[paddym22]

I am in a very loving relationship with a wonderful guy. However, here is our problem, we do not have sex and when rarely we do I feel demeaned. I will admit that I am depressed and have low self esteem so I know psychologically that it till affect my libido, but I do lust after others. We even now sleep in seperate rooms but that is becuase of my erratic sleep. We tell each other we love each other but there is no sexual desire there. We do enjoy each others company thoroughly. Another point is that he has many debts and I support him that way, by this I mean do I serve a purpose. He is depressed too and I wonder if it is me that is causing this depression. I think we simply do not fancy each other anymore and have become companions as such.

I feel it would be kinder to him to bring to an end the relationship, and for him to find a more fulfilling partner and happiness. But at the same time it will break my heart as he has stood beside me and been so kind and good to me in my very very bad times when I have been ill.

I want him to have a life and I cant continue to drag him down.

Any input would be gratefully received.

My heart is breaking.

I would suggest marriage counceling as it really can help you come to some sort of decision.

[Zen888]

Oh Paddy!

I agree totally with Tishie! Please seek out therapy for the both of you before you make any sudden decisions regarding your relationship with him. I think you are in an emotionally raw state right now and you need someone to help you navigate your situation.

(((((((Paddy))))))))))))))

I will keep you and R in my prayers!

My Dear Paddy
First, have you talked to him about these things that are on your heart?A loving relationships means that you both can share the intimate things as well as the companionship things.

There is much more to "love" than sex. Intimacy is more than a physical act--believe me I know. I often wondered about my H and if he should just find someone who isn't as "messed up" as I am, who can give him what he needs sexually-----and when we talked he nearly cried and said that he loves ME----all parts of me---and the physical had nothing to do with it.

Love and intimacy go so much deeper.
I would advise you both to talk and really explore your relationship.
Look into couples counceling.
A good relationship is worth working on, fighting for and learning how to nurture and rekindle.
Just my thoughts

[william1971]

[quote=paddym22;1066146]I am in a very loving relationship with a wonderful guy. However, here is our problem, we do not have sex and when rarely we do I feel demeaned. I will admit that I am depressed and have low self esteem so I know psychologically that it till affect my libido, but I do lust after others. We even now sleep in seperate rooms but that is becuase of my erratic sleep. We tell each other we love each other but there is no sexual desire there. We do enjoy each others company thoroughly. Another point is that he has many debts and I support him that way, by this I mean do I serve a purpose.quote]

I would have to agree - professional counseling of some kind would be needed here. I think change is very important if this relationship is to last and supporting him financially isn't helping I would presume. Start by finding what makes you happy. Happiness must start from within before any relationship will work. Once you start to make these changes you may notice a change in your sex life as well. Good luck to the both of you!

[Pomegranate]

It's not a question of what YOU think he wants. That is his responsibility in the relationship to tell you. You need to be clear, first to yourself, then to him, what YOU WANT.

That is where some communication may start between the two of you. It you are kind, open and honest, he may respond that way to you. Then you two can figure out together what you both want from your relationship, or if you want one.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by white_iris

My Dear Paddy
First, have you talked to him about these things that are on your heart?A loving relationships means that you both can share the intimate things as well as the companionship things.

There is much more to "love" than sex. Intimacy is more than a physical act--believe me I know. I often wondered about my H and if he should just find someone who isn't as "messed up" as I am, who can give him what he needs sexually-----and when we talked he nearly cried and said that he loves ME----all parts of me---and the physical had nothing to do with it.

Love and intimacy go so much deeper.
I would advise you both to talk and really explore your relationship.
Look into couples counceling.
A good relationship is worth working on, fighting for and learning how to nurture and rekindle.
Just my thoughts

Paddy I agree with this post, and everyone else. Love can conquer anything.