[lenjan]

I'm not sure I have the energy right now to write all this out. Let's just say for now that it's been a horrible month for me emotionally, and that I'm being ganged up on both by my son's biodad's mother (who betrayed the only request I've ever made of her) and his adoptive mom (who is very nice except when she's being a tremendously cold biatch).

Any adoptive parents/birthparents out there to commiserate with?

BTW, I never married the jerk, which is why his mother is not technically an in-law.

[jerrymichele]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Why are they treating you this way? Can you just avoid them?

[lenjan]

My experience with adoptive parents is that they forget they wouldn't BE a parent without the birthmother. It's that whole "you 'just' gave birth to the kid, *I* raised him, so F you" thing. They don't consider what giving up a child does to a woman -- the second the kid's in their hands, it instantly and forever becomes all about them instead, and the bmoms get ignored or worse. Believe me, it isn't a choice one makes if you see ANY other choice.

The sperm donor's mom -- with whom I have been good friends over the years, or so I thought, even though I haven't spoken to HIM in years -- ran into my son's a-mom somewhere (they live near each other) and decided to introduce herself. She had not given one whit of a crap for the first 15 years of his life, wouldn't discuss anything regarding him with me, and then when she decided she wanted to know, I was nice enough to share. My ONE request was that I get to meet him first, since I have suffered more than anyone by far because of this. She blatantly ignored my request. Now she and the a-mom are BFFs, and 2 against 1 is never a winning situation for the 1. Because I am hurt and said so, I have been called all sorts of names, told I need to act my age and cut the melodrama (direct quote), etc. It takes a LOT for me to speak up about how I'm feeling EXACTLY because of reactions like this. People complain all the time "you're so quiet!," and you know why? It's because I have been backstabbed too many times, have had too many people repeat things I (apparently naively) expected would be held in confidence because that's what I would have done, and because when I stand up for myself, I get f'ing steamrollered. So it's just a lot easier to shut the F up.

Sorry for the rant. :-\

[jerrymichele]

There's no need to feel sorry for the rant. I do agree the so called friend really screwed you. She did this for her own selfish reason's. I think that maybe the adoptive mother might feel threatened by you. Meaning your son might take your side. I just hope that your son isn't hearing all this bs. You know you gave your son a wonderful gift by letting him go. I'm sure he knows this. You wanted him to have a better life and for your so called friend and the adoptive mother to rub this in your face is just down right mean and cruel. Personally I would never speak to the friend again. You know I can't really figure out how they would expect you to stop loving him. Anyone who is a mother knows that you never stop loving your child. These two people can say whatever they want, but the fact is he is your child, and always will be, and not one person on this earth can ever take that from you. If this was me I would have done what you done, and shut up about it. It would and could hurt your son. If it is possible just keep on focusing on your son. I would also like to say that you are such a strong person. There isn't to many people who have your strength.