[marjan]

I saw him last night, we danced again...but when we came out, he didn't say anything...he just left....I was shocked.....He just looked at me and smiled....
I was expecting more....I don't know how to stop thinking about him....I don't know how to move on with my life....I don't even connsider myself loving him.....but that need is killing me....need of having a guy in my life....and as much as I want to have somebody in my life, I won't find it....that's amazing....
I can't sleep at nights, every single night I take a pill to sleep....I'm so worry about myself now....
I kinda know his life style and I know he's not going out with anybody, but he has lots of girls around him....and Friday night, he told me that he went to the Theater with a friend.....I kept thinking with who? That's rediculus....
It's been so long to be like this and not knowing how to stop it....
I don't want to be depressed and sad....I try my best to stay positive and stick my head up into the sky....but it's going difficult....any help?

thanks
Marjan

[JayS]

((((((marjan))))))

Hi, I'm so sorry you are still having a hard time with this... I know exactly how you feel but you must let him go... it look's like he will never be there for you, he need's to grow up and act his age... there is someone out there for all of us, we can't just rush into things cause it will eat at us and will be even worse when you realize that it wasn't meant to be... your true love could be right around the corner, you just have to open your eyes to more then just that guy... I know it's hard but you can do it...

[Pomegranate]

He so clearly knows he has you by his hooks, he knows he controls your mind - he rents space in your head for free. He's a master manipulator. He just wants to know he has control over your mind and emotions. He doesn't want YOU, he wants CONTROL over you. When he has that, has no interest in you.

You need to take your power, your control over yourself back Marjan. I had an emotionally abusive therapist. When I realized what was happening, I decided to end the therapy and told him so. He begged me to come back one more time. He insinuated it was for my own "theraputic" good. When I came for my next appointment, he told me HE was ending the therapy! He was very sick, but so was I. My neediness, my loneliness, my vulnerability left me open to be taken advantage of by someone like him. You sound like you are in the same boat.

One way or another you must take control over the situation - over YOURSELF and YOUR ACTIONS. The more you do this, the worse he will act. When he finally realizes you are no longer available to be used and abused, he will lose interest and leave you alone. You can do this in a couple different ways, only YOU can decide what you need to do and how to cope with it.

But you must get very honest with yourself, know yourself and what you can deal with, what you can't. You must know how to protect yourself. Then decide what you need to do to take care of yourself and just do it. It sounds simple, but it's very, very hard to live it, day in and day out. There is no easy way here. You must go through this, and learn from it. Then move on.

[marjan]

Thanks Pam....I really appreciate your output....When I posted the question, I thought nobody would answer me back....people will think how crazy I am to think about the same person over and over again....
Well...last night and in the morning I was so sad and felt depressed and couldn't work in the morning....but all of a sudden around 10ish, I felt extremly great and powerful....It was like a window got opened in front of my eyes....same things that you say....He wants to have control on me, and he can't....last night, he wanted me so much, but he wanted me to initiate it....and I didn't...and he gave me a look, a confused look....because he wanted me to say that....and I know if I do it, then he will have the full control of the relationship or whatever...and I'm not signed up for that....He leaves the class exactly the same time that I'm leaving....last night, I saw him, he changed his shoes, but he waited till when I was leaving then very fast he left....then he played the game with me....he pretended that he's leaving earlier than me....so, he left, and I stayed a bit longer talking to my teacher, because I didn't want to follow him...when I went out, I found him staying out talking to another fellow classmate....ha...for sure, he wanted to get my attention....such a player....
I think I let it go for awhile....then I will sign up for Internet Dating....I've tried it before and it didn't work for me, but you never know....and in mean while, I'm trying to make lots of friends for myself....and do good to people....hope that works....I found out when I do good to people, I feel so great and happy....
I love my dancing and I'm getting better....but I don't enjoy clubbing, specially that he's there most of the time....he's in the class too....but class is different....I want to get better in my dancing....and I might take an art class too....and I should do more exercise....ya...meditation is helping me too....
I hope I stay strong and powerful....I know I've done it before and I will do it again.....I just have to take my focus off from him....
Thanks again for your support....You guys are great....I'm so happy to have my syber friends here
with love
Marjan

