Social Anxiety or something else, I have no idea.

My family is a joke. They all have their own lives and their own problems. They aren't the most compassionate people to begin with, with the possible exception of my mother and sister. But like I said, they have their own lives and problems, and I don't expect them to just drop everything.

I'm 23 years old and have never been on a date. That more than anything makes me feel lonely. I have had my share of female friends over the years, some of which I'm sure would have gone out with me had I asked. But for some reason it never happens. It's like I don't pick up on the fact that they would have said yes until weeks or months or (in one case) even years later. All I want is to go out on a date, go with some nice girl to a movie. I just want what everyone else takes for granted.

I'm not working now because of the economy, and I have no money to go back to school. I spend my time half-heartedly looking for a job and watching TV. I feel like I am missing out on a huge part of life.

It just seems like everyone else has friends, everyone else has some kind of romantic history, everyone else is a lot more happy than I am. I like to think of myself as being a fairly normal person besides. Sometimes I think that if I knew what I know now five, ten, fifteen years ago my life would have be so different.

Anyway I just wanted to vent. I'm feeling particularly lonely today. I've got a thousand thoughts going through my head and most of them are pretty sad.

I have your issues. However, the fallout from the lonliness creates an inner rage. I pretty much keep myself alive out of hatred for humanity and happiness.