[donsky]

Hi everyone, I haven't be on in awhile, only to read some of the new forums.
I have a question for anyone who can give me some imput to my new problem.
I am returning to work soon(hopefully) and I know that I am going to be hit upon to explain what has been going on with me. I realy do not know how to repsond to some of the curious!! I have been bearly existing and some of my co workers, who have professed to be my friends have all but shunned me since my dx. If they called I am embarassed to say that I did not return the calls, not because I did not want to , but because it took all the energy I had to even talk!! Just making conversation was painful. I didn't feel that I had to go into complete detail of the hell and agony of which they could not even fanthom. Now I feel a complete indifference to them. In addition how do you explain to someone who has never been through anxiety, panic, depression what it is like if they never experienced it at all! I know that I am partly to blame, but I have not ventured out only to see T and GP!
How do you return to a life as they knew it for me when I don't even know if I will ever be the same! By was of the grape vine I found out that by not returning the calls they gave up, which at the time was fine! I had all I could do to even think let alone hold a conversation with anyone!!! I know that my stamina will not be the same and fear that I will be judged by my inability to be who I was before even though I will give it my all.
Any word of wisdom as to how to be someone you are not?

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Donsky --

I don't have any great answers for you. I had a nervous breakdown, and co-workers knew it bec. I had a leave of absence. Because it was the last few months of my contract when I returned, most people pretty much avoided me. My closer friends knew the score, so not much explanation was needed.

As I started coming out of my depression post-stress trauma effects, I have revealed more and more in small doses to friends and coworkers, with whom I'm not much in touch now anyway. Of course, as I recover, it's only becoming clear to me in little patches what the effects have been.

Mostly I'll say I've been very ill, in a state of collapse, unable to function, and experiencing cognitive disorganization. All that is true. As I say, the people I'm in touch with are sympathetic, even if they don't understand. They usually don't ask questions; I don't offer thesse explanations unless it is relevant to something in the conversation. Which may be a sincere question about how I've been. I may not say all these things in one reply. At first I would say, "I've been very ill, and I still can't talk about it yet."

I downplay everything and say as little as possible. Unless there is a reason for sharing, such as someone mentions experiencing depression or having a relative /friend and not knowing how to cope.

I'll be very much looking forward to what others contribute to this thread. Thank you for bringing this up.

i've told the nurse where i work about my new DX....i think she was uncomfortable but i don't care. she's the least compassionate person that i've ever met. she actually asked me friday, i thought i was going to faint as i was lightheaded and felt really weird, if it could be my new meds......i was so surprised and pleased that she was having a thought that was sympathetic. she took my blood pressure and had me sit down..and i left early and she said she'd do my last two patientss....................BUT, if the doctor and his wife found out...............they would take me into the office and question me unmercifully.....we just have to gauge responses and hope for the best.......xoxoxo pat

[TgrsPurr]

Gosh Donsky, that sounds like a daunting situation to be in. I really feel for you and how awkward you must be feeling. I can only offer you my own personal experience and hope that it holds some kind of good for you.

I had a rather long, climactic breakdown before everyone at work and otherwise. No one really know what was going on, but ultimately my boss and one of my co-workers who had become a very good friend of mine, and still is, did an intervention on me. One morning I got to work and was immediately called into the boss' office where he and my friend layed out all that I had done, said, behaved like, missed, screwed up, not shown for and on and on and on...Fortunately I knew too how bad off I was and accepted their help and support. I took a leave of absence to get serious help. My boss took it upon himself to explain to everyone that I was experiencing serious personal turmoil and that I would be out for a little while, but that I would soon be back and that he would appreciate it if everyone was supportive of me. I never had to explain anything to anyone. No one asked and I only told very little to very few. My blessing was that I had a boss who truly cared and wanted nothing but the best for me. Do you have an understanding boss or supervisor or someone you can go to, to do the same for you? You can even tell that person exactly what you want them to say. It's just a suggestion and I wish you well. Keep us posted please, I would very much like to know how things turn out. TgrsPurr.

[Wants2Fly]

You are so lucky, Tiger, to have had a boss who not only cared, but cared enough to intervent, to give you time off, and to tell other employees what he expected of them. I'm using "he" but maybe it was a female.

They don't make many of them like that, IMO. Too bad, too.

[TgrsPurr]

Wants2, I couldn't agree more. Thank you. HE is a wonderful human being and I'm very very fortunate. I wish everyone could be that fortunate.
TgrsPurr.

[sqrlb8]

Indeed, you will be measured and judged according to their perception, their concept of your "former self." There will always be notable exceptions of course, but the reality of cultural conciousness, though changing, will not in our lifetime come close to comprehinding MI in a healthy way.

But you sound really like you are seeing a true aspect of a sad situation. It's going to come down to handling some changing vistas, some of which you thought were more permanent than they turn out to be. Keep your eyes open like they are, and your heart disposed kindly toward yourself. And keep posting here. It helps a lot to validate eachother's experiences of the world like this.

[Wants2Fly]

Yes, indeed, Sqrl -- having my perceptions validated here has been one of the most important functions that the Cast of Characters here at Psych Central serve in my life.

Keep coming back, Tiger.

[TgrsPurr]

I really like that Wants2Fly:

"The Cast of Characters at PsychCentral"

I like the mental image that springs to mind. Like a team working together for a common goal. The goal: The show must go on.
TgrsPurr.

[debi]

hi donsky,

explaining what you're going through can certainly be difficult, as i well know. i've got a couple of things to suggest, but in the long run you will have to play it by ear. and, of course, everyone has different ways of dealing with stuff like this.

* first and foremost, try to remember that you do not have to explain anything to people you work with/for. if your boss requires some sort of reason for your absence, that's a different story -- but it sounds like he/she knew already.

* it is a very good idea to find one person, at least, to support you at work. maybe you have someone you work with who you already feel close to? if nothing else, you might ask your boss to be your "PR" person.

* sometimes, when i feel i must give an explanation of a prolonged absence but don't want to share what's really going on, i say, "the doctors think it's got something to do with my thyroid -- we're still kinda trying to figure it out". this is a partial truth, at least. often people with Depression have thyroid problems. and you are still trying to figure things out. this way, too, if you have to have some days off in the future, your 'excuse' will already be established.

* some phrases i like to use: "well, sorry but i just don't really feel like talking about it", "not sure exactly what's going on, but i seem to be okay for now", "thanks for your concern, i truly haven't been well but it's kind of still a mystery; i will definitley let you know if there's some way you can help".

* there's always the option to come right out and say it. Depression is pretty widely accepted as a legitimate condition. there are still some &^$(&*s who think it's BS, but who cares about them! you can probably gauge who in your office is a kind and compassionate person, and who you'd rather not talk about it with. i've found that when i share a little bit of what i'm going through, i end up being supported more, i feel better about not trying to hide it all, and often i find people who are going through the same thing. and, the more you talk about it, the easier it gets. once you get through the first day back, everything will be a piece of cake!

good luck and let us know how it goes.

--debi

[Wants2Fly]

Debi -- I love your answers. Polite yet protect one's boundaries. Brava!