[marjan]

Originally Posted by JayS

((((((marjan))))))

Hi, I'm so sorry you are still having a hard time with this... I know exactly how you feel but you must let him go... it look's like he will never be there for you, he need's to grow up and act his age... there is someone out there for all of us, we can't just rush into things cause it will eat at us and will be even worse when you realize that it wasn't meant to be... your true love could be right around the corner, you just have to open your eyes to more then just that guy... I know it's hard but you can do it...

Hey Jay,

How are you doing? Thanks for your reply....thanks for your support....I think today, I felt all of a sudden detached and okay....hope this feeling stays strong....hope all of us find that special person....I found once, but we couldn't stay together.....Hope I find that relationship one more time...love is great....I wish love for everybody....
how is things with you? do you feel better?

with love
Marjan

[Pomegranate]

I'm so happy to hear this marjan. Good for you!

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

I'm so happy to hear this marjan. Good for you!

Thanks Pam....I have to stay strong and not think about him...Each time my brain is going to think, I change my thoughts quickly....hope I stay cool like this
Thanks again for your support....you are the best

[JayS]

Originally Posted by marjan

Hey Jay,

How are you doing? Thanks for your reply....thanks for your support....I think today, I felt all of a sudden detached and okay....hope this feeling stays strong....hope all of us find that special person....I found once, but we couldn't stay together.....Hope I find that relationship one more time...love is great....I wish love for everybody....
how is things with you? do you feel better?

with love
Marjan

Hi Marjan,

I am alright... right now, been having a slight bump in the road lately but I'll get through... I'm still having problems with Jess, now that I'm trying to ignore her she won't leave me alone lol... but I hope you are doing good... you really should find someone else cause he sounds like he'll be a really bad person.

Take Care...

Jay

[Dwayne61]

Originally Posted by marjan

When I posted the question, I thought nobody would answer me back....people will think how crazy I am to think about the same person over and over again....

marjan,

I certainly wouldn't think your crazy to think about the same person over and over again. Although I'm not in a romantic relationship with the friend that I was telling you about, I still have a lot of thoughts about her. Hearing that your being strong in your situation gives me hope that I can, too.

Dwayne61

[marjan]

Originally Posted by JayS

Hi Marjan,

I am alright... right now, been having a slight bump in the road lately but I'll get through... I'm still having problems with Jess, now that I'm trying to ignore her she won't leave me alone lol... but I hope you are doing good... you really should find someone else cause he sounds like he'll be a really bad person.

Take Care...

Jay

Happy to hear that you are fine...These are just learning carve for us....
Time will cure all wounds....
And see...when you give her less attention, she wants you more and more...this is a rule of life....

with love
Marjan

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Dwayne61

marjan,

I certainly wouldn't think your crazy to think about the same person over and over again. Although I'm not in a romantic relationship with the friend that I was telling you about, I still have a lot of thoughts about her. Hearing that your being strong in your situation gives me hope that I can, too.

Dwayne61

Thanks for your reply....
We got to be paitent....I think I was always rushing to conclusion and make myself and others misrable....and wanting to know what will be in future for me....
Not sure, what has happened to me, but all of a sudden since Tuesday, I feel great....I don't think about him like before....and last night I went to my dance class, and my main reason was correcting my basic steps....I was a bit nervers, because I was thinking if he's there or not....mostly, when he wasn't in the class before, I was getting sad....but last night, he wasn't there and I was absolutly fine....even better than before....My teacher worked on my basic steps and I felt that I accompolished something good....I felt great coming back home...Tonight, I'm going to my class too....
I think all happiness and sadness is state of mind....we can train our mind how to behave and what to think about....meditation is really helping me during the day....
In your case, losing your freind is painful...sometimes, it's more painful to lose a friend than a partner....but give her a time, she will be back to you...this is base on my own experience...sometimes, it takes long to get back together....

with love
Marjan