[Denisej]

My boyfriend of 10 years, and I have hit bottom in our relationship. There's been much verbal abuse in the past. I thought I could take it, but it finally got to me and it's made me cold toward him. Eventually I totally lost the desire for sex. I figure if I don't feel close to him then he can't hurt me. Its my way of protecting myself. He seems to think that it's my way of punishing him. I'm just not wanting sex, at all. I feel I need some time. Am I wrong to ask for a week or two off.

[reba55]

Originally Posted by Denisej

My boyfriend of 10 years, and I have hit bottom in our relationship. There's been much verbal abuse in the past. I thought I could take it, but it finally got to me and it's made me cold toward him. Eventually I totally lost the desire for sex. I figure if I don't feel close to him then he can't hurt me. Its my way of protecting myself. He seems to think that it's my way of punishing him. I'm just not wanting sex, at all. I feel I need some time. Am I wrong to ask for a week or two off.

I have been in a similar situation as you describe. It came down to asking myself what the driving force behind me me wanting this space? Is it the verbal abuse? Is it something I want to live with the rest of my life? Is the person I am living with going to change?
It may be time to totally reevaluate your relationship. Relationships should be joyous, loving and never involve verbal abuse....taking off from sex is a good idea in my opinion and perhaps take the time to think about yourself and what you really want and deserve in your life. Reba

[jerrymichele]

Welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry that your hurting right now. I was once married to a man who was physically abusive, and verbally abusive. Your going threw some of the things that I went threw. It sounds to me like you have just shut down. Personally I would leave the relationship. Abuse is just not good for anyone. If you want to still be with him than you might need to go to couples therapy, and he needs therapy on abuse. Once that scar is there, you just can't shake it off.

[Shangrala]

Boy! How I sooooooooo agree with Jerrymichele.....

Granted, any abuse should never be tolerated, and all is harmful. But being a victim of emotional, verbal and physical abuse I can honestly claim that I believe the emotional and verbal (perhaps, they are one in the same), is far more damaging than the physical. It definately kills the spirit....leaving wounds so deep that they may very well be beyond repair....(with that person, anyway).

Sounds as though you've definately have gone into shutdown mode, which is perfectly understandable, and almost impossible to get out of while remaining with the source that sent you there.

You may find yourself having to leave the relationship in order to obtain any sense of self again....(exactly where I am at present). I've tried to reconcile with hubs while together....No chance. I've gone far too past any reconciliations now. The damage is done.

I wish you the best, and hope that you do obtain the space you need in order to find yourself again.
I'm so sorry this is happening for you.

Take care~

Shangrala

[breathe_sulfur]

I think everybody is entitled to space; especially if things are getting so strained. You're a person too.

[Tosia]

Hey, sorry that you feel that way. I can understand because now I am sleeping in another bedroom, I can't even look at him any more. And the worse is that he doesn't want to talk about, only screaming and than playing that he is hurt. I can't tell you to leave him because I know how hard it is to do it. But I know from myself when you are closed it won't help you in relationship. It is important to find a way to show him that you and him need to go for some help, is not easy because he will denied everything and will say that this is your fault, it is not. I am so desperate that if I will not find the way to get some help Im going back home, and I wish you to find a way to talk to your partner, when you will find comunication you will be on the good way to do sth positive for your relationship.

[AAAAA]

Hello Denisej and welcome to PC. Why ever are you staying in an abusive relationship to begin with? I’d take the rest of my life off from this guy.